Page 3 Advertisements Column 1

New Zealand Times, Volume XXX, Issue 4508, 1 September 1875, Page 3

“ Bub, did you ever stop to think," said a Michigan avenue grocer recently, as ho measured out a half peck of potatoes, “ that these potatoes contain sugar, water, and starch ?’* "Non, I didn’t, replied the boy; “but I heard mother say that you put peas and beans in your coffee, and about a pint of water in about every quart of milk yon sold." The subject of natural philosophy was dropped right there President Porter, of Yale College, recently gave the following laconic advice to the students in the course of an extended address : “ Don’t drink. Don’t chew. Don't smoko. Don’t swear. Don’t deceive. Don’t read novels. Don’t many until you can support a wife. Bo earnest. Be self-reliant. Bo generous. Be civil. Head the papers. Advertise your business. Make money, and do good with it. Love God and your fellow-men." Josh Billings gives the following advice:—When you hear a man say, “ Life is but a dream," tread on his toes and wake him up. “Life is real, life is earnest.” If he is a poet subscribe to get rid of him, and have him deposited in the Far West with a gun and ammunition, and a blanket for sole covering ; he will know very soon whether life is a dream or not. “You may retire," said Governor Moses to a colored waiter who was standing behind his chair in a South Carolina restaurant, “ 'Sense me, sab," said Sam. “ but I’se ’sponsible for dcspoons."

Education A D I E S’ SCHOOL, JIULGRAVE-SXKEET, WELLINGTON, Conducted by MISS G R I E E I T H S. First Quarter to Commence on MONDAY, the 4th of OCTOBER NEXT. September, 1, 1875. SCHOLASTIC. —Wanted, immediately, for a private school in town, an Assistant Master - , resident or non-resident ; twelve months’ engagement. Liberal terms allowed to a thorough teacher and trustworthy man. Applicant should be a fair linguist and a good mathamatioian ; a graduate of some University ; if Great Britain preferred (German, it thoroughly conversant with English language). Apply by letter, stating qualifications, &0., to A. 8., office of this paper. G* ERAL DI N E SCHOOL, CANTERBURY, Wanted a MISTRESS for the above school, minimum salary £75 per annum. Applications, with testimonials, to be forwarded by September 15th, to rpUITION IN FRENCH. Having a few hours unoccupied daily, will be happy to receive pupils in French. Apply to M. Bourgeois, at Lambton-quay, next Cafe de Paris. Terms on application. REV. GEO. BARCLAY, The Manse, Geraldine. M. BOURGEOIS