QUIPS AND CRANKS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 765, 29 October 1886, Page 6

QUIPS AND CRANKS.

-RITFALLS' IN 'A. LION/S CAREEj^ , ’ By *tha ? bye,- old man, the. Duchess- of O'neekboro' ribasT asked, mo bother ,ifancy baltbcl wish,ryoald. recoipmepd, m^ilV/OOSitiirhef,i‘/' *• v-ysin in ' bsrfee * Has she asked your wife ’’ ’? ci cd?- wv —’VNsJbo.d'l gwepj I icd .; ils .poo old ‘ -' ■•?:Does she khow you’re .martled-t’.g off-mm ,icMY-£UypsV o-'-’C ,ti* ,soo * tera* io bop Oif* Ahd'yet/youkc going.-fc ,h-nh s-i* oioU- /' j Well— / ii - :: •’ i off) hr- sdoqa ;' ni Then let me recommend you one oUher Grace’s liveries—-it' will suit you /-/Lohdote'Punch. ’rJd m at fnap «

hted 7?-4? /mp tteAUTim'-i* Oi cr«|od '■ Auctibheer/— ‘ We. have gentlemen, a most superb 'm’arihe.vieWV J'" ■VA ssistatet Jin. adlaud tvliisper) ‘ HBld‘ on ; it’s a pictipfe o.f j.sheqi)/ ’ ; 5 - ‘J*™ 'TJ'/ j; Auctioneer— ‘ As I'was 'gentlemen, we ?have 'here - a picture lof a most superb merino. . What am I offered-bn : ' 1.-V/A , CAT,AJ£ITIESi ;, N : f Irdb-kpow T have more troiible/thari any "woman? qn/earth:’ /Oil, pp; my/dear, fd.oP’t say’ tbat;’*/answ|r ed. Benedict,' ,np,t/ ; Pibvlng his. ey.es-frofh/his , paper... .‘ I do s say. it 1’ she replied more stoutly./ ‘ There’s ho calamity could befall a woman which I have riot suffered.’.- /‘. Oh, no, my dear ; hot so bad as that/,/ Fqr/in'^tatice/. . You ate not,a widow,/ he answered.(Sweetly! , /She' held her breath two seconds, and/theh retorted—and it made the Sentinel man laugh the next hohr to hear the shot : T said ‘ calamity,’ sir !

, ‘ Journalism .is the • grave .of ~ genius// said young' Downes (who' is- to.be ‘a nev/spaper man) ’ i»'- his,,bighl-y .'.finished -essay/ upop graduating froth. ah lowa-' cpllege jhe other day/./But/Dowhes/is unhappy iP his sitni'le. J-ournalism i is- not a.grave it is/p.hly.a/sieyC ovef/a well,, and - all the little. geniuses -'soQEi fall/ through....- Only'the very//big , ones main on top.--.Bbiladelplija News.,’. ..." '/- • ■'.Schoolmaster :/ ‘‘What persons ' was the CourJ, of / Star .. Chamber composed .of Scholar //‘ Of Lords spiritual: and; temporal.' Schoolmaster : ‘ What is the /difference ;be / Scholar/: -.‘ Lords.'spiritual- were those who drank/spirits,. a'n'd/lqrdsJetPpPtal'were; those who did pbtjdrihk at all."/ - : .‘, tily, asks .her t jmbther/::,.‘ What do; you; liKe best,- good d.r.eahisor .pad ones ?’ ‘ Good dfeanis/ 'of bbutee.,'. And' ‘ybu O,“I” liko b ad’d re am s best, ’’>‘'W hy; ./‘ Becausewhbn I Jiave good dreains I find' when I wakejip tKat/thby are' hoi true,- and that annoys hie.;, white,.when] livhave./bad . wheA l they te.re /not trueJHfJ French Fun:/ V./ „• l 'A'"'little- girl recently; Went; tb/yisit her gfahdfather in/ the couiitty,' Shh is fond; of milk v but firmly, .refused Jo' .drink any;while thete,"without'giving any reasons. When;, she returned she was asked, ‘ Youhad riice ; niilk'dihefe"tb‘drink,.didn’t/.you ?’ " r ‘T guess rteidnJ'drink any .of that niilk,’ she in-: dignantly replied. .‘ Do you /know/ where grahdpa gbt it ?'T saw him squeeze it out of an.old.cow !/ . ?■'>!•/,/