EN PASSANT.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 992, 6 March 1891, Page 18

EN PASSANT.

The French people have a saying to the effect that every private in the army carries a Marshal’s baton in his knapsack. In like manner there is no man in New Zealand who has not a right to aspire to the highest political position in the Colony. The stepping stone to such a position is of course the House of Representatives, and when once a seat in that Assembly has been gained there is no knowing how high one may be able to reach. Nor, judging from the last election, does the first step cost so much as is proverbially supposed. The primary requisite is plenty of self-assurance (vulgarly known as “cheek”), and the next thing is to get hold of a popular cry that will “ tickle the ears of the groundlings ” —for it is these same “ groundlings ” that rale the roost in these advanced days. The whole affair seemed so easy that I must confess I had serious thoughts of trying the game myself, especially after last session, when it was shown that members were paid the princely sum of

LI 50 for live days’ work, or close on LII,OOO a year. During the past week, however, my political aspirations, pure and unsullied as they were, have received a fatal blow. It happened thuswise. I was passing down Lambton Quay when my attention was attracted to a sheet purporting to contain portraits of the new Ministry. There was the Premier looking as if he had just had an interview with a ghost ; there was the Hon J. G. Ward, who bore a startling resemblance to Napoleon 111. with his moustaches clipped ; there was the Minister of Education evidently just emerging from a London fog; and in fact the only portrait that even a distant resemblance to.the original was that of the Hon Mr Seddon. My mind was made up. A new terror had been added to political life, which not even the prospect of a possible LII,OOO per annum would induce me to risk. Hence it is that whatever assistance I may give towards the Colony’s progress will be by means of the pen, as the fear that I might become a Minister of the Crown,, and have my portrait done by “ process,” and publicly exhibited has destroyed all ambition to write M.H.3J. after my name. Some years ago, as my readers will doubtless remember, there was published an amusing little book bearing the eccentric title of “ English as she is Spoke.” Sitting in the Resident Magistrate’s Court the other day, the idea occurred to me that a companion volume might be compiled from the curious answers that are frequently given by witnesses, aud a good name for such a work would be “ Evidence as she is Gave.” There would certainly be no lack of material, as witness a few items that I managed to gather in the course of an hour or two. For example, one young man was asked how many persons were present on a particular occasion, and calmly replied, ‘ ‘ There were three or four more females besides my self,” which involves a very delicate question of sex that is not easy to solve at immediate notice. Later on, in another case, a witness was questioned as to whether he had committed certain damage to a house, and answered, “ I am certain that I’m the one that didn’t break the window,” a confusion of ideas that would puzzle the most learned grammarian. The examples of the eccentricities of witnesses given in the previous note may be and no doubt are only the result of a person being placed in an unaccustomed position, and therefore not unnaturally confused. On the other hand, it is by no means uncommon to find men, who are to all appearances fairly intelligent, totally unable to understand what a question is. This, for instance, is a dialogue that is typical of what gees on every day in our Courts : Magistrate : Do you wish to ask the witness any questions 1 Defendant : Yes, I do, your TV orship. I wish to ask him this, your Honor. When I was walking down the street I met a man and he told me, &c., &c., &c. And when the Magistrate stops him in the middle of a loDg story, totally irrelevant to the case, he assumes an air of injured innocence, and i 3 probably quite sincere in his belief that he has been unfairly treated by the “ beak,” and that justice has been denied to him. Considering the quantity of litigation that goes on in this Colony, I think it would not perhaps be inadvisable to make law court procedure a compulsory subject in our public schools, as the most primitive knowledge of this kind would save both the magistrates and the lawyers a great quantity of time and temper.

I read in a London paper the other day that the Savage Club was in difficulties, and that the balance-sheet for the year showed a deficit of some L6GOO. In my literary “sallet days” the idea that this Club could be behind in its finances to such a large amount would have been BimpJy incredible. It was originally founded by a small band of Bohemians, who met together in a little room in a tavern adjoining the Lyceum Theatre once a week for the purpose of enjoyiDg a convivial dinner, for which the mild sum of half-a-crown was subscribed. Even this small amount was not always forthcoming, but that was a matter of little moment, for in those days the lightness of the journalist’s pocket was only equalled by the generosity of his heart. Later on, however, the Savage Club attracted the attention of Royalty, and its fate, as a literary and artistic institution, was sealed. The annual dinners were no longer free - and - easy Bohemian gatherings where the merry quip and jest passed round, but evening dress was insisted on, and. the usual Philistine formalities were strictly observed. Under these circumstances I cannot say that the death of the Club is to be regretted, unless it be that it shows that the good fellowship that formerly existed among literary men and artists is virtually dead. I may have something more to say on the subject next week, but as my editor has restricted my notes within a limited space I am compelled to put a curb on my pen. Egomet.