ECHOES OF THE WEEK.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1200, 1 March 1895, Page 21

ECHOES OF THE WEEK.

Satire's ray weapon, but I'm too discreet To run amuck and tilt at all I meet. Pope.

BY SCRUTATOR.

IAM afraid the Exhibition project, laudable and excellent idea as it is, hangs fire, and will not be carried into execution. It seems to me that what New Zealand wants just now is a fillip to its export trade, and this can be done, I am inclined to think, in an original and none too expensive manner by means of an enterprise, which would, in the long run, cost lest and achieve an infiinitely greater amount of practical good than would the proposed Wellington Exhibition. It is well-known that some of "the big ocean liners are hot at present returning aflyverjr' handsome profit to their" Owners, the shipping companies, and this, being the case, I would respectfully submit the following project to the consi- ! deration of the Government. Let an ocean liner be chartered, say for eighteen months, and befitted upas a kind of travelling New Zealand Exhibition. . Let the samples of our wool, our grain, our fruits, our mining products —of all kinds—our timbers, our dairy produce be obtained, let them be arranged in a highly attractive manner, with tree ferns and nikau palms, with native glasses surrounding them, let there be arrayed in one part of the vessel a special "tourist" department, with fine enlargements of photographs of our magnificent scenery, views of the Southern lakes, of the Thermal Springs district, of the Southern of the lovely Wanganui River scenery, views, in fact, of each of the many interesting and beautiful districts to which a tourist is attracted.

T ET there be a special room also fitted up ■W'l by'the Lands and Survey Department, with plans and details of our lands open for settlement, accompanied by a" plentiful V supply of wejl written and attractively printed pamphlets on New Zealands climatic and social advantages. Further, let each great industry be represented by a smart and courteous representative, a sort of sublimated bagman, as it were, who is gifted with expert knowledge and ready and able tongue to explain the merits of the products shown. Fit up your vessel on these or . similar lines, and then run a grand globe trotting excursion under the patronage and control of the New Zealand Government. The cost of stocking the vessel would not be great, for I am assuming that the samples of produce o>: alLsorts would be supplied free of expense by those directly interested. Let those who take part in the excursion as pleasure seekers.pay a reasonable fare, provide a rattling good table, and and let there be supplies Of all our meats, and dairy produce in the vessel's refrigeratirig chamber Sufficient to last for some months.

THEN when > all is ready, when the samples of our national produce are all on hoard ? when the ocean going bagmen have packed theii trunks and got their latest and lowest "quotations/' let a start be made and something like the following route be adopted:—Wellington to Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Towns ville, Cpoktowhj Batayia, Manilla, and then on to China and Japan, visiting the principal ports. From Japan to Frisco, from'Frisco to Callao, from Callao round the Horn to < the Argentine and the Brazils, thence to Europe and home by Egypt, Ceylon and Adelaide. "What a noble excursion, what a chance for ' inhabitants of the many lands visited the products and 4 possibilities of this " God's Own Country " of ours| At each port get together the local notables, Chambear-of Commerce men* leading merchants "and the like. Feed them well at carefully prepared banquets, at "which New Zealand meat, fish and dairy produce may be practically tested. Cram their pockets with samples of our wools and grains land all the rest of it, stuff their . heads with statistics proving incontestably that ours is "the greatest show on earth," as the late lamented Barnum used to saysend them away in fact, full, both stomach and mind, of New Zealand foods, facts and . figures. -ii.

V N unworkable idea, you say. Not a bit of it. Nothing is impossible in these days, and if we want to make this Colony better known to the outside world we must be prepared to " boom" it in some such way as I propose. It is an age of advertising and advertisers, and why shouldn't a colony advertise just as does a private business firm. Cheers then for the good ship "Zealandia" (I would have the liner rechristened for the trip) and the crew of national bagmgn ,and the cargo of samples of national produce. T make 1 no charge for ray suggestion, begotten as'it isof a generosity which is one of the best poihts in my character. " Scrutator " offers it to Mr Seddon ahdhiscolleag ue ß free gratis and all for nothing. Of course, should the Government require a young—comparatively young man, full of energy, a walking encylopsedia of everything pertaining to New Zealand, a man of genial manners and a vast capacity for ly'—l mean expatiating in the. most glowing" terms about the resources of the Colony —well, I don't say but what "Scrutator " might not be able to lay Mr Seddori " on " to such a treasure. But, joking apart, the suggestion I have made would, I believe, even if not carried out in its grandiose entirety, work a marvellous amount of practical good to the commerce of this Colony.

OUR city rate 3 are so high that it should be pleasant to hear of any instance wherein our City Fathers display a rigid economy, but there is false as well as true economy, and in a certain case the doctrine of cheapness has been carried to an extreme. The other day I was struck with mingled astonishment and admiration at the sight of some workmen painting a portion of the telephone posts on the Quay, For a while I. laboured' under the sweet delusion

that to the aesthetic eyes of the City Solons, the hitherto unpainted poles had become an eyesore, and that adornment pure and simple was the object of the workmen. Later on, however, comes along another man with a stencil plate and a pot of paint, and behold the object of the work became evident—the the telephone posts were being adorned with inscription, ""Wait here for tram and bus." Unfortunately stencil lettering is notoriously indistinct, whether on wool bales, candle boxes or telephone posts, and so it is that the inscriptions partake more of the nature of a Chinese puzzle than legible and useful public notices. It appears to me, seeing there are many painters out of work just now, the that necessary--lettering could have been done by some of these in a workmanlike style without very much extra cost to the corporation. The present inscriptions may have been cheap, but they are cheap and nasty, and to ';he average members of the public quite useless. The Corporation should study true, not false economy.

WHAT a firm hold John Bull has got ,on Egypt through that most energetic and determined of men, Lord Cromer. The Khedive, a young man who is apparently, like all Eastern rulers, apt to be dominated"' by the bad: advice of his entourage, has' been,' I see/ playing up, as the racing men say, only to " come a cropper " —to continue the sporting simile —at the Cromer hurdle. Probably, were the whole truth known, we should find that French intrigue were at the bottom of the recent, trouble. , Prance shirked her duty at the time of the Arabi Pasha affair, England did hers\. and has reaped the reward, whilst Johnny Crapaud now stands aloof where he would fain enter, and sneers and jeers at and plots and schemes against the British control in which, had he had pluck and sense enough a few years ago, he would have fairly shared. The honest truth is that John Bull has thoroughly whipped Johnny Crapaud in Egypt. The total Egyptian export and import trade amounts to about twenty one millions sterling. Out of this total the British share is Over ten millions, whereas that of Prance is not quite two»-millionß. Of the vessels that go through the Suez*Canal.England has 75 per cent, and Prance only 8 per cent., and mind you, in no way is England favoured by any preferential tariffs or treaties in Egypt. She beats Prance off her own bat, as' it were, and Prance is desperately, malioiously jealous.

BUT, supposingf Fiance had been the dominant power in Egypt to-day, what then ? ; Wouldh she have had no special " favoured nation " basis in the commercial treaties ? Of course she would. John Bull, with all his faults, gives a fair field to his opponents andkgets no favour. He wins, however, all •the' same. No wonder the Parisian press • js jealous, and that French intrigues in Egypc are always directed against let perfide Albion. But John, good old sober-sided Bull, goes on his way firmly and strongly, and Lord Cromer is the personification of John-—a sorb of latter-day Palme'jrtjton. Before this strong Briton the selfish,, vicious Pashas and their, tool, the Khedive, have perforce to give way. With;; British interests in Egypt what they are, Brill's motto as regards that country must be, " Here I am, and here I remain." And that it is good for the Egyptians—bar the pashas and the official Bull should remain in Eg ypt> is-proven by the financial returns for last year, which show a reduction of taxation upon the peasant cultivator cla#3f*of 13-jper centrl-r For the Egyptian fellah the British control.; means peace, security, and freedom front official tyranny.

THE Sydney Town and Country Journal possesses a New Zealand correspondent in the person of one "Hirst Browne"— whether male or female I know not. "Hirst Browne's" description of Wellington, in one of his or her recent letters is decidedly novel, and much of the information contained in the letter -will come, I should say, as a surprise to Wellingtonians. "Hirst Browne"

Dear Town and CouNT&v^CousrNs, —I am back in pretty, sunny, little Napier once more. I enjoyed my week's visit to Wellington, though, as a place of abode, I do not love the Empire. Citv. It is an uncannylooking place—the'city' part, built on a narrow rim of flat ground, most of it reclaimed, running at the foot of the weird, frowning hills which press on and encircle the whole of Port Nicholson. The residents just scoop level spaces out of the precipices, run up their wooden houses, put steps up or down to them, and, behold, there is their dwelling. Some of them are beautiful and picturesque enough indeed, and the people manage to hang very pretty gardens and lawns down the steeps. I saw a man cutting his lawn on a ladder. It occasionally happens that a , householder rises in the morning to find his -"front garden slipped down into his underneath neighbour's back yard, and the poor underneath man has to pay for the clearance of his ,invaded premises. Occasionally, too, the slopes in the main street are burst' into by an earthslip from the overhanging cliffs at the back. Yet, strange to-'Say', few serious accidents occur. The surrounding hills are earth-quaky-looking to the last degree, impressing one with the idea that they had gone through ages of shivers. In their seamed, wavy, and indented appearance they remind one of corrugated iron, but there are some magnificent views to be obtained from their heights. ■

I WONDER where " Hirst Browne " saw the " man cutting his lawn on a ladder." lam not aware, that lawns are grown on ladders in Wellington. The story of the householder who finds "his front garden slipped down into his underneath neighbour's back yard" is a plagiarism from one of Mark Twain's Nevada yarns in the "Innocents at Home." "Hirst Browne" is perhaps. connected with the Napier Conservative press, which possesses a genius peculiarly its own for misrepresentation of affairs Wellingtonian,

JN answer to my enquiry (on the behalf of a correspondent) for the titles of some of the best works on the question of bimetallism, now so much to the front, Mr Thomas W. Rowe, the Chief Librarian of the Wellington Free Library, courteously sends the following very useful and interesting information : < Wellington Public Library, February 23nd, 1895. Dear " Scrutator answer to your request for a list of books' ori Bi* metallism, I may state that the following' works are mentioned in Sonnenschein's \ -.: v " Best Books,"lß9l:—Atkinson (E.) [Am.]. —Bi-metallismin Europe [report on precious metals and standards], 8s; Triibner, 1888. : Bagehot (Walter). —Some Articles on the Depreciation of Silver, and Connected Topics, 5sS; Kegan Paul, 1877- Barbour CD,);—-The Theory of Bimetallism, (Js; Casstell, IBio. Barclay (E,.) ; Silver and Gold Question; Sis; E. Wilson, 1889. Crump (A.). —Investigation into the Causes of the Great Pall in Prices, 6s ; Longman,- 1889, Fawcett (H.), —Depreciation of filter ori his Manual of Political Economy), 12s j Macmillan, 1883. Gibbie (H. H.) and H. R. Grenfell. —The Bi-metallic Controversy [coll. of pamphlets, speeches, letters, etc.], ss; E. Wilson, 1887. Horton (S. Dana) [Am.]. —The Silver Pound and the English Monetary Policy since the Restoration, 14s; • Macmillan, 1887. —-.—Silver and Gold: Their Relation to the Problem of Eesump- "; tion, I'dol. 50 cents; Oincinriatti, 1880. Laughlin (J. L.) [Am,].—History of Bimetallism in the United States, 2 dol. 25 cents; New York, 18S5. Weston (G. M.) [Am.],—The Silver question, 1 dol, 25 cents; . New York, 1878, Wilson (A. J.).—Eeciprocity, Bi-metallisin, and Land Tenure Reform, 7s Gd ; Macmillan, 1880, In addition to the foregoing list Of books may be mentioned the numerous Works on money and currency generally. I do not know what books on the subject have been pub* lished since 1891, but a reference to the English Catalogues for 1892, 1893 and 1894 (Which, unfortunately, the Wellington Public Library does not possess) would show what works on the subject have been published in the United Kingdom during those years. The magazine literature on the subject is indexed up td 1887 in Poole's Index of Periodical Literature; Of the books mentioned in Sonnenschein's list, only one --Horton's Silver Pound —is in the Wellington Public Library. There are, however, numerous works on money generally, and on economics generally, in which the subject of Bi-metallism is discussd, that can be seen in this library. I might also mention the article on Bi-metallism in Chambers' Encyclopaedia, which refers to numeroUa works for and against the theory. The chief of these are '• Fowler's APPreciation of Gold, Giffen's Essays on Finance, Nicholson's Treatise on Money, with "essays on present monetary problems, Report of the Royal Commission. Hoping that your correspondent will find the foregoing information useful, —I remain, &c, Thomas W. Rowe. As a cheap and useful work on the same subject, Mr R. E. Creswell, of Te, Horo, recommends '• A Popular Explanation of Bimetallism," by E. F. B. Harston, b'd ; published by H. Good and Son, London.

MANY months ago I lamented the fact ' that the awfully monotonous "On the Ball," that ditty so dreadfully, so awfully popular at'football, smcke concerts and similar festivities, had enjoyed a sufficiently long " run—to use a theatrical expression. I suggested that it should be replaced by some less hackneyed ditty, and pointed out that Mr Hoben, the presiding genius of the New Zealand leather-kickers, should set his wits to work and come to the rescue of the unfortunate public, to whom "On the Ball" was rapidly becoming a weird, real nightmare, not to say an abominable nuisance. Mr Hoben has, I am glad to notice, taken my advice to heart, and I have now to acknowledge receipt of an Irish football song, the words of which are from his pen, the music being furnished by his brother, Mr Sydney Hoben, well known in Napier and Wellington as a very clever musician and composer. " Crom-a-boo,'" the title of Mr Hoben's ditty is decidedly reminiscent of " Kilaloe" and " Ballyhpoly," but it is none the less amusing and welcome for all that, and indeed is a much wittier production than either of Mr Robert Martin's more or less celebrated songs. A few verses I now quote :

For nigh a week I vow There hadn't been a row, We weie growin' into quite a Quaker crew, An' our Docther (who's a daisy) Was gettin' quite unaisy, As he doubted how he'd see the winter through, Ses he to me, " Avick! I've a mind to cut the .stick, For sorra job is there for me to do; There's not a man in bed, An' ne'er a broken head — Faith ! I don't know what's come over Crom-a-boo!"

Just then we met a man That came from Kilmackan (It's a town in which they know a thing or two), An' we tould him wo were waitin' All Hue mouldy for a baitin', Yet we couldn't raise a fight in Crom-a-boo. Ses he, " We've got a plan In the town of Kilmackan ; Sure it's just the very thing for Crom-a-boo ; We play a game they call Be the quarename of 'fut-ball,' I'll quickly bring the boys across to play at Crom-a-boo." The description of the Crom»a-boo football ground reminds me of one or two up-country grounds I have seen in New Zealand I

So sure enough they came, An' we raised another tame (Faith it wasn't very " tame " they looked within an hour or two). An' we got the finest ground You'd see for miles around, — As flat as any table —bar a weeshee hill or two ; With a taste of standin' grain An' a thriflin' six-foot drain, An' a thricklin' bit of bogthat ran the boreen through ; With a hospital most dacent, An' the cemethry adjacent, Oh ! you'd never find a betther nor the ground at Crom-a-boo.

The chorus runs thus : ¥&& fc}ay talk of Donnybrook, And tMlow when Jim was took, Or the divil of a ffhindy that they had at Watherloo; But if you've no avarsiofi To genuine divarsion Thrya frindly. game of " futball " with the hoys at Crom-a-boo. Thry a frindly game of "futball" with the boys at Crom-a-boo. but the best thing in the song—or ont of it shouldn't it be I— is the encore verse : Just whist a moment pray, I've another word to say— We'd the very foinest wake you ever knew, And we buried every man That came from Ballybran —- Oh ! we do the thing in style in Crom-a-boo I The Docther at the wake With '' emotion " couldn't spake, But he bid the boys to dhrink at his expinse, As he spluthered out " Hurroo For the boys of Crom-a-boo — Divil mind me, butyer futball is immense !" The air to which the above really funny and clever words are set is lively and fairly catchy, and I look forward to " Crom-a-boo " becoming very popular. My hearty congratulations to both author and composer. '•Crom-a-boo" should bury " On the Ball," and, I hope, without any fear of a resurrection of that latter. • a~D> . GLAD to see you can take a • 83 • joke as well as give one. If you keep your " eyes peeled',''* to use a colloquialism, you may soon catch me tripping on some point upon which I can be bowled out without chance of reply.