Rounds THE Corners

New Zealand Mail, Issue 756, 27 August 1886, Page 17

Rounds THE Corners

Mr Vaile has propounded a railway management scheme. I may be excused for not explaining the details here. They are too too utterly utter. The Times writer seems to understand ’em. Railways apparently are bread and butter to him. Can’t say Ido quite apprehend the whole of it; and lam sure the general public doesn’t. Poor Mr Vaile, how could he expect such an effort on the part of the general public intelligence. At the same time I have waded into the business, plunged into it waist deep, and have come to the conclusion that Mr Vaile is just a century before his time. In the course of another hundred years the population of New Zealand may be 2,000,000 if the present system of extravagent expenditure is checked a little, and then a trial of Mr Vaile’s plans might be ventured upon. The chances, however, are that no Ministry will ever dare to initiate crucial economy until outside capitalists decline to lend any more money, by which time the Colony will be on the verge of bankruptcy. Then a serious revolution will possibly take place, during which all departments will undergo violent purging, and a few persona thatl know of, titled and other, will, in all likelihood, be hung without benefit of clergy. By that time, of course, there will be many more titled people than at present. After the revolution, which we may be sure will be urgent in the extreme tbe Colony will turn over a new leaf. A good many big estates will have reverted to the State; land tenure will be altogether better regulated, and population will rapidly increase. And when it numbers millions Mr Vaile’. documents, which have been pigeon-holed all the while, will be brought out and put to the tentative process. I have not much hopes of their suggestions; don’t think the Colony could by any effort bring forth a genius fated to revolutionize the whole world’s railway system. However, lam only a poor old devil on crutches, and may be all abroad. Mean* while those who live longest will see most.

I have heard such a good thing from a neighboring Colony where, as here, Civil Service management is a dreadful thorn in the side of legislators. A howl was raised for economy, and a bright genius belonging to one department, whose position stood in very little danger from the proposed change, formulated an idea to do everything by contract. The proposal was hailed as a happy thought by the quidnuncs who detected nothing but failure in it. But to the horrification of them all it proved an astounding success. Fellows on contract wired in and worked like the very old scratch, earning as much as £8 and £lO per week, to the delight of their before halfstarved belongings at home. Never had the work been done so expeditiously and cheaply But it didn’t suit the drones; “twasnt for Joseph. Oh, dear no 1” What, rob us of our beer and bread and butter? Give the service over to a few cormorants and monopolists ? Never! And a horrid report was sent in of the failure of the attempt, the unfortunate proposer died of slow poisoning, and things in general reverted to,* their original A.B.C. A long neglected and pampered Civil Service becomes indeed a thorn in the side.

Talking of slow poisoning gives one a nasty creepy sensation. Once the practice is successfully introduced it becomes terribly epidemic. No telling where ’twill stop; no man’s life is safe, or woman’s either, for that matter, albeit the records of the past tell us that women were by far the greater adepts at it. How the creatures did dispose of husbands and lovers, and fell to their meals afterwards with the greatest gusto. Well, thank goodness, it has never made progress with Anglo-Saxons ; we are too downright for that kind of work, and, whenever the attempt is made, the instinct of the people crushes it ruthlessly. May it ever be so.

Prince Alexander of Bulgaria deposed ! and in such a funny way, too. Two Ministers pulled strings, and the puppet hipped off its perch. That’s about it, me boys. Nary, murmer, nary protestation from the amiable potentate ! Accommodating but dictatorial Minister, the final syllable of whose name was “ off,” politely opened the door and the Prince meekly retired. And then the people fell on their knees and prayed to the God Czar. What an exhibition all through. An obedient Minister*, a puppet Prince, dogs of subjects. And at the back of all, peering out of a fir thicket, the Russian bear with uplifted paw. Bet a pair of old boots they are all in the swim, Prince Alick with the rest. They are all more or less “Slavish,” and the white Czar is their tutelar deity.

She was a very good cook and a very goodlooking woman, but she was touchy, or to use a familiar expression of an acquaintance of mine, “ niffy.” And it so happened that she

obtained a nice place, just the sort of thing she wanted, and she thereupon entered upon her duties. And there were children in the house who, children-like, wanted to make the acquaintance of the new cook. And they ventured to the kitchen door. “ There she is,” said one. “Is that her,” said another. “ Why fihe has a pug nose.” And the cook heard them, but replied not; still the iron had entered her soul. The meat was in the oven, the vegetables forward, the pudding was bobbing in the saucepan. ’Twas her first dinner in the new place, but the snub was too, too severe. Quietly she turned away from all her soul held so dear, marched upstairs, put on her bonnet, and what-d’ye-call-’ems, and departed from that house, leaving the dinner to finish cooking itself. This, sympathetic reader, is an o’er true story. Let us drep a eilent tear over the burnt roast and soddened vegetables, not forgetting the pug nose.

That was a straight, manly- letter in the Mail last week about the Customhouse proceedings at Pitt Island, and if the allegations contained in it are true —about which I have no means of knowing, as the place is out of my beat —the Government, and all concerned in the paltry transaction, ought to be thoroughly Ashamed of themselves. A remittal of the fine is the very least that could be asked for in the •way of reparation, and the tendering of a handsome apology to boot.

It is satisfactory to perceive that the authorities are on the alert to give effect to the Fisheries Act. If the finer sorts of our fish are to be saved from extermination, that clause of the Act which deals with offering under-sized fish for sale must be rigidly enforced. I grieve to say that ruthlessness and gross selfishness are among the repulsive characteristics of some fishermen. Nothing but the free application of the law will keep them in order.

“These be hard words indeed” that a writer in a leading London society paper addresses indirectly to the eldest hope of the Heir-Ap-parent. A screw loose somewhere or there is •wilful and corrupt misrepresentation. Read, my friends, and judge for yourselves : I am afraid that Professor Ihne of Heidelberg, who was entrusted with the education of Prince Albert Victor, did not receive the “extra twopence” which, according to the old story, has to bo paid for -teaching “manners.” In this respect the young gentleman is reported to be somewhat deficient. He is said to give himself many airs, and the guttural cry of “ Wbe-r-r-e can I have my cigar-r-r-rette 2” is heard as often from the filial as from the paternal -lips. On a recent occasion, at a dejeuner given in connection with some function at the Infant Orphan Asylum at Wanstead, cigarettes were lighted by the young Prince and his companion. Lord Brooke, before the ladies had left the table ; and while one of the oldest and most influential patron was speaking, the young gentleman talked so loudly that Lord Brooke had to give him a hint to be quiet. This is very bad form at any time, and particularly unwise form just .at present. Further on the same writer remarks : It is a pity that Prince Albert Victor does not indulge in a few lessons in deportment and dancing. His partners complain terribly of torn gowns and trodden toes, and in Ireland his reputation for general clumsiness is supreme. And the Prince still lives ! !

We are still hideously unready in case of a' war. And does anyone mean to say that • one—and a big one to boot—will be much longer staved off. The demon of unrest possesses the nations of Europe. Peace is simply tolerated, and all the while each is straining every nerve to gain something in advance of the other that will prove an advantage when the supreme moment arrives. Like trained gladiators, France and Germany watch each other, and, on the other side, Russia lowers over all, and would control all, moving stealthily with that object ever in view. And the wretched people, mostly barbarous, are helpless to avert those national antagonisms that have again and again converted Europe into a huge slaughter yard, and retarded, pitifully retarded, the progress of humanity. Radical readjustments are looming in the not very distant future, and Russia will be a prime factor in the argument. She will strike to cripple and her blows will fall in the least protected parts. And is not New Zealand one of those parts ? What do all our measures of defence, so far, amount to ? Could armed cruisers, bent on levy ing tribute be kept out of either of the principal ports. The way in to them is no secret St is blazoned forth on charts and in sailing directions, with which Russia is well supplied we may be sure. And a determined descent on New Zealand means what ? Why, Colonial bankruptcy, and the defrauding the English creditor of the interest on his invested capital. And we owe that creditor between seventy and eighty millions sterling, I think. A successful Russian descent on our shores would absorb a lot of that. It would be a severe blow to the Old Country. Our debt to her amounts to

about one twelvtli of the total of her national indebtedness. She couldn’t afford to lose that w.~without a severe twinge; just the kind of twinge * an antagonist bent on weakening would desire to . excite. And all the while we are jogging along quite unconcernedly, instead of bestirring ourselves to convert the country from north to South, into a condition equivalent to that of an armed camp. When shall we have a government that will introduce a measure to Parliament making drill under arms in the

public schools compulsory, and encouraging by every wise means, familiarity on the part ot k t y ie people with that trusty weapon, the rifle ; not old-fashioned weapons, but arms of the newest, the most improved, pattern. At this end of the world every colonist should be a fighting man, and torpedo practice of periodical occurrence; for torpedos are fated to take equal honors with big guns, if they do not supersede them altogether, in constal and port defence. Certain it is we want defending, for the Colony cannot afford to pay tribute to anybody but the British creditor, and even in liis case there are some Colonial skunks who flare to whisper that detestable word “repudiate.” If they, and such as they, were handed over as perpetual hostages to Russia, or auy other out-of-the-way corner of the universe —no one would cry much. Asmodeus.