ARE WE SPOILING OUR CHILDREN?

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1714, 4 January 1905, Page 2

ARE WE SPOILING OUR CHILDREN?

BY W. PETT RIDGE, _ Author ’of “Mord Emily,” etc. (Special Contribution, to “N.Z . Mail.”) • A bachelor can approach this question .'with anunbiased inind ; .he .may be wrong, but .he is at any rate impartial. Ahoreover, the judgment, given here is : hot final; a Court of Appeal exists ip . every- hbuseholcl and there my decision can be (reversed or upheld. Let hie. say ; at once that in my Opinion themethods V of parents are greatly , improved, and the • spoiling of children becomes less common • as the years,go bn. Whilst; there-is'not much' of 'the ‘ r Go and see what baby •is doing' and .tell. her she musn-t’';. o'n the - other hand the sentimental mother - ; no longer permits heiv ten year old boy to wear the long curls which some of us; ,cUSpd to pull i;i school days with a cry of “Shop!” Let us argue the matter and -('see whether we' are-at .one. in regard to reasons: Three judges some time since. . had to hear: a' case, • arid they; gate’ their , decisions as usual in order of seniority; “ Henn Collins, coming second, said, >C I _ agree 1”* -' Roiner, the third, remarked: “'I agree also!’, r “Pardon me/’ said Henn Collins, ‘I wish to. give my reasons.” And having stated these at considerable length/ Le bowed to his colleague to intimate-that he had finished. WI still agree/' said Lord, Justice ' Earner. s There was a'fime when children called eallod'Uie children who thus proclaimed 'servility can be imagined. Those were /Relays"vvhen no'Jiouse was completely fnr-~ ' Agwerrinesses/Used a'Tuler ntainly for ap- ■ nlihaticn'to little knuckles /.it. Was considered right and indeed indispensable : ithat: a'child should be shaken regularly/: nurses with the tact and intelligence of, 7 hens told their .charges grisly stories thatcame back to terrified- young, minds in , hours of sleep./ Girls were brought up to bo clinging and dependent, with a nice taste- in fainting; boys were cuffed ; into- a show of reverente Tor their elders.. 'I see no good reason why the child of 1901 should envy the child of 1851. ‘ “The good ot olden times let others state • I think it. lucky I was born so late 1” - -/ V Tip: RELATIONS BETWEEN ' - FATHER AND SON. ,= - ./What- is the general spirit existing • now between father and.son?- -So- far as I can see it. is one; of increased comradeship fathers are younger than, ever • ' and join in games in which sometimes the Hid Boys win, and sometimes, the d : Boys dqse,- j'tp/ the : gbod 'sportsman : i/this funatters - ■ V are- -indpor neoreatiorm nowadays' in which . / all/ thef friinily; can/jpin and- SchisNwho • '/afp-grpyung.iiip and; approaching thri .age ; 1 '-when'/ they • have /the .tnciinat-ion' tp'Tbe/ iarid - : iriakeytheir mark ’saritpwhete recklessly; can -be•• induced/! /(given• discretion to; .parents) to see that yhooirie jhas. : the 'attractipn'S - possessed by /fully /licensed premises, without some 7/of thei drawbacks to be found there. No ; - bb tte-r : way. exists of . training children ; : ;to ;be - goadltempe red.; 'once a boy : can:

lose even a mere game of bagatelle with equanimity, he.has been brought far on 'the road that leads to'a sane disposition. " The father generally charge of his ,hoy at ten, that being the age when the . 'lad brings home serious tasks. .from scheol' in regard to which the mother,goaded by appeals for advice and assist- /. anoa, 1 generally replies' that children bother mothers abp.iit siibjects Ayhich. ;. • > thothei'S; learnt, years’ school . but -hay©;; since Torgotiteri. are ' diebafydd. rby; a i •^^spebiEd;^regulationfrom going, to, H-ea-' w/yea-i'}:'-’^phis;is,3vberip.ithe r wise fatherwhu knows ‘his own children, comes in If : : hfh can' gain the..’ hoys affection .and:, ret -spect at. this .stage;-he; .will never really ; p lose,-them; ' The.fhoy may - call him “the : -.guyn ory or - hth,© 'old:d mi*’ or. “the pa/f-- • - W’; /the haihes;:AyU the fact that he’ is, pro-nd. to’ be his father’s sOh;'. The .greatesterror. 'that a father.. can make is to omit *t,o r ole the year that is t at’theftop dr 11 ie' current a,lnrunaclc and ' • to forget': that his sons' gro w 'older each : year. : The r e.. comes-' a time when they feel they . ha\u»: ■the; right' to - smoke indoors, , to • take ‘a /glass, of clave* with their meals,, to; go pn their or ? account, to the play. ' TTappy the hither who knows the right-.moment, for acceding to these applications,; for him who unwisely trios to preserve ■ the view that his boy -of . eighteen ought still to .be v/eariug - a sailor-bat with th & words. “H ;M. S. Obedient” there is in store an astonishing dis- . illusion-' ; ' '■ /■ _ “Beg pardon, father,”- says the lad, Wlio wishes- to break news gently, “but do 'you mind it-1 bring a friend into supper .this evening?” . ;;' yril.think it over, my 'boy !” “For a little music.” “Does your friend sing?” “FTas a beautiful voice,” says the lad, enthusiastically. “Dike a nightingale.” tOVy with imcredplity. ■■ “'What age P” “Abpiit my own age, father.'”

“ " , “Well, yon can.hring your/friend, but mind it’s not to be a precedent. . -I don’t -, want: the/.house, over-run with them.' And no staying late.” • :“She’lT ‘go back to her mothei“s -at ; ten.” ; • ': ///; ’At : , !/‘Siie?” :“.: •.A -'.'4 " •’.J/V'/' “v /: .“-it’s'a young lady I’ve been fond of ! for some time, father/’ blurts but the lad, “Wd wo are going, to get married soon 1” ' * - - . THE MODERN TREATMENT OF .; •.//;./ '"/a; children. ... , The mothers boys ‘are of the age ; when; they .be placed, in corners if their behaviour; comes shpah oF absolute pei> released on gi vm g - Abe ir, par ole. " I. siippose. aoiiie littlechildren.afestilhpunishedseverely, •' - but the 'general trend is. certainly in ; the way o'f milder correction ; for my : pwn part-1 Would; as soon think of whip- ■ !pihg h - lanibV Elyen the' fiendish patent is now fearful ; ; pf: public bpjnionf and of . The " very excellent: ■ 'society which prose-; : ••cutes .iii : such cases; I like to think that': we hear of the instances of cruelty that; do exist’. There' is a pill of y for" every • parent Avlio. allows temper to get out of , control;, and who- i.ri /this condition . inal- ; treats, childiren, and plenty of willing hands are .ready to. buy eggs aiid tahe a-, -straight aim. / / ' It is good To know that better care is;taken; of infarits than .ever-. The rate’ ■ of ■mortality is still terribly high, -and- . many, a ihite'vyllo has but jiist left, its • gpes back tb; hi nr ti rod of - a world ' for which - it. /yas ; not fully qualified 1 ,ThiS will, .continue' to. be the:, case , Until ? iiipthers; of the p o orest- class. are per stiad- : bd competent.. persons ! that tlieir in eth o disf ar e i nac cu rat e. . ' Ire col lee 11 h a t' ; VI 'once Ventured to remonstrate wi th a; in other. ..in : Hoxtonl who - was giving a 'few. mionths .old baby .’ some fat /meat, "and j a sip of . beef, and' - suggested that • bciil-etl millc-A • /;//.>///'t ■')> “T|xcusie j: ;.meV ; sir/’ she ; ; intetTuptecl, - hitil;the !air -'of. oiie reproving.- aii anui r teur; “the dear . little thing always lias. what we ’ave' ■ .' / r" : FOOD AND DRESS. , But mothers of a- better kind do seeni : to ,/takp. trouble nowadays ;to get the r.ght:- kind • Of/food 'for thei r .babes,.- aoid ■ mast' of the - infants whom- 1 am able -to. number amongst my acquaintances, 1 fvxhibit less of' that, fixed stare of .•n-e-..-; -‘detion than babes- did in the years of my youth. I am told they are dressed , . with something less of barbarity and' .that coinmonsense has entered a uomaiii: : where' onei- had decidled. not to expect it.i/,:GHileibf a- slightly larger growth•, are certainly ‘apparelled with' none of : the . cild 'occentricity. I hayey recollechons. ' fw/iibh" I ltave fi'ied.i.n -yam to effhce)> <>f ■'being, in my - early . youth. br.ougiit ,upT : soberly tih Kent/ Tbuf iof/suddenly .as/ ; tonishingTh© village arid, ereatihg .som'e- ! Thing tha t .amounted' tb the proportions of a scandal, by..appearing-suddenly; one Sunday morning as a preposterous High- - lander v\dth /bare knees and a tartan of. .some hither to unkn own clan, and having - / the Satisfaction of knowing.. tJiat every - ; unrent beside my own ivas! desolate with envy, \nipervibus''to the; teachings of tlie sermon. ..Later, I appeared • (rather ,as, ; though; I was! a member ;of a-! theg trical. . .stbbk /company) variously, as a shivering' '■ infant tin pe tt i 6 q at-s,; an U nhappy French officer, : a' midshipman, an expelled Turcoman -rvith fez complete. Children are ndt. now mad© the subjects of these sartorial experiments, and although, the, v eiy young still go out in ‘ mail-carts. with ' head-gear suggesting •! that. tlieir : parents intend them to' become, when grown . .Up/ . Beefeaters at the Towel/ there is reasonableness about the! attire; that,/although instigated by parents,; is -not always emulated by them. . "A

....; Occasionally a\ fear)' is ? expressed by fathers th,at v mothers spoil ah; only child • ' the mothers.: always retort that This is being done by. the fathers.. Certainly, recital of the Infant’s repartees, descriptiori of, his extreme goodness the. -first thing, in : the morning,; account of .hi s' excellent hOhay i our when no company -is jjt-esientdOtheso.are. sometimes enough to ‘turn..:heads and give a swollen idea of'• importance, blit )if this should 'be the. .case. in early days, the impression' is ) carefull-y re m owed so soon . a sit he only child steps out into the world arid, meetsbis )peers. I. would . rather -..this ovenpraise than encounter .the perpetual' -‘tagging, /the deeply rooted conviction that •whatever the 'cliiid desired to -do becomes, -.ip soi facto. wrong and deserv,'drig of reproof.; The- artful child,'lecoigriising the.; defp.cls of- .th is .system, con- , ducts himself)) as Bi er Rabbit did after the struggle With .the Tar Baby, protesting wildly .against the thing that he desires tv be'done,' ' Some parents have a /special voice for their children just as ■ people shou t... to - foreigners;' - I . carino t. think this nCceissary ; children have powers of heaivihg that are' quite as good as thev need be. . ./A' '

For f-hc yoi.tngster,sthenistelve:s, I. don’t Imo.w .any better counsel than that.: given by : Mr. George to .Woolwich, Bagnet..' “Trie time-: will come, my boy; when this hair of your mother’s will lie grey and idi is -forehead.' all crossed arid re-crc-ssed with, wrinkles-. Take care,)while.you are young, • that you can think in . those Pays ‘I never whitened’ a hair of her dear head, I never marked a sorrowful line on her face..’ For of all the many things that you can think of when you are a man, you had better have that.hv you, Woolwich!”