QUIPS AND CRANKS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 762, 8 October 1886, Page 6

QUIPS AND CRANKS.

WILLING TO TURN HSR COAT.

A Western Michigan woohbuyer who was circulating among 'farmers to engage their clips met with one who was inclined to look upon the matter as a kind of gambling affair. . ‘You agree to buy my wool for so tpuch, a month in advance, of shearing,’ said he. * How do you know that wool won’t go up or down ? The price may be too much or not enough. It looks like flying in the face of Providence.’ After a long argument he agreed to leave it to his wife, and -she replied : ‘ Look a-here, Samuel, I’m just as good a Baptist as you are, and if there is anything in our religion which says we shan’t take 28 cents a pound for our wool when we didn’t expect above 25, we’ll accept the offer on the wool and flop over to the Methodists.’ HE LAUGHS BEST WHO LAUGHS LAST. An old colored man went into the gallery of the New York Exchange the other day, and when the bulls and bears on the floor caught sight of him they forthwith arranged an impromptu performance of the most approved style for his especial benefit. A squad of them sang negro melodies in hilarious time and tune,and one accomplished broker stepped forward and did a double shuffle that would have been creditable to a professional on the minstrel boards. The boys thought the old darkey was done for, bus they changed their minds presently. After the dance was finished he deliberately arose, thrust his fingers into his vest pocket, and, drawing forth a nickel, tossed it to the dancer with a grin and courtly bow. The roar that broke from the spectators shook the building, and the would-be fuuny fellows found themselves decidedly short on the practical joke business. A lady was singing the other week at a charity concert, and the audience insisted upon hearing her song a second time. -Her daughter, a little child, was present, and, on being asked afterwards how her mamma had sung, replied, ‘ Very badly, for they made her do it all over again.’ Robie, a Border character, carrying a chair and a kailpot on his head, was met by an acquaintance one morning. ‘ What are ye after the day, Robie ?’ ‘ Oh, I’m flittin’ !’ ‘ What are you flittin’ for ?’ ‘ Oh, to be near ma work.’ ‘ Where are ye workin’ ?’ ‘ Oh, I ha’ena gotten a job yet.’ A descendant of the Marquis of Montrose being taunted by a Campbell for the long ancestor’s head was stuck upon the Tolbooth at Edinburgh, * Montrose,’ said he, « W as too good a soldier to quit his post till he was relieved,’ alluding to the Marquis of Argyll s head having been placed m its stead, after the Restoration. White (rushing in)--‘ls Brown here?’ Green —‘No.’ White—‘Has he been here any time within the last hour?’ Green ‘No.’ White—‘Confound him! He said he would meet me here at five o clock, and here it is 5.30. If you see him now, tell him I got tired of waiting aroundvhere for him, and went off, Tell him I’ve no patience with men who don’t keep their appointments.’ ‘ Contra Coranam Dominae Reginae. Some difficulty was experienced at the Regina trials in making the Indian prisoners understand the legal terms in which their offences were set forth. For instance, no term could be found to convey to the untutored mind the idea of the Queen’s crown, which he was charged with conspiring against. This was explained to One Arrow as being ‘ the Great Mother’s big bonnet with feathers in it.’— Montreal Legal News.