THE SPOOFING OF SAMUEL BATES.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1316, 20 May 1897, Page 12

THE SPOOFING OF SAMUEL BATES.

A YARN FROM BIRMINGHAM. On Thursday, the 28th January, I was in Birmingham, and in the afternoon, having nothing to do, went for a walk or"t Edgbaston way. Feeling thirsty, and espying a neatlooking little wayside inn, I entered to recruit exhausted nature. The " parlour" into which I was shown was separated from the bar proper by a thin wooden partition. Thus I was able to hear every word of the somewhat noisy conversation within it. Being the day lived for the decision of the glove contest between pugilists Burge and Connelly, the subject discussed was naturally pugilism, and one remark led to another, until at last I heard the following yarn:— "Ah!" said one gentleman, in that peculiarly hoarse voice which tells of exposure to weather of all descriptions, " no doubt it'll be a rare fight, but speaking for myself, I see as nice a bit o' scrappm' as ever I want, 'tother night, down at the Toad-in-the-Hole. Blowed if Humper didn't cop it fine !" " What Humper 9" chorused the others. " How was it, ole pal ?" " Why ! 'twas this way," said the narrator. " Y'know the kind o' cove Humper is—not a bad sort when he's sober, but a fair terror when the tanglefoot's got him —always insulting and wanting to fight, leastways with anyone he thinks he can hammer, for h 9 ain't got no more heart than an oyster. Well, you know Sammy Bates ? Sammy and Humper were dead pals till last summer, when Humper took and spoofed him, something cruel. 'Twas like this. Humper was gardener at Walton's, out Aston way, and Sammy'd gone up to see him. " They were walking round the gardings, when they found a leaping-pole, as belonged to one of Walton's boys. Sammy picks it up, and begins jumping over things—you know he comes from Liverpool, so he'd used a pole many a time at the Waterloo Cup. " Bimeby they come to a hedge, 'bout eight foot high, as bounded the kitchen garden. " ' Think as you could jump that ?' said Humper, pointing. " ' Think V says Sammy. ' Course I could 1' he says. " ' What, here ?' says Humper, going to a place where 'twas a few inches higher. " ' Yes, there 1' says Sammy, ' or anywhere else, if 'twas a foot higher.' " ' I'll bet a gallon a 8 you don't,' says Humper. " ' What's tother ?' says Sam, trying to peer through. ' There ain't no cowcumber frames, nor ponds, nor nothing in that line, is there ?' says he. " ' No,' says Humper. • Straw, that's what 'tis on tother side.' " ' Straight?'says Sam. " ' True as I stand here,' says Humper ; and Sam takes a bit of a run. " ' Here goes !' says he, and he clears it lovely. Next moment he was running fit to bust himself, across that garding, slapping his head and cheeks, and yelling I blue blazes 1 For sure enough he'd lit on

J straw, but mates, it was straw done tip" i into beehives ! " There they was* a whole row of them I stood under that part of the hedge—which Hunter knowed it well—pore Sam 1 he j came down roush, oh ! atop on 'em, out come the bees, and he morficed. Humper laid down in the path, fair sobbing with laughter. I '• ' Blimy I' he says to me a day or two afterwards, ' I've seen George do the quarter-mile !' says he, ' and I've seen one or two Sheffield Handicaps, and I see old Stumer Hampton do a guy at Epsom, when Melton won the Derby, but I never see such a sprinting as Sam's, not in all my nat'ral puff 1' he says. "Hewever, Sammy got stung pretty bad, and though he made it up arterwards, and was aperiently pals with Humper, he swore he'd be evens with him—and so he is now.

j " Last Tuesday week Sammy meets him in Corporation Street, about 8 o'clock in the evening, and seeing as Humper was a bit on, and being aware of his ways, he takes him down to the Toad-in-the-Hole, where he knowed there was a bit of all right awaiting. " ' Come on and have a drain,' says he, and in they goes. There was no one inside, 'ceptin' a little,cove as was setting with his back towards them reading the paper, and me—l was in the corner smoking, and nodded when they come, but the little 'un, he took no notice, but went on reading, quiet and steady. Sammy orders two rums, and down they sets, Humper close up alongside'the little 'un. " ' Got a light, mate ?' says Humper, bimeby. • No,' says Sammy, ' ask the little cove,' and Humper did, but didn't get no reply, as made him begin to get riled.

j "' I asked you for a light,' says he, seeing as 'twas only a little cove,- ' ain't yer got a tongue in yer head ?' " Still the small 'un kep' on reading the paper. "'D'ye hear?' says Humper, going round in front of him. 'Ye miserable little half-starved chip off a broken down donkey, have ye got a light on yer, afore I sets a set about yer?' and he ups with his glass and swills the rum over him. Up gets the little cove, and piff! paffl he catched Humper right and left on the nose and eyes, and they goes into the back yard to settle it—cos ole Warner don't allow no scrapping in his house. \ " Love a duck I Humper hadn't no /chance from the start, and the little 'un done him down a treat! " 'Now we shan't be long!' says he, laughing, as Humper come up—very groggy—for the third round. He gets home on the mark, fit to split him in two, and as Humper doubled up, little 'un slips his arm round his neck, gets his head in chokey, and pastes him proper. " ' That's enough 1' says Humper at last, when he had managed to drop on to the ground. ' I give out,' he says, ' and I wonder who he is ?' he says to Sammy, as the little cove walked back into the house without a scratch on him, save about the knuckles. " ' Why,' says Sammy, whispering in his ear hole. ' I hear that he is the cove as fought Stiffy Bates for the light-weight championship oi the Midlands, and they do say as there's some talk of matching him again' the winner of the glove fight on Thursday week I—and at that Humper give a groan, and says he, " • Bust him!' why couldn't he answer when I spoke to him ?' " ' Why, mate,' says Sammy,' they tell me he is stone deaf. I suppose that is why!' " Lummy! wasn't Humper had on a string ?"— Sheffield Independent.