WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE SAYING

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXVIII, Issue 24009, 5 July 1941, Page 16

WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE SAYING

TTERR VON RIBBENTROP is reported to have signed six treaties and agreements in less than a week. This of course allows for breakages. —Punch. London. Give Till You're Bald r |\HE patriotic German man and woman will cut off his or hor hair and give it to the Nationalist Socialist State. These loyal contributions will relieve us of purchasing carpeting and frit abroad. —Leipziger Neueste Xachrichten, Germany. Figuratively Speaking XTEAIU) in the Village Surgery: "I've come to see you, doctor, about what I'm afraid is a duodecimal ulcer." —Manchester Guardian. Salmon Master pOLONI-'-L A. G. TAYLOR, of Chipchase Castle, is known as one of the best salmon fishermen in Scotland. He holds the Tweed record of .'52 salmon in a single day—a matter of 12 hours or so fishing. —The Daily Telegraph. London.

"WHAT has become of that watch * ' you used to carry—it had such a handsome gold case Now you have one with a brass case." "Yes, you know circumstances alter cases." —Pathfinder. Curing Chewers TH'PILS caught chewing gum in a *• school at Memphis, Tennessee, must stay after closing time, chew gum rapidly for half an hour, add a new stick every five minutes, and top it off with a mouthful of gum of the type that swells as it is chewed. —Evening News, London. Offering "IF it's popular," said the eminent Spanish critic. Menendez Pelavo, in 1876 or thereabouts, "it isn't good, and if it's good it isn't popular" —a somewhat cagey remark—which floated into our memory when we switched on by mistake the other night and found some IJ.H.C. tenor getting a whole programme of standard drawing-room ballads off his larynx, amid terrific applause. —D. B. Wyndham Lewis, London. Treat TVISIIIXG to give his Scotch steward ' * a treat a. man invited him to London, and on the night after his arrival took him to an hotel to dine. During the early part of the dinner the steward was noticed to help himself very liberally to the champagne, glass after glass of the wine disappearing. Still he seemed very downhearted and morose. Presently lie was heard to remark: "Well, i hope they'll no be very long wi' the whisky, as I dinna get on verra weel wi' these mineral waters." —Sporting and Dramatic News, London Evidence "IyHAT evidence have you that the 'prisoner was intoxicated?'' "When asked for his name, your worship, he called for a mirror and said, 'Yes, that's me.' " —Daily Express, London. "Left-over" A WEDDING cake in Chicago A measured five feet long and weighed 4001b. that's a cako you can eat and have, too. • —Greensboro (Ga.) Herald-Journal.

'THE word "please" costs Americans more than a million dollars a year in telegraph tolls. Seems like a lot of money but undoubtedly it is well invested. —Portland, Oregonian. Spinning It Out " r THE man who wants to marry should make a little money first," says a social worker. Afterwards his wife has to make a little money last. —Answers, London. Sunk "pAN 1 see Mrs. Green?" inquired A caller—Mrs. Droop. "Not now," the maid replied, "she's in The middle of her soup." • —Punch, London On Balls and Operas TF by their names we things should call. It surely would be properer, To term a singing piece a bawl, A dancing piece a hopperer! —Parade, London.

CT7COESS in marriage is much more k than finding the right person; it is a matter of being the right person. —Forward. "We Want the Duce!" MEW proof that, in spite of everything, Mussolini is still popular in Italy seemed forthcoming recently. During a Fascist demonstration group of delegates kept on shouting vociferously "We want the Duce!" Much pleased, Mussolini asked who they were. He was told "The Italian Corporation of Undertakers. '* —Answers, London. Black Cat TN a south coast village. Mr. Percy Leliiot is looking at his bombdamaged house. A cat walks up to him, purring. It is black. And he murmurs, "Well, you haven't brought us much luck." The cat is unoffended; shows great affection, and Mr. Leliiot strokes him. Black comes off the cat and reveals the ginger of his own pet—asleep by the fire when the bomb came down. —Daily Express, London. Malta Also an Island J AM able to remove in a slight degree the secrecy which veiled the last meeting between Hitler and Mussolini. Hitler was rating his Italian ally for not taking Malta. Mussolini remained silent and distrait. Suddenly he broke in, "Malta. Malta, surely that's an island., too." —Peterborough, in The Daily Telegraph. London. Clipped Words * JJHANDY was first clipped from brandy wine in 1657. Cad was first clipped from caddie (French cadet), in 1827. Chap was first clipped from chapman in 1577. Chum was first clipped from Chainberfellow in 1720. Drawing-room was first clipped from witlidrawing-room in 1642. —The Golden Book.