ROUND THE CORNERS.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXIX, Issue 6687, 22 September 1882, Page 4

ROUND THE CORNERS.

(From the New Zealand Mail.) MrMontgomery 5s apparently actuated by the moat friendly feelings towards those who may step into his shoe*. When Major Atkinson suggested in the House that the leader of the Opposition should have a special room provided for him, the hon. member for Akaroa nodded fully a dozen times in approval. His own experience daring a portion of the session probably convinced him that the gentleman or gentlemen who will succeed him next year should have a place wherein plans can be duly matured. No wonder the House Committee exclaimed in their report about extravagance in the expenditure for repairs to the Parliamentary Building*, when it is said that distempering work passed at one shilling the square yard—and paid for at that—was estimated by outside experts—members of the house, I hear—at twopence and twopence-halfpenny per yard. There is a screw loose somewhere, I should say. THE M.L. C.’S FAREWELL. "We come from east, we come from west, From south and north werally ; From towns that crown the mountain's creit. From cities in the valley. And to the House we throng and flow, And speeches there deliver ; For sessions come, and sessions go. But we talk on for ever. We loiter down when dinner’s done. In spite of indigestion ; And sometimes :we will answer one. And sometimes ask a question. And now and then we raise a cheer. Or laugh if we are m erxy; And now and then will cry “ hear, hear,” And sometimes murmur '* query*" We’ve sat and sighed, and gaped and yawned. And groaned in deep derision. Until the morning sun has dawned, In hopes of a division. And some of us make speeches slow. And some make speeches clever ; For sessions come, and sessions go, But we talk on for ever. Although our tempers seldom jar. We sometimes chaff and bicker ; And then we saunter to the bar To drown the feud in liquor. But though the cup may often flow. Our speech gets husky never, For sesssons come, and sessions go. But we talk on for ever. Though glory great our House surrounds, WeTre very cheap and thrifty : We get a poor two hundred pounds. And privileges fifty. But then all thoughts of pelf you know, From statecraft wo dissever; For sessions come, and sessions go, But we talk on for ever. A LEADER OF MEN. When first Icommenced to campaign.^ I own that I felt rather queer ; But my trouble was lightened. My courage was heightened As I gazed on each bold volunteer. So I cheered on the patriot band In a style that was martial and grand. And I cried in tones thrilling “ However unwilling, I now must disclose the iron hand;” For I saw that mild measures were vain When first I commenced to campaign. CHORUS OF HEROES, Strong emotions we struggled beneath. As we formed onr firm ranks on the plain ; And each one ole ched fiercely hia teeth. When first we commenced to campaign. I said in my maiden campaign, As I mounted my fiery white horse; " It is plain that each nigger On seeing my figure Will yield as a matter of course. We are armed, it is true ; they are not; It is clear they will fire noshot, But awe-struck civilians Will tour in their millions To this famous and glorious spot, Parihaka- the name of the plain Where first I commenced to campaign,” CHORUS OF HEROES. Although our achievements are great, We are none of us braggart or vain ; And simply and solely would state That we navr had a real campaign.

The Salvation Army at Home are making strenuous efforts to buy up all the Devil’s domiciles, and have agreed to purchase the notorious Grecian Theatre and Casino —alias “The Eagle * —for £16,750. Memories of the past ! First Vauxhall goes, then Cremorne, Highbury Darn, and now the Eagle ! Presently, there will be scarcely a place in London where the impetuous fires of youth can hope to be subdued—or satiated. Perhaps we might be comforted when we hear of these places of iniquity being closed if we knew other abodes of vice would not be tolerated ; but alas ! under the very noses of the authorities, fresh lures are daily springing up to attract in myriads the moths of the metropolis. Few will shed a tear at the conversion of The Eagle, but many will regret that the dispersion of its habitues will be the means of opening probably dozens of smaller dens of demoralisation. Apropos of the Salvation Army, the “War Cry,” its organ, with a circulation of half a million, is a perfect gem as a literary production. One can fancy he smells gunpowder when reading it. It is a record of battles fought by the Army of the Lord, and is filled with the most bloodthirsty accounts of victories won and terrific disasters entailed on the defeated. Here is a random extract ; OPENISa OF HENDON. On Sunday, June 25tb, assisted by Privates Green, Easter, and Peacock, I opened fire here. The order was given so quickly that there was no time to advise the enemy of our intention, although numbers of them have been for some time expecting an attack upon this place. Sword-sharpening of both edges took place in the early morn, while many were still asleep, and some havoc was made in the Devil’s kingdom during the day. A sumher of the dark forces bad imbibed some of the devil’s “ fire water,” which rendered them incapable of doing anything but try to drown our offers of mercy. Many of them, however retreated wounded. The fighting which commenced at seven in the morning, lasted till nearly ten o’clock at night, capturing two prisoners.—Capt. Atkinson.

BY CONTRACT B—D—N AND SON. Then go to them anil say to them with compliment ironical— Sing, hoy ! to you, good day to you, and that’s what you should say. The story of \ our claims is quite an interesting chronicle— Sing, bah! to you, ha, ha to you, and that’s What you should say You say that you are treated with most merciless baroarity, You vow you’re persecuted, and you plead for Christian charity; And yet it seems your profits give you 'cause.for great hilarity— Say booh to you I pooh, pooh to you, and that’s what you sh suld say. It’s plain th it modesty’s with you a very rare, commodity— Sing booh to you! pooh, pooh to you, and that’s what yon should say. The way your d images increase is really quite an odditySing bah to you! ha, ha, to you, and that’s what you should say. Your figures seem to treble with miraculous rapidity; Hugs interest you seem to take, nd take it with avidity And yet you write about us in a tone of great acidity—■ Sing, hey to you! good day to you! and that’s what you should say. Somebody has been writing recklessly again —taking in vain, in tact, the name of the new politico-economical star, Mr George. Snys this authority, this somebody, “Mr George, the author of “ Progress and Poverty,” would cut the Gordian Knot by taking away the land from the landowners and giving them n jthing for it.” Now, Mr George does not say anything of the kind. But in page 364 of his ably-written work he does say “ I do not propose either to purchase or to confiscate private property. The first would be unjust, the second needless. Let the individuals who now hold it still retain it, if they want to hold possession of their land. Let them continue to cultivate their land ; let them buy, sell, bequeath, and devise it. We may safely leave them the shell if we take the kernel. It is not necessary to confiscate land, it is only necessary to confiscate rent.” Why will not somebodys he accurate in their statements. At the same time, I must admit that the author of “ Progress and Poverty ’’ is not a Tory of the old school, by any means, and that taking the produce of the land is almost as bad as taking the land itself. Still, if pride must be pinched, why should not wealth be made to pay?

THE M. H.R.’j FAREWELL. It’s clear that legislative charms have lost then* early Zest, To please onr fond constituents we’re done our little best; 0/ coarse we know that what we did won’t satisfy them all, And some of us for resignation may receive a call; But all we know and care is that we now are there, Through thin and thick we mean to stick to our employment rare; And let ns then be boll, our salaries we hold. For full three years (a thought that cheers) so et the people scold. U. If Bills are hurried through the House, wo hope you won’t upbraid You can’t expect us to be there when tenuis must bo played; Of cour eifwe go borrowing, we soon will bo dead broke,” But if we stop to vote, we lose our after-dim er smoke ; Laws may important be, But so is soda and B. You must nor- grieve if we won t leave a frienely cup of t«*a. Besides, it is no sin ; For when the House is thitt. More work they do. more- Bills get through, mere admiration win Asmoe-ebs.