MR BOWSER VISITS A HEALTH RESORT

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1610, 7 January 1903, Page 12

MR BOWSER VISITS A HEALTH RESORT

(By "M Quad.”) \

fThome the“ thi evening with a smile on ins face. - t j believe/' ‘TS* "Do yon mean you S™lon“d ?3Sr Patgnt fire eseap 6 or whore we could spend a week, and £je 1 exclaim 'Eureka!’ In I have tumbled on a good' thmg solved the problem. Bead it. Mrs Bowser read: "Persons seeking for a homelike place in the country in which to pass a few weeks should write to the Crow's Nest; ln/rcre airv rooms, pure air, spring water, fS’vegetables, eggs and milk, pienty oi ©bide aid Bome-like surroundi^s; te taWe unsurpassed; no children o . +/ two minutes to the lake, minutes to the post office; no mosquitoes, flies or malaria; croquet, golf, ping-pong, etc.; terms, 25s per week. "Well, what do you think of it. ask Mr Bowser as she returned the slip. VSk it's a fraud," she repheeL "That’s you, of course. You see a. fraud and a swindle in everything. I wouldn’t have your mature for :any moneys What’s wrong about this advertisement ?” „ '‘lt promises too much for the money. "I don’t see it that way. Here are a farmer and his .wife who areionelyfor So society of nice people, and, being so situated that they can make a dozen or bo comfortable, they willing without robbing them. Anyone could tell by the very name that it was a nice place to go to. I’ll bet that farmer would f>reak his back to make his Boarders i>v How soon can you pack the trunks r "What for?” asked Mrs Bowser. "Whv to go out there, of course. We want two weeks off, and we have found the place. We needn’t even wait to write to them. We want those aary rooms, cool breezes, fresh vegetables and eggs f thTSsta. I can almost imagine myself sailing o’er the jdaddl waters of that lake this very mi#e. We ought tobe able to get away by dayafter tomorrow. I can pack my own trunk tonight.” Mrs Bowser wasn’t obstinate, but she was firm. She refused to do any packing Slims Bowser had taken a run out to Crow’s Nest and looked the place over. He at first flatly refused, arguing that uo one would dare advertise like that unless things were all right but finally decided to make the trip. While he was investigating she could be packing, and so no time would be lost. During the remainder of the evening he was in the highest spirits. He saw every feature, of those home-like surroundings in his minus eve, and over and over again he reposed in the ©had© of the pear trees or pulled a boat up and down the lake. Even in his sleep he was playing croquet and hunting hen’s nests, and his impatience was so great that he could hardly taste his breakfast. Mr Bowser got away at an early hour, leaving instructions that his trunks should be packed during the day, and after a ride of two hours on the train he arrived at his destination. He was so good natured on the way that he passed over several little things of an unpleasant nature, and when he was finally dumped out at a country station the conductor had come to regard him as a kind-hearted, mild tempered <Jd gentleman. Crow’s Nest loomed up half a mile away. It loomed from a sens© of duty. If it hadn't loomed, there would have been nothing but a bobtailed cow and a stack of marsh hay to make up the scenery. The prospect didn t strike lair * Bowser as a cheery one, but he plodded on through the dust of the highway until he reached the house. He might have thought there was‘ some mistake out lor * ™*-n at the gate who answered his inquiry by replying: _ "Yes; this is Crow’s N est. Do you front hoard?” ' It was a two story, unpainted and i nffnished farmhouse. The shade was furnished by four or five old plum Drees, ' and there wasn't enough grass about the place to furnish a cow with ten good bites. The lake was behind the house, and it was a part of a marsh. "Come in and.se© my rooms, suggested the man, who had a boil on his neck and a cloth tied around his head. In a dazed way Mr Bowser followed him. There were five or six untenanted rooms. Some were plastered, and some were not. All of them were airy because most of the window glass was broken. The view from the front rooms took in the highway, an old bam and_ a lima grown up to milkweeds. That from the back was composed of the marshy lake *nd an old horse standing on the shore and wondering whether he would better drink or not. "Com© down and see my wife before you decide,” said the man, and Mr Bowser followed him downstairs and out into the kitchen and discovered a red-headed, sharp-nose woman who was making ready to put a mustard plaster on her jaw to cure the toothache. "And now I'll introduce you to my boarder,” said the owner of Crow's Nest, and he led the way to a bench under one of the. plum trees where sat a sore eyed man, who ro&© up and said lx© Ixad gam©d. ten pounds in the last. week. "Well, what room will you take, ana when can we expect you ?’’ queried the * U "Say, now, this is a blamed fraud!” exclaimed Mr Bowser as he broke loose at last. . "What do you mean, sir ? "I mean that any man who will advertise as you do and bring people to such a hole as this ought to he booted all over the United States.” ~ , , “So you are a kicker, eh.? I thought you was, as fair as I could see you. Well, X don't waut you at any price-'*

"And. I wouldn't stop here for <j6so a day. Heavens, what gall I You ought to be prosecuted for swindling. You advertise ”

"Don't call me no swindler!” warned the host, as he grew menacing in his actions. "Is he lookin’ for a king’s palace and board at «£1 a week?'’ queried the wife as she stood in the door with her hands on her hips. "Who can ask for anything better than airy rooms, a beautiful lake and two minutes to the post office?” plaintively inquired the sore eyed man, as he squint, ed at the homelike surroundings. Mr Bowser uncorked with a pop and poured forth cuss words, and the result was a fight in which the odds were 8 to 1, and he went limping back to the station to get a train. On the way home he was kindly asked by half a dozen passengers how he got a black eye and a bloody ear and how the collar came to be ripped off his coat and hi© suspenders busted, but ho answered never a word. He was a® one deaf and dumb until he reached home, and children who saw the glare in his eye drew away from him. Mrs Bowser and the oat &at on the steps a© he turned in at the gate and halted at the front of the steps. '"Well, did you find paradise?” she asked as she braced her feet for the coming explosion.

But there was none. Mr Bowser gestured and worked his jaws, but words failed him, and he limped up the steps, passed her by and fell in a heap in the hall a® if dead.