Odds and Ends.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 245, 20 May 1876, Page 3

Odds and Ends.

Cent-imjsntalism—Butting a penny in the contribution box.

Sentimental bank robber—“ With all thy vaults I love thee still.”

We don’t see Morton’s rag-baby in the list of children killed by the tornado in Indiana. It is terrible to love somebody and see her washing windows for another man, says the Detroit Free Press.

There is a man in New Hampshire who sends fourteen of his children to the same school. The rest are too small to go. A Danbury man had a bag of oats last week, which he calls the seamless, as they won’t have to be sown. Some one stole them. —Danbury Nevjs. Boston Post : It is understood' that explorers in Palestine have failed to find any trace of a mortgage upon the temple which Solomon built to the Lord. W hat is the difference between a misled person, a wolf, and the Bishop of Orleans ? One is a dupe, the second a loup, and the third a Dupanloup. A. T. Stewart has followed his costly purchase of Meissonier’s “ 1807 ” by buying Gerome’s new picture, “A Homan Chariot Race,” for $30,000. HAiR-splitting piety—The Jersey City barbers have resolved to stop hair-cutting on Sundays, but will continue to shave their customers as usual.—Vicksburg Herald. A father wants to know, “What will keep a respectable but poor young man from hanging round the front of the house ? ” Tell him his girl is sitting on the back fence.

The physician who learned next day that the medicines he prescribed had not been taken and that the patient was improved, upbraided the latter as “ unworthy of being an invalid." -

Minnesota doesn’t think she’ll run short of grasshoppers next year. There are on hand there several thousand millions of eggs beyond those needed for actual consumption.

A local debating society is preparing to wrestle with the following question : “ Resolved, That a man who plays on an accordion and keeps a barking dog can’t be a Christian. ”

“Don’t you think,” said a husband in a mild form of rebuke to his wife, “that women are possessed of the devil ?” “ Yes, ’ was the answer, “ as soon as they are married.”

A youno man much enamored of a witty young lady attempted to put his arm about her waist, when she remarked, quickly : “Don’t you do it; there’s a pinback there.” Of course there was.

Von Bulow said that he worshipped only in the temple of the great masters, and could not accede to a request to play Hog-Eye Hear an Angel Sing, even though he was in Cincinnati. Chicago Times, “She must be crazy to try to sing that,” was remarked of an avenue belle at the piano at a party the other night, “ A.li, you don’t believe that cracked belles make music, then ?” was the response. —Rochester Express. There is said to be a young lady in Texas named Kitty Fewclothes. Miss Kitty must either put ’on more garments, except at balls and parties, or change her name. Calico now ranges from 4 to 0 cents a yard. A Manchester Fifth Ward Democratic politician speaketh :“ Ah, this is gloriously awful about Belknap ? By the way, I see we have Patrick O’Hone only five times on the list—put him down once more.”— Boston Journal.

Out in the Black Hills gold region, when you buy a bowl of bean soup, you take off your coat, dive for a bean, and when you come up with it the proprietor of the saloon takes it away from you, and says you only paid for soup. When elected President Washington was 57 ; John Adams was 62 ; Jefferson, 54 ; Madison, 60 ; Monroe 59 : John Quincy- Adams, 5S ; Jackson, 61 ; Van Buren, 54: Harrison, 67; Taylor, 64; Polk, 49; Pierce, 48 ; Buchanan, 65 ; Lincoln, 51 ; Grant, 46. The leap year rhyme is in everybody’s mouth in the Western States: Mother may I go out to pop ? Yes, my darling daughter ; If you fail this year you must shut up shop ; You’ve kept longer than you’d orter.

If men are the salt of the earth, women are the sugar. Salt is a necessity, sugar a luxury. Vicious men are the saltpetre ; hard, stern men the rock salt; nice family men the table salt. Old maids are the brown sugar ; good-natured matrons the loaf sugar ; pretty girls the fine pulverized white sugar. Pass the sugar, please. A logical conclusion : The end of an able argument. —When detectives find a criminal they generally give him arrest. —In a crowded thoroughfare it is difficult to keep from drifting against the tied.—Our confectioners show great enterprise when they sell new maple sugar before the sugar season commences. H. O. Republican.

The colored Christians of Augusta, Ga., have a religious ceremony which they call “ Marching out of Egypt.” The worshipers meet about 9 in the evening, and, amid solemn chanting, march around in a circle hour after hour. Those who hold out until daybreak are considered the chosen ones, destined for heaven ; but those who fall by the wayside are not in a state of grace. It is in the historic records of the noble village of Sedgetown, in Lincolnshire, that the vicar always preached the same sermon, and they desired a change. It was of no use to remonstrate with him, for lie invariably replied that when they had done all he had told them in that discourse he would give them another. At last a deputation waited on the bishop, and laid the matter before him. They had heard the same sermon, they said, every Sunday morning for ten years, and were tired of it. His Lordship owned that a little variety might fairly be insisted upon, after so long a season of monotony, and asked what was the subject of this ever-recurring sermon. “Subject?” repeated the first parishioner. “ Let me see. It is about —what is it about, Higgins?” “Well,” said the second parishioner,” “I don’t mind exactly what it was about.” “ What was the text ?” asked the bishop. None of them. could tell him the text. “Why, then," said the bishop, “I hardly know how to frame my remonstrance. Suppose you go and hear it once more !” A young gentleman lately entered the shop of a Glasgow confectioner, and, standing at the counter, with considerable gusto discussed a pretty large tart. He tendered the good woman in charge a shilling to pay for his repast, which she had to take to a neighboring shop to obtain change. Left alone with the viands, he found his appetite return, and he proceeded to help himself to some small, neatly-twisted and enticing-looking ginger snaps, which lay convenient. He had demolished twelve of these, each only being a bite, when the shop-mistress returned. The youngster pointed to the salver by way of inquiring what was the damage, and was rather surprised at the exclamation, “ Guid save ye ! ye ha’ena. eaten ony o’the snaps ? ” “Just twal’ o’ them,” said the youth; “what for no?” “What for no! Because they’re medicine for bairns. Ilka ane is a dose for a wean ; it has twa grains o’ jalap an a grain o’ calomel in’t. Ye’ve got plieesic for yince, I’m thinking.” It was enough. How much he paid, or whether he paid at all, and how he spent the afternoon, is not known ; but the next day he was seen walking perturbedly through the streets, pale, lean, and sorrowful —a warning and a spectacle.