WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE SAYING

New Zealand Herald, Volume 78, Issue 24135, 29 November 1941, Page 16

WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE SAYING

T)ONT tell your friencls about your Indigestion: "How are .you!" is a Greeting, not a Question. —Arthur Guiterman, in "A Poet's Proverbs" CDutton). Service A LUXURIOUS private yacht recently turned over to the government was so hurriedly required that the Jvavy put a crew outboard having much chance to inspect the ship. When the captain adjourned to his quarters, formerly those of the yacht's owner, he noticed a set of buttons at the head of his bed and pushed one experimentally. The wall at his right swung open and a full-blown bar appeared at his bedside. —The ]Sew lorker. The Editor, Dear Sir QURELY it would greatly encourage Romance And enhance Moonless nights if old barrage balloons Were softly illuminated like so many moons After the war. Tho' not before. —Punch, London. The Lowdown rpESTS by the Princeton psychology department now show that men understand women better than the fair sex understands men. In only two periods of life does a male's judgment falter —around the ages of thirteen and fourteen and when lie is in college. Also, the psychologists report, the older women get," the unsounder their judgment of men. O'Hara. (McXaught Syndicate.) Drum Fire r FHE Berlin radio's English broad- ■*- cast announced yesterday, V9 ur troops blew up an enemy musician dump. —Sunday Times, London.

A YOUNG ACTRESS had redecorated her New York apartment in ultramodern style. She was showing it one day to Ethel Barrymore. "Do tell me how you like it." she said proudly. "How wonderful," the great aetxesa exclaimed, "to bo young enough t© have the stamina to live with it-!" —Mona. Gardner. An Eye for Trouble 'THE English tell a story about a reluctant conscript asked by the army oculist to read a chart, "What charts" asked the draftee. "Just sit down in tliat chair and I'll show you." "What chair?" asked the man. Deferred because of bad eyesight, the draftee went to a near by movie. When the lights came on, he was horrified to discover the oculist in the next seat. "Excuse me," said the conscript as calmly as he could, "does this bus go to Shipley i _^ e wsweek, U.S.A. Bad Start "TTROM the doubtful way my husband 1 said 'I will' I was suspicious from the start of our chances of a happy marriage." —Woman 1 at a London Court. —Evening News, London. "Late Arrival" Club F'S an honour to belong to the Late Arrival Club, which was started not long ago in the Middle East. You can't become a member just by paying a subscription and being passed by a committee. Before you can wear its badge, a little boot with metal wings, vou°have not onlv to belong to one of the Allied Air Forces operating out there, but vou have to have returned on' foot from a machine which has either crashed or had to make a forced landing. There are about forty members m the Western Desert. —London Calling.

—London Opinion A COPENHAGEN newspaper seller, art elderly woman, has been arrested and fined for shouting out: "Thirty-five German bombers over London; 47 back safely." It : s not fair. Goebbels says much the same thing and gets away with it. —Answers, London. Roman Satire A N American who has just arrived in England from Lisbon tells me a joke of the real pasquinade type which is now circulating in Rome. It forecasts the progress of the war as follows: "In 1943 the Axis will occupy the continent of Africa, in 1944 it will occupy the continent of Asia, and in 1946 it will occupy the island of Malta." —Peterborough, in The Daily Telegraph. Rakeoff r PHE death of the secretary of the 1 Anti-Bribery League reminds us of a sweet crack administered to the Baconians some time ago by_ a chap who had incurred their hostility by alleging that Slogger Bacon was in the habit of taking bribes. Instantly attacked by furious Baconians for slandering their idol, this chap replied, gentlv as a dove: "We do not, of course, know that Bacon actually took bribes; we only know he said hp did." A nice point, we thought, and moreover a lesson to modern grafters in the big money, who generally display a virginal coyness about these things. —D. C. Wyndham Lewis, London. Don't Stop Us. . . rPWO thoroughly inebriated men were driving like mad in an automobile. "Shay," one fumbled his words, "be sure to turn out for that bridge that's coming down the road toward us." "What do you mean, me turn out? the other retorted. "I thought you was drivinV' • ,

** A' FASCIST paper invites the United States to survey the Italian colonies in Africa and see how well they are run. This offer should be accepted promptly, because the supply is running low." - „ , New Yorker, Isew York. "One Sock a Day" A GREAT-GRANDMOTHER, Mrs Cannock, Staffordshire, has knitted 159 pairs of socks, eight scarves and six vests for the troops. Her motto is "one sock a day." —Evening News, London. Bright Young Things ACCORDING to a novelist, the average girl to-day is much cleverer than her mother. This is a poor outlook for modern bachelors when one reflects that the average mother is much too clever for father. —Parade, London. No Quislings A HOUSEWIFE, impatiently awaiting her turn in an Edinburgh greengrocer's shop turned to her neighbour and said. "I do hate a queue, don't you?" "Yes, I do," came the retort; "let's form a V." I —Public Opinion, London.