HERE AND THERE.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 1152, 30 March 1894, Page 11

HERE AND THERE.

CLIPPINGS, CONDENSATIONS, AND COMMENTS.

Mr Willis, M.H.R.. is evidently an export mountaineer, although to look upon his somewhat diminutive figure one would hardly think so. The Wanganui Chronicle says: — Mr Willis, M.H.R.. and Messrs George and Frank Allen ascended Ruapoha. by way of the North Peak on Thursday. Bth, and grot down into the crater. Mr George Alien ascended again on Saturday. 10th. with Mi-Herbert-Joines, a gentleman from England, who is preparing 1 a Handbook of New Zealand. They got to the North Peak, but wore stopped from going further by a westerly gale with mist, sleet and hail. Says Kitmara Tint ex: — It happened south of Knmara : There was a party slightly the worse for whisky in the parlour of a hotel. Suddenly the door opened and a red-nosed man entered. Said one of the youngsters, winking at his comrades, " Hullo.' Mr So-and-So, pray what makes your nose so rod?" " Because, sir. said the red-nosed man. with a glare of fury, "it blushes at the sight of auch an infernal scoundrel as you." The Kumara paper says " the story is true in all particulars," but we have a much more than merely faint recollection of having read something like it before.

The old adage about the " deofeeculty " with which the average Caledonian sees a joke is well exemplified in a recent paragraph in the Australasian's "Talk on Change." "Wonimera" says: That some Scotchmen cannot sec a joke was proved not long since at a meeting of ono of the Government boards. A member told a story to illustrate the contention. It was the familiar ono of two travellers by road reading a notice on a poster concluding with " Persons unable to read must " inquire at the blacksmith's shop round the corner." The point of the illustration lay in the fact that it was not until next day that the Scotch traveller saw the joke and explained it. "Of course, when he'd gao roond the corner tae enquire, the blocksmith wae'd bo oot." Although a Highland member of the board laughed loudly at the story, there was more than a suspicion int.ie mind of the narrator that he was as dense as the original Scot. "I don't behave Mac sees it now," ho said. " Whet nawusense !" said Mac in a long-drawn Highland accent : " if coarse I see ta choke, an" a cood choke it is." Challenged for an explanation, he said, "Why, when they went roond ta corner ta enquoiro, ta blacksmeeth would be away, put his wife would be there i" As with the " drink t-affic," so with the " opium curse," there arc two sides to the question. The clergy of Calcutta have drawn up a memorial which, says the Calcutta paper, The Englishman, should be perused with attention by the English opium faddists. The divines in question say : " It seems to us that while it is most natural that philanthropists in England should have a general horror of habitual Use of opium, the climate, the conditions of life, &c., in India are so entirely different from those prevailing in England, that the question assumes in this country a totally different aspect. While admitting that there are evils arising from the abuse of opium, wo are of opinion that they are not sufficiently great to justify us in restricting the libei-ty which all men should be permitted to exercise in sunk matters, medical testimony seeming to show that opmm used in moderation is in this country harmless, and, under certain conditions of life, distinctly beneficial."

Altering the word " opium " to " alcohol," the last sentence may well be recommended to the attention of fsitt and Co.

If, instead of advocating Prohibition, the extremists amongst the Temperance Party wtrc to initiate a crusade against adulterated " grog'," they would be doing 1 more practical good. A recent issue of an English trade journal. The Manufacturing Chemist, has a most shameless article on "Liqueur Manufacture," giving recipes for tlie concoction of imitation wines and chimpagnes of different brands, Bordeaux, Burgundy, Madeira, Malaga, Port, Cognac and Rum. London Truth referring to this production, says : One of the brandies i< described as a " Cognac of fine quality/' In giving instructions for the manufacture of champagnes, The Manufacturing Chemist is kind enough to travel beyond til* domain of chemistry. It explains not only how to prepare the liquors of Eodercr.lleitlsieck, and' - Chandon andJVloet" (sic), but it gives particulars of the seals and capsules. It will be news, I think, to most people that the production of sham wines, including imitations of individual brands, is part of the business of a "manufacturing chemist," and it is news which can hardly be too widely known. How much of this "manufactured" stuff comes to New Zealand, and what, if any precautions are taken by the Customs Department to prevent its introduction and sale to the deluded public ? An answer respectfully requested ! j What does the Auckland Observer mean by the following paragraph ? You may seo "By Appointment to His Excellency the Governor" over dozens of shops in Wellington. And yet many Wellington business people will tell you that the vice-regal patronage is a very expensive article. Can it be that some of our Governors and the members of their suites have forgotten to "stump up"? Perish the thought. Will the Observer please give names and particulars ? Bather late, but better late than never

(it was delayed by the author's illness 1 ), comes Herbert Spencer's tribute to the late Professor Tyndall. It is in the Fortnightly for February, and contains some interesting passages. \Vp quote one : If not in the collegiate sense, yet in a wider sense —Tyndall was nn interesting companion : beneficially interesting to those with brains in a normal state, but to rue injuriously interesting, as being too exciting. Twice I had experience of this. When, after an injury received while bathing in a Swiss mountain stream, he was laid up for some time. and. on getting back to England, remained at Folkestone. I went down to spend a few days with him. "Do you believe in matterr" was a question which he propounded just as wo were about to bid one another good night after a day s continuous talking. Ever siyec a nervous breakdown in 155.3 over my second book. talking has told upon me just as much as working, and has had to be kept within narrow limits : so that persistence in this kind of thing was out of the question, and I had to abridge my stay. Once move the like happened when, after the meeting of the British Association at Liverpool, we adjourned to the Lakes. Gossip, which may be carried on without much intellectual tax, formed but a small element in our conversation. There was almost unceasing discussion as we rambled along the shore of Windermere, or walked up to Rydal Mount (leaving our names in the visitors' book), or as we were being rowed along Grasmere, or when climbing Loughrigg on our way back. Tyndall's intellectual vivacity gave me no rest: and after two utterly sleepless nights 1 had to fly.

Herbert Spencer, wc may add, is now 74. A London paper describes him as " a cheery, fresh-coloured old gentleman, fond of his ease, and particularly fond of a game of billiards." Extraordinary coincidences in nomenclature are often noted as occurring in the obituary columns of the London papers. A correspondent of the London Daily Chronicle writes to that paper : Sin. —Have you noticed- that in your obituary for Monday last, January 29, the following names occur —Gibbon, Goldsmith, Johnson", and Reynolds ? The "Johnson," too, is William Cowper Johnson, reminding one of the poet William Cowper and his original publisher. In the same short list, to heighten the literary and artistic flavour, wc have Barry, Fletcher, Knowles. and Mackenzie. Thus aro names, as well as people, sometimes curiously " shovelled together " —to use a phrase of Thomas Carlyfe's. The marvels of modern surgery aro sometimes almost incredible. Here is a remarkable story told by the London Weekly Despatch : An extraordinary operation has been performed in a successful manner at the Royal Free] Hospital. Gray's Inn Road, by Mr Barrow, ono of the chief surgeons of that institution, the breast of a blackbird being used to form a woman's nose under the following circumstances: It appears that Louisa Rollings, aged 27 years, was on October 25 last employed at the Midland Grand Hotel, Euston road, as a housemaid, and by some means was struck in the face by the descending lift, and on being removed to the hospital the surgeons found that the nose had been completely smashed, and she had received other injuries. She progressed satisfactorily, but it was found that the injuries to the nose were of such a character that the nose was of no use, and it was essential that something should be done to provide Rollings with a substitute. After clo>se consideration it was decided that the breast of a blackbird should be substituted. This week Rollings, who had become an out-patient of the institution, was re-ad-mitted. Mr Evans killed a blackbird, and before the bird had become cold its breast was taken out and transferred to the young woman's face, the skin of the nose being drawn neatly over this by Mr Barrow, and since then the young woman has made most sat isfae to ry progress.

Colonial rum, of the "back blocks" variety—the tobacco-doctored sort —has a great reputation as a Sudden Death, but Madeira arrack —white rum —runs it close. Thus Dr Gordon Stables, in the Yorkshire Post . Out in Madeira, reader, in little shanties high up among the grand old hills this terrible white rum is often to bo found in abundance. It is there called aqua ardienle. If a soldier or sailor wants to experience a ten-horse-power headache he has only to drink a few glasses of it in the sunshine. Our fellows used to it 4i fixed bayonets." One marine one night was so wild that I had his head shaved. Next day was Sunda\', and an Admiral's inspection, but I sent my man to duty for all that. The men take off their hats as the captain and of'ricers come round. I think you could h ive knocked our good old Admiral down with a feather when, passing along the thin red line, he came to that shaven-headed bat, There was a moment's pause, then laughter loud and long rang out fore and at't, laughter such as I had never before heard on the deck of a man-of-war. But that man never got drunk again. There is a novelty in the way of punishment which may serve as an idea for the penal clauses of the next New Zealand Liquor Biß.

If Jabez Balfour, of " Liberator " notoriety, ever gets back to England he will rim some risk of being lynched. The popular hatred of the man is something astounding in its intensity. Mr Henry Lucy, writing to the Sydney Morning Herald, says : I doubt whether am- man has ever roused so much bitter personal enmity. His very appearance told against him when his real character became known. The smug, fat. complacent face, with its constant smirk, the ponderous over-fed body, supported upon a pair of weak-kneed legs which seemed always likely to give way under its weight, carried witli them a sense of unctuousness particularly repellant when it became understood how much his religious and philanthropic pretence amounted to. In Croydon, where he was at one time

looked on as a sort "f local providence, the boys in the street would probably stone him if ho showed Ins face. It is said that one of the local tramways winch has been a conspicuous failure was under his benevolent directorship made to cost 20 per cent, per mile more than any other tramway for miles around. In fact." of all the commercial speculations with the promotion of which Mr Jabez Spencer Balfour was connected, only one has, so it is said, remained a success, and this was ono with which he became connected shortly before leaving the country. How far these things aro true we may soon have an opportunity of judging, for'he will have a multitudinous indictment to answer if ho is brought back to this couutry.

A fortnight ago we quoted some samples of English " justice " as understood by the English J.P. But just read the following (from Truth) as to the relative enormity (in the mind of a Recorder) of an outrage on a woman and attacks upon " proput ty":— Leeds Quarter Scs- L cods Quarter sions. Before Mr J. Sessions. Before the E. Barker, Q.C., Re- Recorder. Charles corder. Charles E. Hutchinson.indicted Wood, found guilty for stealing an ovcrof an indecent as- coat and a pair of sault. The Recorder boots. Five years, said it was a shocking thing that in the Elizabeth Harricity of Leeds a re- son, charged with spectable wom a n stealing nine yards could not walk along ofwoolsey. Eighteen a footpath in broad months, daylight without running the risk of being Joseph Dumphy. assaulted by a ruffian charged with steallike the prisoner, ing a rug. Eighteen Ho had used very months, great violence. Six months. And yet the Recorder of Leeds is a high legally-trained functionary ! He may know a lot about law, but he has precious little idea about justice !

The lawyer-politician curse we know full well in New Zealand, but it is far worse in France and Italy. A writer in the Contemporary Review*' discussing the political situation in Italy, says : There is no great man in Italy at the present hour, no man with the magnetism of Garibaldi, or the intellect of D'Azeglio, or even the rough mart-al talent of Victor Emmanuel, and in the absence of these the ,s-?;/. subtle, fox-like lawyers, by whom the country is overrun, come to the front, and add one curse more to lite many curses (the italics are ours —Ed. Mail) already lying on the head of Leopardi's beloved Mater Dolorosa. It is possible that, for want of a man of genius who would be able to gather into ono the scattered forces, and fuse them into irresistible might by that magic which genius alone possesses, the cause of liberty will be once more lost in Italy. If such an one do not appear, the present movement, which is not a revolt but a revolution, will probably be trampled out by armed despotism, and the present terror of the ruling classes of Europe before the bugboar of Anarchy will bo appealed to in justification of the refusal to a ruined people of the reforms and the atonement which they have, with full right, demanded. The Scotch arc often accused of being unduly "canny" (Anglice, stingy), but the Taffies have surely a tendency to the same thing. Here is a clipping from a recent Truth : The following notice has boon circulated in a Welsh parish. It is a novel ">vay of giving a party, but perhaps London hosts and hostesses may welcome it as a new departure in the right direction — Llandiundod National School. A TEA PARTY will be held on Saturday, January 6, in the New Class-room at the School at 8 o'clock. Each perruii to bring ft cup and nuiicer and snmclli tug to eat. Discussion after tea whether there shall be any religious instruction in schools.

Another curious natural history storj r , this time about ants, and quoted by Dr Bowdler Sharp, out of a half-forgotten book of travels by Dr Livingstone (" Narrative of an Exjiedition to the Zambesi ") : We tried to sleep one rainy night in a * native hut, but could not because of attacks by the fighting battalions of a very small species of Formica, not more than one-six-teenth of an inch in length. It soon became obvious that they were under regular discipline, ami even attempting to carry out the skilful plans and stratagem of some eminent loader. Our hands and necks wore the first objects of attack. Large bodies of these little pests were massed in silence round the point to be assaulted. We could hear the sharp, shrill word of command two or three times repeated, though until then wo had not believed in the vocal power of an ant; the instant after we felt the storming hosts over head and neck. The following pretty lines, from the pen of Mrs Molesworth, the clever English lady whose children's stories are so popular, appear in Little Folks for January : '•White Sand and Gkey Sand." White sand, bright and sparkling. Grey sand, soft and fine : Both are good, my masters, Both to sell ai-e mine. Why, how's this ? The Sunshine gleams, White and grey are one, it seems. Summer days of beauty, Winter dull and drear, Hours of toilsome duty, Hours of pleasant cheer. Why, how's this 't They all seem bright, Gilded by Love's golden light! Auckland Observer, referring to the recent infanticide case, and Richmond's (Judge) comments on GJaoler Garvey's action, remarks: — No bill found by the Grand Jury in the i case of Elizabeth Price, the Wellington barmaid charged with infanticide, but they had, strangely enough, overlooked a count

in the indictment charging concealment of birth. And before the omission hail been detected Elizabeth Price had been released -by the gaoler. Upon hearing which Mr Justice Richmond waxed wroth. "We suppose that gaoler in acting as In did coinmi', ted a terrible breach of the rules and regulations made and provided. And yet we fancy the recording angel, in noting the slip, won't put a very black mark against the name of the gaoler.

In a recent issue of the New Zealand Mail Mr Herbert Bridge had a very witty skit upon " Patents that have not been taken out." Curiously enough, in the latest number to hand of Truth, " Marmaduke " works up a similar idea. H> is not half so funny as Mr Bridge, as may be seen by the following example: THE AUTOMATIC PROPOSER. This is a convenient and most admirable contrivance. In these practical days, when time is literally, and not metaphorically, money, we must not waste it with sighing, doubting, longing, and the many other dilatory circumstances of love. Courtship must bo compressed to reduce it to legitimate up-to-late limits. I submit, then, that it should be obligatory for all under the age of forty, and unmarried, to wear my "' Patent Automatic Proposer." This is a small mahogany case, which contains an electric apparatus and bells connected by wires with the heart and wrists. Edwin and Angelina adore each other, but they dare not declare the passion which consumes them. Edwin and Angelina moot ; their pulses quicken ; this acts at once upon the instruments, and starts the bells of both. They then learn that each loves the other, and the tinkling of the "Automatic Pro-poser " is the happy precursor to louder peals from the wedding bells. Poor stuff! But tho Truth writer explains that " the influenza had affected his head.'* And affected it very badly, we should say.

Showers of frogs and of fish have been recorded, and now comes a story of a shower of earthworms. Of course, it took place in America. The " Science Gossipor ' of the London Daily Chronicle says : These animals (earthworms) are sometimes seen in cemented tanks many feet above the earth, and in the case now instanced were found on the surface of an asphalted street in an Ohio town, where not a chink through which they got to tho surface could be found. This phenomenon puzzles the querist. In reality there is little mystery about tho matter. The earthworms, like the frogs and fishes which descend " from the sky," came no doubt by a whirlwind, which licked them up from the ground, or out of some shallow pool. In various parts of the East showers of edible lichens—native of the neighbouring mountains —often cover wide tracks, a fact which has suggested a fall of this sort to have been the Mosaic " mania l ." Possibly the Roman myth of " tho shield which fell from heaven" originated out of an occurrence of this sort. For a cyclone will bear less portable articles than a shield over a broader span than the Canipagni. Some years ago the contents of a threshing-floor at Tetuan, in Morocco, was sucked up and borne across the strait to Gibraltar. The following curious story of gross carelessness by an English marine engineering firm is taken from the Auckland Star, which journal, by the Avay, has evidently " cribbed " it from another paper and omitted to give its authority : There was an eleven-knot boat, belonging to a mighty lino, sent to Middlesbrough to load 3000 tons of iron rails for a port in the East. At Middlesbrough it was found that she had lost one blade of her propeller, and another was there and then titted in its place. This done, she proceeded on her voyage to London, but it was noted that her speed was many knots short of the 11, and that her consumption of coal was far in excess of what it should have been. Arrived in London, her bottom was examined again, when it was found that the new blade to tho propeller had been put in the reverse way, so that while three blades were pushing the vessel ahead, the other was dragging her astern. What took place under water between these contrary acting blades I do not know, but when the fact became known on shore tho language used was of the strongest, and the compliments paid to Middlesbrough are said to have beaten the record.

The St. Bernard dog is not the only canine which has a special regard for the human race, as will be seen by the followlowing clipping' from the Yorkshire Weekly Post: Two touching 1 instances of canine faithfulness are reported from the Oldham district. Last week the body of a pauper was found in a field at Butler Green, Chaddcrton, guarded by a fox terrier. The man had died from exposm-e, and the dog had watched by his body ; and at the last, when discovered, jealously refused to allow its removal. On the following day another pauper was found to have similarly * iccumbt d to the weather—this time near Wrigley Head Bridge, Failsworth. Hero also a faithful workhouse do;? had guarded tl • remains throughout the long night, and was loudly barking to attract attention when the body was discovered. At the last it refused to leave the body of the poor fellow. Anyone who has ever been in Fleetstreet, London, in the neighbourhood of the sporting newspaper offices, will remember the crowd always waiting round those establishments on the day of a great raccand there can be no doubt that in London betting is becoming almost as great and widespreading a curse as drink. The same mania is now, it appears, almost equally noticeable in Paris. The Paris correspondent of the Glasgow Herald remarks : The betting mania rages among the middle and poorer classes in Paris as virulently as in London. The returns of the " Part Mutuel" or sweepstakes on racecourses around the French capital contain some astoundimr figures. Last year the tax of 8 per cent, brought in from suburban centres alone no loss a sum than .£140,000. It

seems that the wealthier class of backers continue to do their business through bookmakers, and. of course, escape all Government control. Among the poorer classes, many do not take the trouble to go to the races, but give their money to touts, who swarm in town notwithstanding polico raids. These agents charge 10 per cent., and. assuming them to be honest and everything to be carried on fairly, the gamblers stake their money with 13 per cent, odds against them. The " Pari Mutual," we may add, for tho benefit of the uninitiated, is tho French synonym for the totalisator. The literal translation is " Mutual Betting."

Poetry is all very well as a pastime, but; as a producer of money and food it is a perilous occupation. A butcher can make money where a ", ballad-monger" can starve. But one of the Loudon unemployed, who is also a poet, has turned tho muse to the practical use of advertisement, as will be seen by the following curious announcement, taken from the advertisement column of the London Times : Don't hide in Life's shadows or search for its scars, But bask in its sunshine and gaze on its stai-s, Drink deep of its pleasure that ripples along, Delight in its music, rejoice in its song. Go —gather Life's harvest of honey and grain, Avoiding its brambles, its folly, and pain. Be deaf to its harshness, be blind to its frown, But claim all its jewels and smiles as your own. Fear not, for Life's future rich blessings will fall. Oh ! pluck its sweet roses that bloom for us all. THE AUTHOR of these linos—a young, single man, tall, respectable, and of tho strictest integrity—WANTS EMPLOYMENT of almost any description.

The " flying machine," like tho discovery of perpetual motion, is commonly put down as a worthless dream of tho " crank " inventor, but a United States legislator, Senator Cockerell, of Missouri, evidently has holies that the aerial machine may yet be found. The Leeds Mercury says -. — Senator Cockerell, of Missouri, has introduced a Bill into Congress to appropriate ,£20,000 of the national funds for the promotion of aerial navigation, " tho sum named to bo given to anyone who shall before January 1, 1890, construct a vessel capablo of navigating the air at a speed of 30 miles an hour, and of carrying passengers and freight to the amount of five tons." The proposition meets with considerable ridicule, and a waggish Senator from Rhode Island proposes to submit as an amendment: ' c Resolved by the Senate and House of Representatives in Congress assembled, that on and after January 1, IS9G, the law of gravitation bo and hereby is abolished. A SONG OF LIFE. Sing thou of Toil! Of Toil that moulds to-day the larger morrow ; Move with stout heart on Life's great battlefield, And wear the motto " Progress " on thy shield ; And that is best is won through toil and sorrow. Sing thou of Toil! Sing thou of Hope .' Of Hope that lights the world to strong endeavour : Height beyond height but loftier summits show, Depth beyond depth reveal a depth below, Choose thou the best. There is no resting over.

Sing thou of Hope !

Sing thou of Truth '. That which alone can stand when all is sifted ; That which humanity in pain and tears Has sought with patient toil through myriad years, Till thou shall see with radiant face uplifted Eternal Truth. E. Evans. The Antipodean.

Some of the English papers have been filling up their cori*espondcnce columns with a discussion as to the longest English word. The following are a few of the best (or worst) specimens .- —" Straightforwardness," " characteristicalities," " disproportionableness." Up to the present the lastmentioned is claimed as the longest English %vord. It is to be found in the Imperial Dictionary. The Mail editor trusts that now these words have turned up they may not be acclimatized in New Zealand, for type is short, and brevity is the soul of wit.

The longest word, by the way, that the Mail editor can remember having seen in print was " Cryptoeonchoidsyhonostomata." It was stuck up all over London some years ago, and was the name of a farce in which Mr Chaides Collette,a well-known comedian, had a very funny part. But of course it may not be accounted a genuine word. If it were, it would be an excellent "find" for the wearied pedagogue in search of an "imposition." To write "crypto"— and the rest of it —200 times would mean no small task for an erring schoolboy. No farce in it for him.