Intelligent Vagrant.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 245, 29 July 1876, Page 13

Intelligent Vagrant.

Quis scit an adjiciant hodiernse crastina siimmse Tempora Di Superi.—Horace. On the afternoon of Monday last a gentleman was announcing a public meeting, and attracting attention to his announcement by ringing a bell. The gentlemen who spoke at the meeting subsequently, would scarcely have been satisfied, however, if they had heard the exact manner in which the object of the meeting was described. It was announced as " a meeting to perpetrate the memory of Dr. Featherston." The bellman was not the only person, however, who got confused in his language this week. Mr. Manders, M.H.R., was addressing the House on the subject of the central penal establishment at Taranaki, and, becoming annoyed at the derisive laughter of Mr. Stout, got astray in what is usually his elegant diction. Consequently once, when he intended to speak of " the criminal classes," he said "my criminal colleagues." I got quite alarmed on Wednesday evening. Happening to be in the company of a gentleman belonging to the theatrical profession, he -was suddenly taken aside by an excited person, who, in stage whisper, said to him, " I want to borrow a dagger for the Hon. Mr. Waterhouse to go to the fancy dress ball with." At first it struck me that the Hon. Mr. Waterhouse must have limited ideas on the question of costume, but then I began to fear that he contemplated sinister designs, more especially when I remembered that, on the authority of Mr. O'Rorke, Sir Julius Vogel carries a dagger of perfidy concealed somewhere about his person. The liquors at Bellamy's are undeniable in quality, and are a great boon to those entitled to use them, in consequence of their purity. But I was not aware until lately that a grateful country not only helped to provide them for members, but permitted their sale in bottles to gentlemen in the civil service stopping at hotels and not satisfied with the quality of the liquors procured at those hotels. Of course, the health of a civil servant is a paramount consideration, but, at the same time, if I were a landlord I should not care about competition of this kind. A singular case has engaged the energies of honorable members. It was a case of a disputed bet, and was brought before an informal committee, who, having taken evidence, reported through their chairman as follows : This is a claim by Blank Blank, Esq., M.H.R., against Dash Dash, Esq., M.H.R., arising out of a bet made upon the results of the last election. It appears that the parties met at the Shamrock Hotel, Dunedin, shortly after the last session of the General Assembly. The hour was somewhat late, and the supply of whisky and water was, one might say, unlimited. One of the consequences was a bet made between the parties as to how many new members would be returned at the general election. The plaintiff bet that over 40new men would be returned, and backed his opinion for a pound. The defendant accepted the bet and joined issue. "From the inquiry which I have made it appears to me that the consumption of hot grog must have been immense. Neither party appears to have the smallest recollection of what took place, but the bet is fully endorsed by a memorandum made in a note-book, the property of the plaintiff Blank Blank, by a gentleman who happened to be present at the time, and who, contrary to the general custom of Dunedin, was sober at the advanced hour when the bet was made. It would have been open for either party to have pleaded non compos mentis to avoid the contract, but as neither (doubtless for good reasons) chose to set up this plea I do not feel warranted in acting upon the point. The first point to settle is what is a new member ? It was argued for the defen-

dant Dash that members like Mr. Moorhouse | who, although they had not been members of the last Parliament, had previously been mem- I bers of the House, were not to be regarded as new members. After very careful consideration, and consultation of the highest authorities, viz., Bunny on Port and Starboard, Pyke on Paripassu, Rees on Novus Homo, Wakefield's advice to young members, Mander's Habits of Parliamentary Society, Stout's nice points of Law and Order, Reynolds' advice to mothers of Members of Parliament, Murray on Brevity of Speech, Swanson on Parliamentary plainspeaking, Fitzherbert on carpenters's wages, Tole on Pykes, Pyke on Tolls, Read's Golden Arguments for Voters, Woolcock on Bores, and Button on Button-holing, and a host of other authorities ;] I have come to the conclusion that the defendant's contention is bad, and that a "new member" for the purposes of this bet means a member who was not a member of the last Parliament. I did not feel justified in asking the new members themselves, as I feard that if they once, got under weigh there might be some difficulty in giving judgment this session. Since writing the foregoing, I have had the opportunity of consulting Brown's (J. E.) Yankee Notions, Brown (J. O.) on Stout, Carrhagton on the Heathen Chinee, Stafford on the Direction of Wind, as indicated by Straws, and Moorhouse on Swamps and Moorhens ; and I see no reason to alter my mind, although I must confess I have been somewhat shaken by the arguments adduced by Hodgkinson in his enquiry into the specific difference between the Welsh Rabbit and the Rabbit of Southland. I therefore give judgment for the plaintiff Blank, there being forty - four new members in the House. On the question ©f costs, I may say that I have been somewhat exercised. The_ case is the not uncommon one of a trial of a right —a principle is sought to be established —and neither gentleman cares a rap aboutthe £1 in dispute. I was in hopes that I might have been able to make the costs equal to the amount in dispute ; but upon reflection lam satisfied that there are limits ; and that 10s. 6d. will fairly represent the costs in the case. The Bay of Plenty Times, in a spirit of true journalistic enterprise, some time ago took to copying paragraphs that had appeared in this column, without going through the formality of acknowledging the same. Being gently remonstrated with by me, the Bay of Plenty Times kindly gave up copying anything that I might write, and though this necessarily deprived me of several million extra readers, I was not unhappy. But the Bay of Plenty Times has determined that in some way or other it should have a reflection of such poor powers as I possess. It has now got a contributor who, stealing my nom de plume, signs himself an " Intelligent Vagrant." I suppose I have no right to protest against the unintentional compliment thus paid me, yet as the nom deplume, as Touchstone says, is " an ill-favored thing, sir, but mine own," I really think I might be left in possession of it. If the writer in the Bay l of Plenty Times has not wit enough to find a name for himself, he can scarcely expect to find wit by which to make his writings attractive, and from a perusal of those writings,! am inclined to think that I am right in this assumption.