THE BYSTANDER.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1289, 12 November 1896, Page 13

THE BYSTANDER.

" When found make a note of." —Capt. Cuttle

A good story at the cost of the medical profession comes from Ireland.

W3EN DOCTORS DIFFER.

Two medical students were deputed by the surgeon in charge of a Dablin hospital to make ah examination of

the optic of a patient, and report on the | nature of the ailment. First one student peered into one of the patient's eyes and prodded it with sharp things, and then the other sawbones had a look in, gazing affectionately upon the eye as if he wanted to dissect it. The surgeon in charge, when both examinations had concluded, approached the students, anxious to learn the result of the diagnosis. "Cataract," said the first immature oculist. " Cataract," unhesitatingly added the second. " Will you be good enough, gentlemen," said the chief, "to have another long gaze into that man's eye in order to fully assure yourselves that there can be no manner of mistake about your examination." Again the youthful lancet-wielders focussed the patient's eye, and again announced that they had not the slightest reason to alter their first opinion. "Very well, gentlemen," said the surgeon, " you have indeed most carefully attended to this case, but I am sorry to say that you have dropped into a slight error in making your diagnosis. As a matter of fact, you have been criticising the wrong eye all the time. It's the man's off-eye which is affected ; the one to which you have paid so much attention being a glass eye, and a remarkably well made one at that." And then those two (students went out and kicked themselves and each other.

We have many chuckars - out in this country (says a Home paper),

TO CHEER FOR A SIDERATION.

but persons paid to cheer aie not perhaps so common. In America, however, they are not by any means unknown. We read, for instance, that a local character of Mount

Morris -will attend political demonstrations and the like this autumn, and cheer for a consideration. He has a stentorian voice, and can readily make himself heard a mile. At short range the volume of sound he can produce is said to be extraordinary for one pair of lungs. His terms are moderate, only a dollar an evening and supper. He has no partisan preference, and will hurrah for Democrats or Republicans, or even Prohibitionists, With the same heartiness and power. (How the New Zealand National Ass. would snap up this treasure if he were only within reach.)

A vert interesting coincidence, says an

THE czar's VISIT: STRIKING COINCIDENCE.

.English paper, is furnished by the position of the Turkish Question, in view of the visit of the Czar and the position the subject occupied when the first Czar Nicholas came to this country. It was on Sep-

tember 1, 1844, that Nicholas I. arrived, and he was the guest of the Queen at Buckingham Palace. The following is an extract from the " A nnals of Our Time/' which, read in the light of presentday facts, is curious:—"During his visit the Emperor had several conversations with the Duke of Wellington, the Earl of Aberdeen and Sir Robert Peel relative to the state of Turkey and the events that might be expected to follow in case of the dissolution of that Empire, which, in the opinion of the Czar, was an event not far distant. Their conversation ultimately took the form of a memorandum, deposited originally in the secret archives of the Foreign Office, but brought to light in after years, when the Emperor pleaded a common understanding with England in defence of his proceedings against Turkey." Fifty-two years have gone by, and Lord Salisbury has just had an interview with another Nicholas, while the guest of the Queen, on the same unhappy subject.

Stories concerning t>o Royal Family and the simpie folk about Bal-

THE SIMPLE TASTES Oi' ROYALTY.

moral are numerous, and have often been told. One in the Young Woman for October may be new to many. It is to the effect that the Prin-

cesses Louise and Beatrice paid a visit to an old woman living in a cottage on the slopes of Glenfinlas, who, knowing that they had some connection with Balmoral Castle, met them with the blunt enquiry, " Ye'll be the Queen's servants, I'm thinkin' ?" " No," they replied, with some amusement ; "wo are the Queen's daughters." "The Queen's docbters?" ejaculated the old body, with national bluntness. "Ye dinna look like it, for ye hae neither a ring on your fingers nor yet a bit gowd i' your lugs !" If the Duchess of Fife and her sisters had been subjected to similar outspoken scrutiny and judged by the same standard, they would not have fared any bettor.

Holidays, says The Hospital, ought to form part of the scheme of

HOLIDAYS, HOBBIES AND FADS.

life of every man, and they ought to be for him holy-days, set apart. as religiously for the work of physical recrea-

tion as his Sabbaths are for spiritual recreation. Especially is this true for the denizens of populous places, but equally necessary for all. A holiday conduces to better health and longer life, and if it be devoted to the regeneration of the mind and body in the contemplation of nature or art, the works of God or those of man, accompanied the while with agreeable physical exercise, it will achieve this purpose. "Hobbies" and "fads," of whatever kind, are most heathful and helpful. They exercise a beneficial reactive influence in taking the individual out of the rut of routine, and they make,

the wheels of life go more smoothly. Whatever its form, be it carpentering, model making, photography, book or stamp collecting, autograph hunting, chemistry, or any other kindred science, such as botany or geology, let the hobby be pursued leisurely, profitably and consecutively, and let it contrast as much as possible with the serious business of life. For the mental worker, let it be an occupation of the hands, which will cultivate skill, and which can best be carried out in the open air. His object ought to be to allow the brain to lie fallow for a season, and to reasonably develop his bodily physique against the time he returns to his pen and his books.

In Lippincott's Magazine there is an article on this subject, in which the

WHAT GREAT WRITERS READ AS BOYS.

following catalogue of books read by eminent writers in their boyhood will not be without interest. 1. Sir Walter Scott, before eight,

Bunyan, Milton, Pope's " Homer " and " Border Ballads "; before twelve, the "Fairy Queen," Tasso, Ariosto, Percy's " Reliques," and the novels of Fielding, Smollett and Mackenzie. 2. Eobert Louis Stevenson in his youth read Shakespeare, " The Three Musketeers," " Pilgrim's Progress," Walt Whitman's "Leaves of Grass," St. Matthew, Montaigne and Meredith's " Egoist." 3. John Buskin, the Bible, Pope's "Homer," Scott's novels, " Robinson Crusoe," " Pilgrim's Progress." 4. Eider Haggard, " Robinson Crusoe," "Arabian Nights," " Tne Three Musketeers," Poe and Macaulay. 5. Walter Besant, " Pilgrim's Progress," " Nicholas Nickleby," "The Tempest" and Pope's " Homer."

By a Parliamentary return recently issued for the years 1592-93, it is

CRIME IN THE BRITISH ARMY.

announced that the total number of desertions was 4529, or rather over 2 per cent, of the total strength. Courts-martial, 11,232 (5 per cent. about), and minor

punishments, 219,274. The return does not give any figures whereby comparisons may be made with other years, but the following statistics may not be without interest. The conduct of men serving in India and the various colonies was much better than of those stationed in England, which seams to enjoin the imperative necessity of making the life of the soldier on home service more attractive than it is at present. Without going into the highest and lowest crime records, it may not be invidious to state that in many companies of the engineers there was no case of a court-martial ; in others, no instance of desertion; and in the 19th company, stationed at Southampton, no crime of any sort.

When cabinet portraits first came out,

POPULAR PHOTOGRAPHS.

about twenty years ago, 95,000 copies of the Queen's likeness were sold in one year; but now 500 is a good sale, although in the case of

the last picture of Mr Gladstone 15,000 were disposed of. About fifteen years ago the portrait of Mrs Langtry could not be supplied quickly enough, and the numbers used, to run up to 50,000 in a month. Not long ago the run was on May Yohe, for the " mashers' " chimney-pieces, and now it is Mrs Patrick Campbell, Mabel Love and Cissy Loftus. For the up-to-date people, Ellen Terry in a new character sells well. She is a splendid poser, and her portraits always come out well. Maud Millett's portrait used to be a prime favourite with young men, especially undergraduates at Oxford and Cambridge.

The most curious railway in the world, which is only in use during

A RAILWAY ON ICE.

the winter, is that between Cronstadt and Oranienbaum, which is laid upon the ice.

Its success has suggested the construction of a similar winter railway between the two important commercial centres, Krementschug and Jekatarinoslav, which are united in summer by the steamboat traffic along the river Dnieper. This means of communication is closed in winter by the ice, and a long costly roundabout journey has to be made between the two towns, though they do not lie fai apart. So the ice of the Dnieper is to be utilised in future duiing the long winter by constructing a railway line across it for passengers and goods.

It is not generally known that discussions are carried on in the Swiss

A PARLIAMENT WITH T li Si. E E LANGUAGES.

Parliament in three languages. The languages spoken by the members are French, Italian and German. Italian, true, is not as often employed as the other two, the members

for Tessin (a canton in the South) very often delivering their speeches in French. As almost every educated Swiss speaks French and German, members are therefore able to understand each other's speeches, although spoken in a different language to their own. It also often happens that when a French-spealnng member wishes to make a stronger impression on the Gei'man-speaking part of the House, he delivers his speech in German, and also vice versA.

Emery comes from the island of Naxos, in the Eastern Mediterranean,

WHERE EMERY COMES FROM.

the trade being in the hands of quarry men who work on the co - operative principle. The beds are in the north-

east of the island, the deposit descending into some of the neighbouring islands, the emery being found in lenticular masses, resting on layers of schist in limestone, almost identical with Parian marble, the finest marble known, which comes from the island of Paros close by. There are about three hundred men engaged in the trade, all of whom have to be married before they are admitted to the

fraternity. The material is much too hard to be dug out, or even blasted. Great fires are lighted round the blocks till the natural cracks expand with the heat, and levers are then inserted to pry them apart. This system is continued until the blocks are reduced in size to masses of a cubic foot or less, and they are then shipped as if they were coals. There are said to be twenty million tons yet available at Naxos, and last year's export was 3950 tons. It is one of the hardest substances yet known, coining next to the diamond; and among its crystalline forms known to the jewellers are the ruby and the sapphire.

There is a curious specimen of naval architecture in the United

the "intelligent WHALE."

States Navy Yard at Brooklyn, which goes by the name of the " Intelligent Whale." This, however, is not its

official name. The boat in question is a submarine boat, which was purchased some years ago by the United States Government, and was intended to be used in fastening torpedoes under warships. It is a very queer, stumpy, cigarshaped production, and has its midship diameter equal to about half its length. On the top there is a, conning tower for the steersman, whose head is in this tower or dome; while projecting side windows are also provided, giving a view forwards, all being protected with gratings outside. A screw propeller is at the stern, which takes four men to drive. The boat was built to carry a crew of 13 men, and during a test many years ago, went to the bottom, and did not rise. Before it could be brought out by derricks all the men who journeyed in it were dead. The craft is now in a deserted corner of the dry dock, and affords a curious link in the history of submarine ■ boats.

Mr Clark Russell is the " Celebrity at

CLARK RUSSELL.

Home " in a recent issue of

the World. Mr Russell's vitality and forcible direct-

ness (says the writer) are things to remember. His "point of view," as the American literary man is so fond of terming it, is full of a striking originality. He draws a spark from everything lie touches. A great P. and O. steamer has recently been launched. Somebody relates his experiences upon the ti'ial trip. "Ah," cries your host, "a ship to me is a living memory of all she has gone through. People say the romance of the sea is dead since steam came in. I don't think so. Take this very steamer of which you are speaking. As she emerges from the clangour and toil and labour of the yard a beautiful ship, she can't forget all that she has gone through and that she has listened to. Her engines are always, as it were, singing 'The Song of the Yard'; Tom Hood sang ' The Song of the Shirt, and when next you go into her engineroom and hear the ceaseless thud, thud of the engine, you are hearing ' The Song of the Yard.' You run down steamers. And yet, recall the little mother of the now splendid fleet of the P. and 0., as she slowly steamed with the mails between Falmouth and Lisbon in 1837. But out of this mother has proceeded—what? What a progeny ! What beautiful giantesses of steel and iron."

It has always been a great mystery how the natives of barbarous or

HOW DO BARBARIANS TRANSMIT NEWS ?

semi - barbarous countries transmit news so quickly. In the Soudan, where the world's interest centres now; with the Indians, on the Western

frontiers of the United States ; among the Esquimaux of Alaska —in fact, with savages in nearly every quarter of the globe, the facility with which information is spread far and wide is marvellous. Only Avith the utmost difficulty has the intelligence department of the British arms learned of the movements of the dervishes. The Egyptians and the other native allies of the English army seem not to have been possessors of the dervishes'" secret modes. On the other hand, Moham-, medans everywhere were informed of the advance up the Nile of the Anglo-Egyptian army.

The chief of the Sultan's private police is a Frenchman. M. Bonnin

THE sultan's CHIEF OP POLICE.

was formerly a vei*y able Paris detective, who was sent on a mission to Constantinople. While there ho gave

some special information to the authorities, and Abdul Ifamid took him into his service on highly remunerative terms. M. Bonnin has managed to steer clear of all palace intrigues, and of late he has been aide to calm the terrorstricken Sultan, who is always receiving alarming rumours of plots to assassinate him. As an exception to the general rule, M. Bonniu'a secret police is always paid with promptitude.

From Vienna comes a romantic and painful story. It seems that for

A FOOLISH FELLOW.

some time past five sisters, presumably of British extraction, have been delighting

the "mashers" of the Kaiserstadt by their choregraphic talents and their dainty costumes suited to the heat of the weather. Count Arthur CsakyPallavicini, a smart young officer, and. son of one of the Imperial Chamberlains, fell violently in love with Miss Ethel Harrison, a member of the quintet. Though his intentions appear to have been strictly honourable, the lady did not respond favourably, even when he backed up his declaration by a threat of suicide. Overwhelmed with disappointment, the foolish fellow shut himself up in his room and blew out his brains. He left letters expressing a desire that his company of troopers should attend his funeral, that Miss Ethel should also be invited thereto, and that a popular Tsigane minstrel should sing his favourite ballad over the grave. All these requests were duly granted. In

deep mourning (says the St. James' Gazette) the fair cause of all the trouble was present at the service, and at its conclusion Pallavicini pere, grasping her hand, exclaimed, t: My child, the family bears you no ill-will. Pray to heaven, and you will receive a blessing."

Mk Willie Park, jun., the well-known English golfer, who has just

GOLF UNDER DIFFICULTIES.

returned from a visit to America, tells of a match he played there with Willie Dunn under exceptional cir-

cumstances. It was the time of the recent heat wave in New York. The thermometer registered 101 degrees in the shade. Notwithstanding this, there was a large following-, many of whom sought to overcome the effects of the heat by bathing their heads under running water taps on different parts of the course. It was almost impossible to keep the balls in a playable condition, as the heat softened the guttapercha. To prevent them melting, they were placed in ice and carried along by a caddie, who deposited a changed ball at each tee, while the old ones were replaced in the ice for preservation !

One of the latest New York crazes is the collecting of teapots ! A leader

THE LATEST FAD IN* COLLECTING.

of society, who started the idea, has already amassed a collection of over a thousand examples, varying in capacity from three gallons to under a thimbleful. The material is

most heterogeneous ; copper, silver, glaze, crackle—every sort of pottery is represented, and, of course, every colour. One pot represents Buddha ; heads, figures, birds, animals, fishes, beotles and reptiles turn out to be receptacles for the favourite beverage, some of the prettiest being tiny swans. In fact, the fair enthusiast—who spent some years in Japan in pursuance of her taste—has reason to be proud of her treasures, though the endeavours of her friends to emulate her may succeed in sending up the price of teapots to an alarming extent.

Many of the scientists \\ hose names appear in the newspapers in connec-

WOULD DO Tf I S BEST.

tion with Rontgen ray experiments are a good deal bothered by applications from people who imagine they have bullets

or other unpleasant foreign substances in various parts of their anatomy. The story goes that not long ago a certain physician well known on the lecture platform received the following letter : Dear Sir, —I have had a bullet in my thorax for seven year?. I am too busy to come to London, but hope you will be able to come down here and find the bullet, as I am sure the case is worth your while. IE you can't come yourself, sent your apparatus, and I will get one of the doctors here to use it. Yours truly, Here is the physician's reply:—

Dear Sir, —Very sorry I cannot find time to visit you, nor shall I be able to send my apparatus. If you can't; came to town yourself, send me your thorax by post, and I will do the beat I can witli it.

Youra truly,

And there the correspondence closed

Fainting as a fine art was introduced into France through the Abbe Pro-

QUITE THE VOGUE.

vost's translations of Richardson's novels at the close of the eighteenth century. Court

circles in Paris affected the hysterical sensitiveness of Pamela. The Princess de Lambelle, whose end was tragic, was always swooning to prove that she had a tender heart. The storms of the lie volution did not cure Josephine of her Richardsonian affectations. When Napoleon scolded her because of the size of her milliner's bill she would fall back on the sofa apparently lifeless. Lady Hamilton captivated Lord Nelson by swooning the first time she met him. Nelson's vanity was flattered, and his complete conquest easily followed. When Napoleon announced his determination to divorce her, Josephine indulged in a fainting fit that was theatrical and of long duration.

I Everybody, says South Africa, has heard of • " Bettingtcn's Horse," but

A SOUTH AFRICAN ADVENTURER.

few, perhaps, know what an extraordinary career Captain Bettington, whoso name they bear, has had. The Captain recently paid a visit to Eng-

land, and has just left again for the Hand. He was asked by South Africa for a sketch of his career, and this is |what lie wrote: —"Rowland Albemarle Arthur Bettington, eldest son of the late Albemarle Bettington, of Honourable East India Company's Civil Service. Brought up for the Army, but had to give it up for want of funds. Went to South Africa in 1872. Started by stoking the boiler of a distillery in Natal. Progressed to reading proofs for the Standard and Mail in Capetown. Gravitated to Kaffir land. Started farming in Kaffir land on practically nothing. Married in 1874 Fanny, the daughter of Bertram Egerton Bowker, on the same m ans. Made money and lost it. Could not geu a billet, so started business in East London. Got on well till 1877, when the war fever took me. Went through the wars 1877-8 in Bowker's Rovers. Medal and clasp, glory and ticks. Blank ruin. Went ahead once more; did well till the railway to Kimberley was merged in the Western and Midland systems; ruin to East London and yours truly. Meanwhile r-aised and commanded the Kaffrarian Rifles for four years as Captain and Acting Major. Volunteered j for the Egyptian War, but services declined ] by Sir Thomas Upington. After business had gone to Hades, ran the East London Advertiser for fifteen months. Starvation, overwork, threatened libel cases —three. Result: More glory and ticks and no oof. Cleared for the Transvaal in 1888. Made a bit of money. Went home to see my

father before he died. Returned; found everything gone to blazes. Tried broking on the Stock Exchange again. Fair success. Wrote for the Critic. Dabbled in politics. Member of the Executive Council of the National Union. Got on well in 1895. Joined reformed movement. Raised Bettington's Horse. Colonel for eight days. Then two days at home. Fifteen days in the Pretoria gaol. Afterwards loafing about the same town on bail and parole. Let out as far as Johannesburg when the preliminary examination was postponed. Present position. Busted concern, with house and. bank balance interdicted. Wife and five boys. Eldest served as my galloper. Youngest in the cradle. So much for Buckingham or Bettington." It is not " beer and skittles" with everyone in South Africa, but we trust that there are better times in store for the Captain.

" Have you anything to declare ?" asked a

HOAXED ALL KOUNP.

Customs officer of a peculiarly precise and prim - looking clergyman, on his arrival at Charing Cross from the Con-

timent. " What do you mean?" retorted the latter angrily. "Have you any tobacco, cigars, spirits or ?" " Sir!" came the indignant interruption. " I'm a minister of the Gospel." But even this " declaration" did not prevent the officers from making a thorough inspection of the reverend gentleman's luggage, to which they devoted rather more care than usual, on account of a communication made to them a short time previously by two of his fellow-travellers whom he bad. somewhat offended by his overbearing manner. The search was short. In a few seconds one of the officers drew from the clergyman's portmanteau an unmistakable spirit-bottle, tightly corked and well filled. Tnen the frosty indignation with which the latter had hitherto regarded the proceedings gave place to utter confusion, as he protested wildly that he was a most strict teetotaller and could therefore have no possible use for the bottle, on which he absolutely declined to pay duty. Matters were getting serious when it occurred to one of the Customs men to uncork the bottle and examine its contents. It was filled with water.

In connection with the recent visit of Lord Russell of Killowen to the

MOTHER RUSSELL, OF SAN FRANCISCO.

United States, it is not generally known (says a London paper) that the Lord Chief Justice has a sister who for

many years has been the Superior-General of the Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy at San Francisco, and who is known as " Mother Mary Baptist." Mother Russell is the " Chief's " junior by five years, and has been in California since the age of twenty-five. Ten years or so ago, when Lord Russell was in California, he paid a visit to his sister, in company with the late Lord Coleridge. Mother Russell, who shares a large part of the talents of her distinguished brother, possesses a high reputation in the States fop her virtues and benevolent enterprises.

The following essay by a youth of the

" OUR SCHOOLROOM."

Fatherland has just been published by a Cologne scholastic paper ; —" Our schoolroom furniture consists of desks,

benches, inkstands, a stick, and tho teacher. Most of the things in our schoolroom are very old, only the stick is quite new. When a boy comes into school later than the teacher he is an idler, and tho teacher punishes him. On the wall-maps there are rivers and towns painted so that we may learn them by heart. The teacher knows them all, but we don't; but he has been a long time in the school. The teacher has made a hole in the Promised Land with his stick. In the schoolroom there is a thermometer. It warms the room better in summer than in winter. The teacher must watch it till it reaches 80, then let us go. The school inspector always praises us, but our master is very glad when he has gone away. A boy who steals apples gets one whack, if he steals the teacher's apples he gets two. Our master is now very ill, and we have no school. We do not know whether he will get well or die, but we hope for the best."

** Jokes at the expense of Scotsmen die hard. Recent mortality re-

SCOTS;' JOKES.

turns have been highly satisfactory, however, I assure you," writes a Scots corre-

spondent of the Westminster. " Southron anti-Scots humour may be said to be based on three propositions ; —l. That Scotsmen joke ' wi' deefioulty.' 2. That only NorthCountry oars can stand the bagpipes. 3. That all Scotsmen are devoted to c whusky.' As to number one, it was latelj' reported that some of the best jokes sent into Punch are cmtributed by Scotsmen. With reference to the second charge, it is only necessary to point to the fact that according to the public press the taste for the pipes is steadily spreading in this country, and that the best authorities state that the musical instrument of the Highlands was once common enough in England, vide Shakspare's reference to the Lincolnshire bagpipes. In respect of the third allegation, the latest piece of statistics is that to be found in the latest report of the Congregational Union. Some 95 per cent, of the ministers of that body in Scotland are teetotalers. The record is ominously silent about their English brethren !"