“DIS-ENCHANTED."

New Zealand Times, Volume LVII, Issue 2530, 8 June 1895, Page 1 (Supplement)

“DIS-ENCHANTED."

A COMIC SKETCH. There was at one time a pretty general concensus of opinion amongst tbe fellows who boarded at Airs Kissel’s establishment that Gussio and I were engaged. Any lingering doubt which may have existed in their minds on this subject has since dissolved, and our true relationship is known to thorn all. Gussio is our landlady’s eldest daughter, a tall, fair-haired young lady of awellish appearance, and with a pair of blue eyes which fairly danced with merriment at tho very slightest provocation. I have since seen those same eyes dance with another expression, but of that anon. There is no denying tho fact that Gussie certainly did seem to show a preference to my company. Wo practised duets together in tho drawing-room, wont pienicing together in tbe holiday season, and on several occasions she had kindly allowed me to purchase dress circle tickets and conduct herself—-and mamma—to tho opera, and like the Athenians of old, I was constantly on the look-out for some new thing, in order to spring a pleasant surprise on the dear girl. Easter Monday of 1805 was, as every resident of Wellington knows, a gala day for Jupiter Pluvius. It rained, and rained, and rained, and continued to rain, enough to satisfy tbo most rabid Prohibitionist, and tbo very ducks in tho pond grow exhausted with such an exuberance of moisture, and waddled for shelter to the empty dog-kexmel at tho end of tho back yard. Tho other boarders had gone out of town to spend the holidays, and Gussio and Mamma Kissel and I wore left in tho house alorto. Wo got through the early part of tho day,' that is Gussio and I did, by practising some new ducts which I bad recently purchased, but the incessant clatter of rain drops on the iron roofing of tho house, and tho rattling of windows and doors by the high wind which was blowing, formed such a discordant accompaniment that Gnssio’s temper as well as her voice was somewhat strained in the exercise of her vocal organs, and the practice was voted a wretched failure. Mrs Kissel wandered forlornly about tho house, occasionally enlivening us with doleful reminiscences of the departed Captain Kissel, who had once put to sea in his schooner on just such a day as this, when tho vessel had been wrecked, and the Captain and five of his crow had been picked up ton days after, having had nothing to oat during that period but a pound or two of tallow candles and a few wocvily ship's biscuits. Altogether wo began to feel about as jolly as clowns at tho close of the pantomime season, and I was wondering how on earth wo should get through tho evening, when a happy thought struck mo ; ‘ I know what wo’ll do,’ I said to Gussio, ‘we’ll telephone to Lane's stables^ for a cab, and wo’ll all go and take a ride in the “ Enchanted Swing." After that we’ll goto tho theatre. What do you say to my proposal, Gusiio?' ‘Oh! that will be fun,’ was tho quick reply. The .spirits of Mamma Kissel were, however, still in a depressed condition, and she suggested that, from what she had heard about tho swing, there must bo something uncanny about it, and it ecemod like a tempting of Providence to have anything to do with it. I am afraid that I was selfish enough to hope she would stay at homo and allow Gussio and I to go alone, but as Gussio would not dream of leaving 4 dear Mamma ’ in tho house by herself, I redoubled my solicitations, and Mrs Kissel’s objections were finally overruled. So tho eab was ordered, and in a short time drew up at tho front door. Gussio and her mamma had attired themselves in evening dresses, and after a little preliminary delay in fastening their mackintoshes, and a run to the mirror by Gussio to see if her hat was put on straight—Gussio was always very particular in this respect—wo got into the cab, and wore soon at the entrance to Iho hall where the Enchanted Swing was on exhibition. Having paid tho cabman, wo passed down nn arcade brilliantly illumined by a number of gaily-coloured fairy-lamps, and entered a room where wo observed a sledgo-liko apparatus suspended from tbo aides of tho wall. This was tho Enchanted Swing. It was nn innocent-looking apparatus, and I anticipated somo enjoyment from the ride. Alas ! for the vanity of human wishes, ‘ This is tho state of man. To-day ho puts forth the tender leaves of hope. To-morrow blossoms and boars his blushing honours thick upon him. But tho third day comes a frost V The frost, in my case, came much earlier than tho third day* However, Gussio arid her mamma divested themselves of their mackintoshes, and > we seated ourselves in tho swing. I was just commencing to vote tho whole affair rather lame when a sensation as of some invisible demon clutching mo by tho hair of my head, and drawing mo up, up, to tho roof of the building, scorned to paralyze, every other foaling but that of intense and abject terror. Stories which I had read in my boyish days of the tortures of tho Inquisition, choice tit-bits from Fenimoro Cooper’s Indian scalping yarns, jumbled themselves in my disordered brain until [ felt that I must bo losing my reason. By a strong effort of will I fixed my gaze on Gussio and her mamma, upon whom, owing to,, the eccentricities of the machine, I now looked down from an angle of 45deg. Great Scot! . Was X really going mad after all? A steely glare was in tho ladies’ eyes, and their features appeared.to bo contorted with pain. I felt a strong desire to call out to tho wretched individual who owned this diabolical machine to let us out; but though my lips framed tho words no sound could I utter. Up and up went tho awing, and I. felt that in another moment wo would all turn a somersault in mid-air, and finally to pieces on tho floor beneath. I could stand —or rather sit—tho strain no longer. With a cry like a disembodied spirit I sprang to my foot, and as I did so lost my balance, and plunged head foremost full into the arms of Gussio’s mamma, I was conscious of a female's— two females’— agonizing screams, a noise in my oars like the falls of .Niagara, tho latter, as 1 learned later on, being caused by Mrs Kissel vigorously belabouring mo with her gingham; and then with a quick, very quick , revulsion of feeling, I realized the fact that .1 had made an ogregrious ass of myself. Tho awing had never moved an inch. . I shall never forget tbe look of concentrated; withering hate which tho ladies bestowed bn me as I sat up on the bottom boards of theswing, crushed—in more senses than one—and utterly dejected. The two ladies were hatlcss. In my recent gymnastic performance I had clutched dear Gussie’s two-guinea hat with my right hand, as if determined to have the owner’s scalp or die in tho attempt; whilst with mv left I had dealt a blow, at the head adornment of Mamma Kissel, dislocating that article of apparel in a scientific way which would have gladdened the heart of Professor Bloom.

I saw the ladlos no more that evening. I rushed from tho enchanted ground and took up my quarters that night at tho nearo.-t hotel. Tho following morning I received a note at tho Bank where I was employed as olork, and found it contained a request from Mrs Kissel that I would send for my personal belongings; and in a.. postscript signed by Gussio was another .polite request that X, would hover ’trouble her again : with my obnoxious presence. . After my performance' of tho previous evening she suggested that I was wasting my'tihio and talent at the Bank; Why not join I’illis’ Circus? This was| sarcasm indeed Mrs Kissel’s select board* ing establishment has a vacancy for a young gentleman boarder. N.B. —No Bank clerks need apply. - W.B.