At the Giant’s Causeway.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 999, 24 April 1891, Page 11

At the Giant’s Causeway.

(By Luke Sharp.)

‘ Yes, sor. It’s many a wan av yure countrymin Oi’ve taken over the Causeway, sor' * How do you know what countryman I am V * Trust me for knowing the American accent, sor? ‘ I haven't the American accent. You have it. Go to New York if you don’t believe me.’ ‘ There’s many an Oirishman there, I’m'tould, sor? ‘ More than in Dublin? - ‘Do you tell me thot, sor? "Well, sor, Oi took Gineral Grant himsilf over the Causeway, and a foine mawn he was. An’ Gineral Sheridan, too, sor. Many’s the great mawn Oi’ve taken over the Causeway, sor? ‘ Besides me ?’ ‘Well, sor, you may be the greatest av thim all, sor; fur, as Oive often noticed, them that’s laste like it is sometimes bether than they look, sor? ‘ True. So we won’t pursue that subject any further? ‘ Oi took the Duke av Connaught himsilf down this very road, sor, an’ do you know what he says to me, sor ?’ He says, “ Pat,” says he, “ have you had anything lo ate the day?” “ Saving yer presence,sor,” says Oi, “except a bite at breakfast ” —an’ before the words were out of me mout’, says the Duke to me, says he, “ Sit down wid us,” says he, an’ no sooner said than,

done, and Oi had moy lunch wid the Duke of Connaught. De ye moind thot now V ‘ That was a great honour—for the Duke? *lt was—what’s that sor ? It was a great honour fur me, sor? ‘ Just depends on liow a man looks at it. If you think it was a great honour for you, it was. ‘ An’ Oive taken great professoi’s over the Causeway, sor min that knew more in wan minute, scr, than you and I wud know in all our loives, sor. An’ they’ve tould me that this was the greatest soiglit in the whole wurrold? ‘ Curious how education develops the power of lying? * Loying is it, sor ? Don’t you know that there’s nothing in the whole wurrold loike the Goiant’s Causeway, sor ?’ * What for ? For mud ?’ * The road is a troifle muddy at this toime av the year, sor. It’s not many comes to see it in the winther toime, sor; indade, yure the first wan this week. Tliere’s a power av rain in the nort’ av Oireland in the winther toime, sor? ‘ How much further away is this Causeway ?’ *ls it the Causeway, sor. But a troifle, scr. Ye’ll see it the minute we turn that bit av rock, sor. Sure an’ begorra it’s well worth the walk, for there is no place that is as noted as the Causeway', sor? ‘Yes. They told me about it at Derry. That’s why I came? ‘Do ye mean to say', sor, that ye niver heard av the Goiant’s Causeway till you came to Derry'? Well, sor, Oi’ve taken tins av thousands av people over this ground, sor, and yure the first wan that iver tould me he niver heaixl of the Causeway'. Where were ye brought up, sor?’ ‘ I’m a Belfast man? ‘De ye mane thot ? Troth ! Oi don’t think the professors are the biggest loiers, saving yere prisince, sor? ‘ Where’s you old Causway ? We’re round that rock now? ‘Where’s the Causeway is it, sor? Where should it be but just before yer two eyes ?’ * You don’t mean that foundation, do you ?’ ‘ What foundation, sor V * Looks like as if a building society had started a big stone tabernacle, and went bankrupt when the foundation was laid? ‘ The greatest min in the wurrold, sor, tould me that * ‘ Never mind what the greatest men &aid. Is that the causeway ? That’s what I want settled? ‘ It is sor. ‘ Lets get back? ‘ Back, is it, sor? Troth! ye’r not there yet. Divil a fut will Oi go back till ye’ve seen what you’ve paid for, sor? * All right, I’ll go on—under protest —merely to please y r ou, you know? * I’m afraid ye’r hard to plaze yersilf, sor. It’s wan av the siven wondhers av the wurrold, sor? * That people come hex*e ? It is a wonder, as you say'. ‘l’ll bet they don’t come a second time.

‘ Now, beggin’ ye’r pardon, ye’r wrong there, sor. Not the sikond toime, but the twintieth toime have Oi known educated men to come, sor. And the aftener a man of since sees it, sor, the more wondherful he thinks it. Now, sir, ye’r fat is on the smaller Causeway, and be careful how ye stip, fur i’ts moighty slippery undher fut. There are three Causeways, sor, the great Causeway bein’ in the centhre, and that we’ll come to in a moment, sor? ‘ What is it used for ?’ * The Causeway, is it ?’ ‘Yes? ‘lt’s used for nothing at all, sor? * Then why did they go to all this expense?’ * What expince, sor V ‘ The building of it. ‘Be all the powers, sor, it’s surely not running through your hid that the Goiant’s Causeway was built by the hand av man, sor !’ * How was it built then 1 By contract V ‘ Oi see planly Oi’ll have to begin at the beginning wid you sor. It was built by a mighty convulsion av nathure, sor? ‘ Oh, yes, I remember reading it in the papers at the time. It was the Irish troubles? ‘lt was at the beginning of toime, sor. Professor Gness, av Edinburgh, tould me its origin wa3 volcanic, and that ’ * Oh, you can’t believe what a professor says. Was he there f ‘ Hs was not?

‘ Well, then !’ ‘ If yon, sor, will excuse the liberty Oi’ll take, sor, in recommending you to kape silence fur a few minutes, sor, ye’ll know a good dale more whin ye lave here than ye did whin ye came, sor? ‘All right; go ahead? * These columns, sor, are basaltic? * What’s that ?’ ‘ Ic's a term used by Professor Gneiss. Now, Oi’ll call ye’r attention to the ind av this column. That we call octagon, meaning eight-sided, ns ye can see. And if ye measure the eight sides, sor, ye’ll foind them the same to a hair's breadth? * And yet you say nobody chiselled it ?’ ‘ Oi do, sor? ‘ You evidently think I’ll believe anything. But no matter. Go on, go on? ‘Now, if ye’ll notice, around this octagon are eight ether pillars, forming an octagon group, as we call thim here, sor, all (be columns being equal in size. Now, sor, if ye follow me here, ye will see a septagon column, from the Latin word tnaning siven, and around that there are siven columns. ‘ Is there a sixtogon one ?’ ‘There is not, sor? ‘ It’s a sort of seven by eight CauseWay, then V ‘There, sor, Oi tould ye would slip down, sor. A man broke his leg there once. Are ye hurt, sor ?’ ‘ Not in the least. * Thank the powers for that, sor ? Oi always notice that the quieter a man kapes, the.jnore attention he can pay to his futin’? ‘ And you’re paid to do the talking, : too. I hadn’t thought about that? ‘ Now, sor, ye see from here the great Causeway. Isn’t that a grand soight, sor ?’ * Well, that depends on what you call a ’ ‘Oh ! tare an’ ’owns, sor, ye’ve kilt yersilf entirely this toime. Don’t attempt to roise, sor, until Oi get down to ye. Dear ! dear ! ! Are ye badly hurt, sor? ‘ Groggy, but still in the ring. Say, are my trousers ’ ‘ They are torn a little, sor, Oi regret to say? * Why the Old Harry didn’t you tell me this place was so slippery' ? Do ymi want to break a man’s neck over this Causeway of yours V ‘ Sure, sor, Oi warned ye the very first afgo. Begging y'e’r pardon, sor, if ye’d pay as much attention to ye’r fut as ye do to ye’r tongue ‘Who’s been doing all the talking? Have I opened my mouth since we started? Well, now that we’re down here, what’s there to see?’ *Ye see these columns, sor. They’re the tallest in the Causeway. Ye can see their formation now, sor. They’re all in short lengths of three or four feet, and every joint is a perfect ball and socket wan? * What’s the object of the ball and socket ?’ ‘Ah, who can tell that, sor? ‘ Hadn’t the professor some pet fiction about it ?’ * He did say, sor ’ * I was sure of it? * —lhat it was on account of the uneven cooling of the lava. Now, look at this, sor. This is—be careful, sor. Ye were nearly aff that toime, again. This is the Goiant’s Wishin’ Chair. If ye sit down here ye can have three wishes, sor? ‘ I won’t sit down? * Have ye nothing to wish for, sor ?’ * No. All I wanted was to meet the biggest liar in the world, but I don’t need to wish for that now? ‘ Then you’ve met him, sor. Well, I suppose you like company, sor ?' ‘ Anything else to be seen around here ?’ ‘ Do ye see those basaltic columns on the face of the cliff, so? That’s the Goiants Organ, sor? ‘ Who plays on it ?’ ‘ Well, sor, the storms do. When the wind comes dhriving in from the Atlantic, and the waves lash up the Causeway, they do be sayin’ that whin the timpast is at its hoight all the grand 'tones av an organ can be heard cornin’ from them pipes? * Good enough. That’s worth the money. Here you are. I must be going now to catch my train. Goodbye? ‘ Here’s a very decent man, sor, who sells pictures of the Causeway? ‘ I don’t care for any? * They’re very chape, sor? ‘ I want to forget the Causeway? ‘ Then, good-bye, sor, an’ thank ye sor? * Good-bye, 1

(The guide to the picture-seller) : ‘ De ye see thot mon sprawlin’ over the Causeway ? Well, thot’s the domdest fule I iver took over these racks. Oi wouldn’t take thot mon over the causeway agin fur all the money in the North of Oireland. Do ye moind thot now.