CURRENT HUMOUR

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXVII, Issue 23839, 14 December 1940, Page 8 (Supplement)

CURRENT HUMOUR

The fact that the Ark Royal has not been sunk again recently seems to indicate that there has been considerable improvement in the German filing system. A radio critic points out that a home-made condenser, costing only sixpence, will make an effective silencer for a noisy wireless-set. So will a sledge-hammer or even a hatchet. EXPLAINED "I wonder," said the visitor to the Devil's Dyke, near Brighton, "how that gigantic hollow really came to be made." "Very many years ago," said his friend, "a Scotsman dropped a sixpence down a rabbithole here." 810 NEWS A London newspaper seller had three home-made posters. They read: "Man Knocked Down in Chancery Lane," "Chancery Lane Man Knocked Down," "Man Hurt Chancery Lane Accident." "What's the importance of that affair?" asked a passer-by. "Importance?" said the seller. "Why, the man was me." PHANTOM As the second sponged the badlybattered features of the would-be world champion, he murmured in tones of disgust: "It's all right, Bill. We've sent for a private detective." "What do 1 want a detective for?" asked the fighter. "He'll help you find the chap you've been trying' to hit during the last five rounds. '

An actor in his reminiscences says that on one occasion he felt that the gallery patrons were drinking in every word he uttered. This is known as the lap of the gods "Have you ever heard an American football team's full-throated chant 'Wall Wall'?" asks a correspondent. No. Although we have occasionally been amused by the reverse from Hamburg. A London militiaman's mother writing in a daily paper says that since her son has been in camp his cheeks have grown much rounder. Apparently he is a bugler. PRACTICE FEE "Joan says she thinks she could learn to love me," said Potter. "Well, you don't look very happy about it," put in Clark. "It's going to be jolly expensive." said Potter, unhappily. "I took her to the theatre last night and a little supper afterwards. The first lesson cost me thirty shillings."

HIS PLACE An ambitious young man heard of the death of the junior partner of a big firm. Being full of self-confidence, he hurried to the offices of the firm, whose senior partner was a friend of his father's. "How about my taking your partner's place?" he asked. "Excellent!" said the senior partner. "If you can fix things with the undertaker."