QUIPS AND CRANKS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 772, 17 December 1886, Page 6

QUIPS AND CRANKS.

A TEMPERANCE LECTURE. An Eastern paper publishes the following novel temperance lecture. The advice given in the last line is frequently followed, but it is to be feared that many do not * dash down ’ in the right direction : You have read of the suffering, the want, the sin, and the vile pollution that lurks herein ; of the genius. offered upon its goal, and the ruin of many a splendid soul ; of the crimes committed without a name by this lurid demon, to end in shame. How oft the feet of some wayward lass <> , it has led to the verge of Hell, alas ! If you wish to wear a God-like crown, be true to y o u r s e 1 f And dash it down. —Chicago Tribune. A down-town druggist has a parrot which lie has taught to say, ‘ What a pretty girl!’ whenever a woman, young or old, enters his store, and they do say that a poor, weak man can hardly get into the store to buy a cigar on a fine afternoon. —Philadelphia Call. „ . . .. Mrs Maloney was drunk and noisy m the ■court-room, and his honor told an officer to take her below and shut her up. ‘ Faix, yer anner,’ said Mahoney, who heard the Judge, ‘you’d better lock her up, for the divil himself couldn't shut her up.’—Lowell Citizen. . ‘ Turks never drink intoxicating liquor, never abuse animals, are polite to woman and invariably kind to children.* The efforts of missionaries to civilise and Christianise the Turk seem to have been a failure. —Norristown Herald. _ Some visitors went into a store in Portland, Maine, kept by a German woman, and called for whisky. She said she could not sell any, and then whispered to one of them : ‘ Ven you vants fisliy, you must call for vine, audt pinch mit one eye. —N. x. Saloon Journal. ‘I see,’ said Stubbs, ‘that Dr. Michael Foster tells the British Association that smoking tobacco produces defective vision ; do you "believe it V ‘ Oh, lam sure of it replied Mrs S., ‘ for I saw your friend Butts last evening puffing away, utterly blind to -the fact that there were several ladies in the room.’ —Boston Transcript. They can’t help telling those war stories, as witness this: ‘A rebel gunboat opened -np with canister on a body of Union soldiers, and the boys were becoming rather shaky, when a big fellow shouted i Stick to ’em boys ! Their ammunition’s out, and they’re shooting dinner-pails at us.” *