CHINESE HUMOUR

New Zealand Times, Volume LXXVII, Issue 5372, 3 September 1904, Page 11

CHINESE HUMOUR

(By Helena Von Poseck.) Tho following stories, a few among the many told mo in China by a Chinaman, are jotted down to give a glimpse of a little-recognised trait of Chinese character; love of fun and keen appreciation of humour. To many a 'Westerner it would come as a surprise to hear tho hearty laughter of the Chinese at an amusing story, and to see the merry twinklo of their almond eyes at some humorous remark. When a dispute has arisen between a foreigner and a group of Chinese, and voices are beginning to rise rathor high and trouble is evidently brewing, if the foreigner can adroitly seize the comic side of the question, make a witty remark about it. and laugh good-humouredly, his opponents, if their passions are not aroused, will burst into a hearty guffaw. Then, good temper being restored, the discussion can be resumed in an amicable spirit. Such stories naturally lose m translation, especially those which depend, for their complete understanding, upon a knowledge of Chinese customs; but many of them will forcibly remind the reader of anecdotes current in our own and other European lands. Hove is one which exemplifies the national fondness for outwitting another for personal advantage: THE CUNNING ELDER BROTHER. Onoe .upon a time there were two brothers who cultivated their farm in partnership. When the season had come to harvest, their rice-crops the younger asked, “How shall wo divide tho crop between us?" Sao Da, the eider, answered, “I will take the upper halt, and you shall nave the lower," ''That wouldn’t be fair," said tho younger man. “If I take tho top half this time, and you take it next time, will that do?" the elder asked. His brother thought there could be no objection to this plan, and contented himself with tho roots ; and stalks, looking forward meanwhile to next year’s harvest, when all the grain should bo his, as it was Sao Da’s this year. When seed-time? came round again the younger asked, “Shall we sow the rice now ?” “Oh,” said his brother, “my idea is that we should plant potatoes this year." History does not narrate the sequel. If our first anecdote is thoroughly Chinese, our second might very' well pass muster among our French neighbours as a gasconade, .reminding one strongly of the Gascon who capped the boasting stories of a friend by asserting that in his own home nothing was ever used for firewood save tho batons of the numerous marshals who had from time immemorial belonged to his family. Still greater is its similarity to the tale of the two American travellers, one of whom, if I remember rightly, boasted that during his travels he had seen a cabbage as large as a house, when tho other immediately rejoined that ho had seen a saucepan as large as a church. The first speaker demurred to this statement; but the other effectually silenced him by saying, “My saucepan was made to boil your cabbage in.’’ Behold, in the following story, “Gascons” and “tail-talkers” in China: — THE TWO BOASTERS. Two friends were talking together. One said, “In my house there is a bath ■which is so largo that if three thousand men were to bathe in it they would only take up a tiny bit of space.” “At my home,” rejoined the other, “there is a bamboo tree which has grown so high as to reach the sky; and. because it couldn’t get any higher, the top lias bent round and grown down again till it touches the .ground.” “There never were such bamboos.” said his friend indignantly. “If there were .no? such bamboos,” retorted the second speaker, “bow could your bath bo bound round?” The baths of tho Chinese are generally made of wood, bound together with bamboos.

The story of the would-be pawnbroker reminds ns neither of Gascony nor of America, but of the Emerald Isle; for the mixture of shrewdness and simplicity which it depicts very much resembles the characteristics of the typical Irishman as represented—perhaps sometimes misrepresented—in numerous wellknown anecdotes. It may be as well to premise that a pawnbroker’s is one of tho most respectable and lucrative businesses in China, and no one can embark in it without a considerable outlay of capital:— THE WOULD-BE PAWNBROKER. There was once a man who took it into his head that he would like to open a pawnshop, so ho questioned an acquaintance with regard to the cost of such an undertaking. ‘To open a largo pawnshop,” replied the other, “would require perhaps hundreds of thousands of taels; but-you, might open a small one with some tons of thousands.” “Would I need as much as that?” exclaimed the aspirant, considerably taken aback. “Why, I only need a counter and a few pawn-tickets.” His own view of the case evidently satisfying him, lie opened a shop, with a counter and some pawn-tickets as his stock-in-trade. By-and-by a man brought a garment to pawn. Tho pawnbroker carefully wrote on a ticket a description of the article in question, together with tho, amount for which it was pledged, then gave the ticket to his customer and took the garment—voila tout. Tho customer, however, was not satisfied, and was inconsiderate ,enough to ask for his money; but tho pawnbroker had his answer ready. “If I give you money,” ho said, “you will only have to give it back to me when you come to redeem your pledge. In order to save the trouble of giving and taking back, the best way will bq for ns to do nothing except that you shall pay the interest when you ro■deem the pledge.” Unfortunately I cannot enlighten my readers as to the results of this highly-original way of carrying on business. Hero is a story on the very essential Chinese tonic of filial duty:— ■ THE UNEILIAL SON.

There was once upon a time a very unfilial son. So disobedient was he that if his father told him to go to the east he would go to the west; if his father told him to go to the west he invariably went towards the east. (This is a Chinese idiom for expressing contrariety of disposition.) All his life long he had been disobedient. At last the old man. as he lay on his deathbed, greatly feared that his nndutiful son would not take the trouble to bury him in a favourable spot. After much cogitation bethought of a plan for ensuring what is of such vital importance in Chinese eyes. 'Tf I die,” he said, “you must bury me in.the water.” The father concluded that, in accordance with his usual line of conduct, the son would do the exact opposite of what ho was told. So, after congratulating himself, no doubt, cm his astuteness in arranging to get buried in a good place on dry land, the old man died. But, alas! his admirable scheme failed. After the father's death the

young man said to himself. “'Now that ha is dead I will obey him this once.” So, in scrupulous obedience to the dying injunction, he buried his father in the water. Here is a hit at the mean man, w-ho is by no means an unusual phenomenon in the Middle Kingdom, but who there, as elsewhere, is regarded as a good subject for a jest:— THE STINGY HOST. A very moan man onoe invited some acquaintances to a feast, but made such scanty provision fqr them that no sooner was the food placed on the table than it disappeared as if by magic. Figuratively speaking, there was scarcely a mouthful for each guest. One of the latter asked the host to have a lamp put on the table. ‘Why?’ asked tho host in amazement. Tt is still early; it is quite light.” “One can see nothing on the table,” was the crushing rejoinder. Our next tale turns the table on the guest, and shows that the genus “boro” is known in China: — THE TEDIOUS GUEST. A certain man was very fond of calling upon his friends; and, unfortunately, when be once got into their houses it was very difficult to get him out of them again. One day an individual -whom be was honouring with a long visit got very tired of his company, but did not know how to get rid of him, as ho could not very well tell him point-blank to go. So ho got up and looked at the sky. “Clouds are gathering,” he said suggestively; “it will soon rain.” His visitor replied with alacrity, “If it is going to rain I musn't go;, it might rain before I reach homo.” So he did not go. Tho unhappy host, finding this plan unavailing, racked his brains for another; and by-and-hy he rose and looked out again. “The clouds we scattering,” he said, “perhaps it won’t rain after all.” “If it is not going to rain,” remarked tho imperturbable guest, “there is no need to hurry; I can stay on.” Tho foible depicted in the following story might possibly, with some slight modifications, fund its parallel among fashionable circles in England:— THE PEOPLE WHO WANTED TO SHOW OFF. A family had just bought a new bedstead. It was very grand and ornamental, and they were anxious that a family wit?h whom they were connected by marriage should see and admire it. But how could they manage it? It would sesm rather silly to say, “Come and look at our new bedstead.” A moro roundabout and delicate way of proceeding must bo devised. After a little cogitation a capital plan suggested itself. Tho materfamilias feigned illness, and lay upon the new bedstead. As had been anticipated, the other materfamilias called to inquire after her health, was ushered into the sickroom, and took her seat by tho side of her friend. Now, tho visitor, on her part, had really come in order to show off a new pair of shoes. Accordingly, as she sat by the bedside, she raised her foot rather'" high so that tho prettily embroidered shoes might not escape notice. Then she thus addressed tho invalid: “House-mother, what illness are you suffering from?” The? lady in bad was not too ill to observe the elevated foot, and to know what was meant by it. so she replied, “I am suffering from tlio same disease of the heart as yourself.” .

Many another example of Chinese wit might be given ; but as X do not wish to imitate the tedious guest referred to, 1 will wind up with an anecdote bearing loss resemblance than the others to those told among Western nations, and thereupon take my leave:— . THE TAJCTALISENXr STORY-TELLER A passenger-boat full of people was on the point of pushing off from the shore, when a man came running up in hot haste, and asked to be taken on board. “There’s no room. We cant take you,’’ answered the boatmen. But ho was not to be put off so easily. “If you will let mo come,” he cried, “I will tell you a tale.” The passengers began to discuss the situation. “We have nothing to do,” they said to each other, “and it’s very tedious. IT ho were to tell us a story it would while away the time.” Accordingly (regulations as to the number of passengers being by no means strict in the Flowery Land) the applicant was allowed to come on board. The passengers squeezed closer together, and so managed to make room for him. proving the truth of the German adage. “Many patient sheep go into a small fold.” After giving the new-comer a little breathing time, they asked for the promised story. Without hesitation he began: “Ch’ao Ch’ae once led eight hundred and thirty thousand men (infantry and cavalry) to the south of the Yang-tse.” Ch’ae Ch’ao, we must premise, was a famous Chinese General who lived in the time of the Han dynasty, about the beginning of the Christian era. and whoso deeds of prowess are still related with great gusto among his fellow-countrymen. “On their way,’ went on our story-teller, “they had to cross a river hv a bridge which consisted of a single plank. They crossed over one by one.” Here the narrator began to make noises whichwere supposed _to represent the trampling of the steedb: teh-teh-teh. This went on till his audience grew rather tired of it, and at last some one said. “Please go on with tho story.” “Yon must wait for them to cross tho bridge,” was the answer. “When eight hundred and thirty thousand men and horses have to cross a one-plank bridge, it won’t do to hurry them; they must be careful, or they mrtht fall into the water,” and he calmly resumed his teh-teh-teh. _ Again his audience pleaded for a continuation of the story, but again .he declined to he hurried “Thev can’t cross the bridge in a short time,” he said; “they must go slowly and carefully.” So he went on with his teh-teh-teh, and, however much ho was urged, he would say nothing else. At last the boat reached its destination, and the story was nevei finished because Ch’ae Ch’ao’s army had not yet’had time to cross the one-plank bridge, - ““Chambers s Journal,