TIPS FOR BRITISH FARMERS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1285, 15 October 1896, Page 4

TIPS FOR BRITISH FARMERS.

Stick to wheat. It was good enough for your forefathers, and ought to be good enough for yon. Clamour for protection. There is not the slightest chance of your getting it, but it can do no harm to ask for it, and it takes your mind off such comparatively unimportant subjects as rent, compensation for improvements, and so on.

Leave your soil alone. Don’t spend money on nitrates or other new-fangled devices for increasing its fertility. If it grows weeds, as it. probably does, it can grow other things if it likes. Don’t humour it.

Never plant a fruit tree. Fruit encourages birds (and boys) to steal. If anybody suggests jam, tell him “ you are not a grocer,” and see what he says. The probability is that he can say nothing in face of such a smashing retort.

Never co-operate with neighbouring farmers, in spite of what Lord Winchilsea nrges. That sort of thing may suit the poor despised Dane, but not the free Briton. As a rule, the worse terms you are on with brotherfarmers the better.

Eggs are entirely beneath your dignity. So are poultry. So are most other things. You might do a little stock raising, but only in a casual way. Cows are a nuisance; let nothing tempt you into the absurd “ fad ” of dairyfarming. It’s the sort of think for milkmaids and milksops, not for you.

Keep no accounts. Never read anything about your business. If the world moves, decline to move with it. You will find this course the simplest, and the Official Receiver a very pleasant gentleman after all. — Punch.