WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE SAYING

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXVII, Issue 23827, 30 November 1940, Page 2 (Supplement)

WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE SAYING

Swell Idea AXEMO to week-end motorists who ' think it would be a swell idea to get an early start so as to get ahead of the rest or the crowd: Anyone at all nstute'll Never try .a thing so futile. —AI Graham, in the Saturday Evening Post, Philadelphia. Beating the Nazi Censor \ CHELSEA man had a letter the other day from his son, a prisoner in Germany. The letter dwelt enthusiastically on conditions in Nazi Germany. "Wo get the best food I have ever eaten," it said. "The camp guards are all extremely decent anil intelligent" — and so on. Puzzled, the father read on. The letter ended, "Tell all niv friends how well I am being treated. Tell my pals in the Army. Tell them in the Navy. Above all, tell it to the Marines." The plodding German censor passed it, —William Hickey, in the Daily Express, London Asking For It \ FLIGHT-LTEUTEN ANT vouches for the authenticity of this incident: — A Nazi bomber dropped six bombs in a line down the middle of an east coast field. Machine-gunners shot it down. The four prisoners, all uninjured, were paraded before the O.C. One who spoke English said, "Congratulations on shooting us down. Very good show." "Thank you "And now, may we have some biscuits and a cup of tea?" "On the contrary, you're going to work like hell. To pass the time till you're taken away, you can start filling in the holes you've just made in our field. Here's your shovel." —William Hickey, in the Daily Express, London Bomnambulist A NEW word has been coined by the Blitzkrieg. It is bomnambulist—a Eerson who on the detonation of a omb in the vicinity gets up and walks about the room or shelter. —The Daily Telegraph, Londoil.

"Hangover" Breakfast A RESTAUIIANT in Fortieth Street, Cleveland, Ohio, advertises a special "hangover breakfast," consisting of "One jumbo orange juice, coffee, toast, two aspirins and our sympathy, 50 cents." —Tho New York Times.

Curiosity WE understand that the small field in the Eastern Counties, in which no German 'piano has yet crashed, is to be thrown open shortly to sightseers in aid of the Spitfire fund. —Punch, London. Hamm "VTEWISH crack, inspired by R.A.F.'s almost daily bombing of Haimu, German railway centre: —• "Heard about Hamm?" "What about it?" "It halmost hain't!" —The Daily Express, London. First Things First TT was a full .five minutes since the wail of the sirens had given their warning, but the church congregation was still engaged in its devotions. "Why haven't you told them?" The question was addressed to the churchwarden standing outside the building, who was indeed posted there for that very purpose. "Well, you see, the bishop's preaching this morning, and _ besides —we haven't taken the collection yet!" i —The Manchester Guardian. Joe's Ties WHEN Private Joe Peters, R.A.0.C., •'* was Mr. Peters, a shoemaker, of East Tilbury, one of his bobbies was collecting most colourful ties. Now, having no further use for them, Joe had them sent to the town where he is stationed and raffled 79 for the local Spitfire Fund. They fetched £5 lis. —Daily Mail, London. Some Joke 'TO find a humorist in a raid is an adventure, but to meet three! A bomb had destroyed a bijj; London oflice, and severely damaged the one opposite, and this was the commissionaire's story, as told to the Manchester Guardian: — "Yes, L was there, standing outside the door, talking u> three policemen. When we heard the whistle of the bomb we all made a bolt for the door, and we got stuck" in it and couldn't get through. When the bomb burst the blast blew us all through the door. One of the cops had his helmet blown off. Laugh. We must have laughed about it for an hour." "I thought I should have died!" would itself have been a fairly creditable joke in the circumstances. —The Observer, London.

The Voice of the Sirens r PHE strange conditions of night life in one "Midland town" where, though bombs have been comparatively rare, the call of the siren has been regular and punctual, must have entered into the soul of the schoolboy (authentic) whose paraphrase of the message to Brutus, "Speak, strike, redress!" ("Julius Caesar," ii.,_ 1) was: Say something, strike a light, get your clothes on again!" —The Manchester Guardian. "Quite a Respectable Phrase" XVTHEN wc wish to describe the worthle.ssuess of an article, we say we would not give a farthing for it. for the farthing is our conception of "next to nothing." The phrase. "I wouldn't give a dam," originated in the same way, for the dam was a tiny coin of litle value once used in India. Now the smallest coin in that country is the pie, valued at about one-twelfth of a penny. —Tit-Bits, London. She Brought Her Music QUE was a miller's daughter, She lived beside the mill; There were otters in the water, But she was 'otter still. (Collapse of the squire, who thought the curate's wife was going to sing "Because.") —Beachcomber, in the Daily Express, London. A Third Refusal

GOME WHERE in the north-west nn enemy bomb fell close to the cottage of an old lady who lived by herself. The bomb did not explode, and the A.I?.F. wardens went to tell her she must leave the cottage. "Oh aye," she said. "Will you toll me why?" "Hitler's dropped a time bomb outside your doorway." replied a wag among the wardens. "It may go off any minute and blow you up." "Well look you here," said the old dame. "I've refused to leave this house for t'landlord; I've refused to leave for t'bailiffs; and I'll be hanged if I'll leave it for Hitler." —Luclo. In the Manchester Guardian.

Upside Down WHEREAS in days gone by ' ' We looked up to the sky For our salvation, Now we go down below Where Ave once thought to go For our damnation. —Punch, London

Waiting for the All-clear

AN A.It.P. stretcher party had to go to a row of big houses in a London suburb where a bomb had fallen. One of the members climbed the stairs of the house that had been cut in two. On the second floor lie found an old gentleman in bed in the remaining half of the room. Seeing that be was not injured, the A.R.P. man asked him to dress and go downstairs. To this the "victim" replied in rather military tones, "Be d —d, sir. I'm stopping here until the all-clear. He stayed. —The Daily Telegraph, London. Hush! Hush! A NEW version of tlie Keep It Dark letter: — Dear Mother, — J have arrived somewhere Sometime soon 1 am leaving ior somewhere else. Keep this well tinder your hat. Yoiir loving son. One precaution he forgot. He did not use invisible ink. —Star Man's Diary, London.

The Old Order. Changeth "TTELLO, sewing a button on your jacket?" "No, this is my wife's jacket. She's getting ready to go on duty." —Evening News, London.

Note from the Old Lady hear of an old lady sending a ' pair of hand-knitted socks for the troops who tucked in tho toes a little note "which said (very charmingly, we think): May you never step into temptation in these socks. —Children's Newspaper. London. Sin of Omission T'HERE are several distinct things girls dislike about men, But most is their characteristic tendency to remark, "I hope I'll see you again"— Without saving when. —Beulali Frances Holland, in tho Saturday Evening Post, Philadelphia.