QUIPS AND CRANKS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 870, 2 November 1888, Page 7

QUIPS AND CRANKS.

‘ It’s a shame and disgrace that everybody should conspire to rob a rich man !' ‘ What do you mean ?’ ‘ Well, you see, I had a little party at my mansion last night.’ ‘So I read in the papers.’ ‘And, to amuse my guests, I ordered eome music.’ Yes, I heard you had a quartet.’ ‘ I did order a quartet, and four singera crowded into the room and insisted on singing. I had to pay all four of them; and, mind you, 1 only asked for a single quartet ! That's the way I’m swindled every day of my life; and I’m tired of it!’ Jock Sonttar, who belonged to the south country, had courted Jenny Patience for over seven years, and still ‘ spak nae a word to her aboot wedlock.’ One gloaming Jenny chanced to be somewhat late in reaching their tryating place, and on arriving, half breathless, was greeted by h'er impatient lover in anything but a pleasant tone of voice with, ‘What’s come owre ye? Dae yo ken ye’ve kept me waitin’ mair nor half an ’oor ?’ ‘ Weel, I conldna help it,’ she softly replied ; then, after a pause, she said, smiling— * Look at the time ye’ve kept me waiting ! an' am shair ye never heard me least compleenin’.’ When George the Fourth went to Ireland, one of the ‘ pisintry, ’ delighted with his affability to the crowd on landing, said to the toll-keeper as the king passed through, ‘ Oob, now ? an’ His Majesty, God bless him, never paid the turnpike, an’ how’s that' ? ‘Oh, kings never does; we lets ’em go free,’ was the answer. * Then there’s the dirty money for ye,’ says Pat; ‘it shall never be said that the king came here, and found nobody to pay the turnpike for him.’ Tom Moore, on his visit to Abbotsford, told this story to

Sir Walter Scott, when they were comparing notes as to the two royal visits. ‘ Now, Moore,’ replied Scott, ‘ there ye have just the advantage of qs ; there was no want of enthusiasm hero ; the Scotch folk would have done anything in the world for His Majesty, except pay the turnpike.'