LOVERS’ QUARRELS

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1745, 16 August 1905, Page 25

LOVERS’ QUARRELS

(By Our Baneful Bachelor.)

Lovers’ quarrels are considered by many people to have a stimulating effect upon a courtship. The reaction which follows a not too serious disagreement often quickens the affection of the disputants. In many instances a quarrel is a cheap method of obtaining the sweet reconciliation -which follows.

Jt is a difficult matter for some young couples to quarrel, but with determination and practice the most docile and insipid can learn to do so. Perhaps ihe most efficient method of creating a tiff is hy a misunderstanding. If, therefore, you can say or do something which will lead your betrothed to misconstrue your meaning or conduct, there is a chance that a quarrel will result.

There is no need to do anything likely to lead to an irreparable breach. Desperate remedies for a dull courtship should be carefully avoided. Irritating trifles in plenty can be devised, which will answer tlie purpose much better.’ For instance, a little harmless attention paid_ to your sweetheart’s pet rival may be sufficient to cause the required annoyance. The dose may be increased or diminished, according to the patient’s patience. There is a risk, of course, that you may be unceremoniously thrown over, but one can do nothing without risk in this world.

Besides; jealousy is such a universal emotion among lovers, that none wishing to manufacture tiffs can afford to neglect arousing this passion. To make persistent fun of a sweetheart is an old and well-tried method of creating a quarrel; especially if the humorous onslaught is. made in the presence of others, and accompanied by the injunction to learn how to take a joke. If this faflfe to produce the needful irritation, innocent practical jokes may be tried. There is no necessity to suggest what form these should take. Every joker must invent his own jokes. Studied neglect is sometimes useful in promoting quarrels between’ fc the affianced. Omission to keep an aap-

pointmenb, or bring a promised gift, or to answer an urgent letter is an almost sure way of causing unpleasantness. The habit of asking rude, nose-poking questions answers well in some cases. Queries relating to the family disputes of a sweetheart’s parents are particularly useful in this respect. Slighting references, too, to a lover’s friends and relatives can often be relied on to cause a tiff.

Quarrels can often be created by pity. Condole freely with a sweetheart upon his or her defects and shortcomings, and such “well-meant” sympathy will be sure to arouse resentment.

To disparage tire opposite sex very bitterly is helpful, but usually too vague to be of great assistance in promoting real anger. More useful is the habit of talking about one’s ideals, taking care to extol the good qualities which are notably absent in one’s sweetheart. This kind of conversation, carried on in a cynical tone and off-hand style, may be relied on to nettle the most placid. Ridicule the sweetheart’s taste in anything and everything if you would have tiffs easily and frequently. Refuse to apologise when cornered and proved to be in the wrong; quarrels are then almost bound to come.

Make the most absurd, impossible requests to the beloved that you can think of; you can then pretend to take as well as give offence when you find they are not granted. Adopt a domineering tone. Assert yourself by insisting on the superiority of your opinions on every conceivable subject. It is certain then that the most docile sweetheart will rebel sooner or later.

Talk about your past love affairs. Be eloquent about tlxe handsome looks and other good qualities of old “flames.” This is a guaranteed raiser of trouble for any young couple. Be lacking m sympathy. Make lignt of your sweetheart’s troubles. _ Submerge them in the flood by which you recount your own. Take offence at the least cause and at no cause. Reprove a lover with or without reason.

Impose unreasonable restrictions on your sweetheart’s actions in every possible way so as to make the courtship nicely irksome. Be tyrannous, paradoxical and generally idiotic, then tiffs and quarrels will be beautifully easy and frequent.