THE BYSTANDER.

New Zealand Times, Volume LVX, Issue 3130, 17 May 1897, Page 4

THE BYSTANDER.

The Academy prints for the first time an amusing extract from aletter the written by the late Wilkie big Collins to a London editor. big The topic dealt with is d's.' always near the heart of all

editors who cater for the family:—“The other alterations [wrote Collins] I cannot consent to make. The ‘ damns 1 (two ‘ damns 1 only, observe, in the whole story) mark the characters at very important places in the narrative. The ‘ compromise ’ which you suggest Is simply what they would not say. I know of no instances of a writer with any respect for his art or for himsalf who has ever made the concession which your friends ask of me. My story is not addressed to young people exclusively—it is addressed to readers in general. I do not accept young people as the ultimate court of appeal in English literature. Mr Turlington [a character in the story in question] must talk like Mr Turlington—even though the terrible consequence may be that a boy or two may cry ‘ Damn ’ in imitation of him. I refer your friends to Scott and Dickens—writers considered immaculate in the matter of propriety. They will find damn where damn ought to be in the pages of both these masters. In short, I am damned if I take out damn 1 " Here is a romantic little story already made for some of America’s A delightful writers. A man woman’s named Benjamin Short was revenge, a candidate for the office of Mayor of Kansas City, and after the counting of the votes it was found he had bean defeated. Thecircum. stances under which ho was rejected are unusual. For . twelve . years Short had been engaged to be married to Miss Sakie Parsons; a school teacher. Last November, without giving any warning whatever to Miss Parsons' that his affections towards her were changing, he suddenly dropped her entirely and married a rich widow; When he ‘‘ran ’’ for Mayor Miss Parsons saw'her .Opportunity for’ revenge,- and ■ became his.most bitter and active opponent. ’ Women are permitted to vote in municipal elections there, so she appealed to the women of the city to avengo th<> slight that- had been cast upon her by voting against Short. She made known the 'circumstances, and almost every female voter in the place rallied, to her cause, and many used all their influence on ■ her-behalf, Not a woman voter

stayed away who cculd 'Ret to the poll. Some who were ill sere brought in carriages. The result (Dalziel tells us) was that Miss Parsons had the satisfaction of seeing Short defeated by a tremendous majority.

Indiarubber shares are to be the “boom" cl 1897, and experts declare an that Mexico will be the INDIA- great indiarubber producing rubber state of the future, not only boom. because its Government is the most settled and orderly of the South nr Central American Republics, but because the climate is excellent. So far, the indiarubber industry in Mexico has not been systematically worked. According to the Minute, however, the best rubber plantations there have been secured Dy one of our most influential group, of City capitalists, who are about to offer them in joint-stock form to English investors. The profits ere enormous—something like 400 per centum per annum.

The master of a village school school in Suffolk, whose house adjoins the the school, recently had a INSPEU- pig killed early in the morntor’s ing, before the scholars armistake, rived. In order that the carcase might get thoroughly cold before cutting it up, it was placed upon the stool, which happened to be an exact likeness to the ones which are used to carry coffins, and a clean white cloth was spread entirely over it. As it appeared as if it would rain, the stool and pig were then carried into a shed which adjoins the master’s house, and the door securely fastened. About 930 a.m. in walks H. M. Inspector of Schools, on a “surprise visit,' 1 as they are delighted to call it. Afterthoroughly examining every hole and corner in the school, he |at last betook himself into the yard to make further investigations. Seeing the shed adjoining the master’s house securely fastened, his curiosity was at once aroused, and he made cautiously towards it. On opening the door he was horrified to see what appeared to be an undertaker’s stool, with a corpse on it, covered with a white shroud. Hurrying into the school with a scared look, he panted out to the master ; " Why, Mr W , you’ve got a corpse in your shed." The master, taking in the situation, replied, “ Yea, sit; he was killed this morning.” “ Dear me,” said the inspector, “ how did it happen ? " “ Throat cut! ’’ was the reply. “ Horrible 1” said H.M.I. “ Who did it?" “Mr F , down the road. He does all those sort of jobs about here.” “ Has he been arrested? ” was the next query. “Arrerted? What for?” “Why, for cutting the man’s throat, of course.” The master could keep bis countenance no longer, but, nearly bursting to laugh, said, “Han't a man ; it’s a pig. ’ The inspector at once collapsed.

The new cure for lady kleptomaniacs, revealed by Truth, >s not a exactly as Tenth puts it. ‘ cure 1 The story, as told by your

for eccentric contemporary, is KXEPTO- that in several of the West mania. End establishments, where ladies are detected pilfering, they are offered the alternative of bemg locked up or being soundly birched, and it is mentioned that the latter humiliating chastisement has been accepted in two eases. One need not believe these stories. Their publication is the real cure for kleptomania. Truth has, I believe, been made the medium for advertising to ladies afflicted with this mental disease that, on detection, they would be subject to the outrage described. Of course, no West End tradesman dare engage in such a transaction. It would ruin his business, if it became known. But it is likely enough that the idea has occurred to some enterprising shopwalker to make use of Truth as the scarecrow to frighten off lady pilferers. Friday, March 18, was. the anniversary of a memorable event in the when history of the Bank of Engthb bank land. A hundred years ago of the Bank had to suspend ENGLAND cash payments through the suspended diminution of gold and the PAYMENT, heavy calls made on the Exchequer by the/rovernment of the day to support our allies on the Continent. The panic began by a run on the provincial banks, many of which failed. Then London became alarmed, and the scene in front of the Bank of England was one of wild excitement. There were clamorous demands for cash, and it is stated that the cash and bullion sank as low as £1,272,000. The Government came to the rescue of the directors. A rigid investigation was made, and a report appeared which calmed the fears of the public, for it was found that, after all claims had been deducted, the Bank possessed property of the value of £15,513,690.