QUIPS AND CRANKS.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 691, 29 May 1885, Page 6

QUIPS AND CRANKS.

HE HEARD ENOUGH. Sam Peterby, a merchant, from the interior, while attending the Mardi Gras festivities at Galveston, united business with pleasure by purchasing a bill of goods from a prominent firm. He was very politely received, and one of the proprietors showed him over the immense store. On reaching the fourth floor the customer perceived a speaking-tube on the wall, the first thing of the kind he had ever seen. * What is that ?’ he asked. * Oh ! that is a speaking-tube ; it is a great convenience. We can converse with the clerks on the first floor without the trouble of going down stairs.’ * Can they hear what you say through that ?’. asked the visitor. * Certainly; and they can reply at the came time.’ «You don’t say so !’ exclaimed the visitor. * May I talk through it ?’ ‘ Certainly,’ was the reply. The visitor put his mouth to the tube and asked : ‘ Are Sam Peterby’s goods packed up yet?’ The people in the office must have supposed it was somebody else speaking,' for a moment later the distinct reply came back : *No; we have not packed them yet. We are waiting' for a telegram from his town. We believe he is a slippery cuss.’—Texas Siftings. A Teasing Subject.—Fresh Clerk—That first I showed you, mum, was seventy-five, this is sixty-five, this is fifty, an’ this 13 forty-five. Tea Purchaser —All good teas, I suppose’ Fresh Clerk—Yes’m, all came out o’ the same chest. Proprietor—He means they chest came, mum. Said the good-natured Rev. Dr. Robinson, as he stood looking over the new books one day, * I see you have Schem’s “ Statistics of the World.” Have you 44 Ham’s Travels in the Deluge?’’’ ‘No/ responded the bookseller, * but we can accommodate you with •* Japhet in Search of a Father.” ’—Christian Intelligencer. ‘lt is as plain as the nose on your face, and there’s no excuse for your overlooking it/ exclaimed a husband whose wife had forgotten to reduce the size of a button-hole in his ehirfc-collar. ‘But, deary, how can I help overlooking the nose on my face ?’ was the patient and placating answer that set him wild.— Pittsburg Chronicle. ‘Yes/ said Mr Dinks, a self-important little man who had just married a very big •woman, ‘I think every household should have a set of rules.’ ‘Oh, yes, of course/ assented Mrs D., with a queer look in her eyes. ‘Well, then/ continued Mr D., not noticing the glance : * I will at once prepare a set which will be observed hereafter.’ ‘Oh, don’t trouble yourself/ replied his spouse, stiffening her upper lip ; ‘ rules for the government of this house already exist.’ * Indeed ? What are they V ‘ The Marquis of Queensberry rules/ Mr D. changed the subject. A story from London states that to spare extra expenses, a wedding partj r consisting of six persons drove to the church in one cab, five inside and one on the box. After the ceremony was over, the clergyman began -fco address a few appropriate words to the newly-married couple. While _he was speaking the bridegroom made hfe way to the clerk and said : ‘ I say, I wish you’d ask your guv’nor to cut it short, as we’ve hired the cab by the hour.’