WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXVII, Issue 23791, 19 October 1940, Page 2 (Supplement)

WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE

Nothing to Bite On VER HEA It D on the bus: "That was a very short air raid the other night, wasn't it?" "Yes —hardly worth putting my teeth in for."' —Lucio. in tbo Manchester Guardian. Latest Score J^T EWSP AP.ER sellers who chalk up the "latest score" of Nazi raiders brought down have a word for it. They call it Blitzcricket. —The Evening Standard, London. The Onion Test TF straws show which way the wind blows, so may vegetables. The elder daughter of the household has recently taken a special interest in a young soldier, and the mother nnd a closo friend were discussing the matter, forgetful of tbo presence of a much younger sister. During a pause in the talk a small voice was heard: "Yes, nnd Mary won't eat onions now, and we have such a lot " —Tho Manchester Guardian. Painful Cure

YVTHKN a -woman drove up to a hos- ** pital at Newton, Kansas, recently and unloaded her husband, she told the doctor that her husband had a ' couple too mnnv drinks." He interfered with her driving, she said, hit liiin on the head a few times with her boots. That was why lie needed hospital repairs. — The York Times. Muzzle "SPHERE, I told yer not to let young - L Alf carry the sangwiches—'e's bin 'elpin' 'isself." "Cor! Well, next time the gang comes on a picnic the kid wot carries the grub wears 'is gas mask!"

" This is MY id«?a for the old Home Guard tie . . . sky blue with descending parachutists." —The Evening News, London. Solving Domestic Problems IT is unusual to find a husband and wife with the same habits of sleeping, the same ideas about reading in bed, the number of blankets, tlio temperature of the room and what sort of meals to have. These matters can be adjusted only if both have groat politeness, a sense of humour, and the ability to make difficult sacrifices.

—Andro Maurols, In "The Art of Living" (English Universities Press).

Proverb Revised QIVE a motorist an inch and he'll try to park in it. —Saturday Evening Post, Philadelphia. Goering Titled r FHE over-weight henchman of the Nazi heads, known in the streets of London as Uncle Herman, was given another delightful title the other day by Mr. J. IS. Priestley, who referred to him in a broadcast as "the starspangled thug."' Another commentator, Mr. A. G. Maedonell, topped this off by talking of "the same gentleman, in the same gay uniform and the same constellation of self-awarded medals." —Daventr.v Broadcast. The Window and the Mirror day a rich but miserly Chassid fa learned man) came to a Rabbi. The good man lod him to the window. "Look out, there," he said, "and tell me what you see." "People," answered the rich man. The Rabbi led him to the opposite wall of tho room, before a mirror. "And what do you see now?" "[ see myself." "Yes," nodded the Rabbi, "in tho window there is glass and in the mirror there is glass. But the glass of the mirror is covered with a little silver — and no sooner is a little silver added than you cease to regard others, and see only yourself." —S. lAnsky, in Tho Clifton Tray. The Politician changed, and he always change His principles abundantly to meet them. | He had a taste for words, which wasn't strange, Seeing how frequently ho had to eat them. —Richard Usborne. in tho Saturday Evening Post. Salute

A GALLANT sergeant was walking down the street when a recruit approached him from tho opposite direction. As ho got within three paces of the three-striper ho gave n most regimental salute.

Sergeant: "What made you salute meP I'm not an officer." Recruit: "No. I know you're not; but anything will do to prncti.se on." —Parailo, London.

Third Choice Lucky

'THE train liad just loft a coastal town which had been bombed the previous day. A passenger., haying methodically disposed of her considerable impedimenta, settled herself comfortably in the corner with her R.A.F. knitting. "Well," she exclaimed to anyone who cared to listen, "when 1 hoard them coming I knew it was Heaven, or Hell, or Harrogate for me, and Harrogate has it."

—Lucio, in the Manchester Guardian

Return of the Bow

■ROWS and arrows are being sold in increasing quantities, according to one of the gossip-boys, to R.A.F. sportsmen in areas where tho use of gunpowder on rabbits is forbidden, and also to chaps who think this weapon would be useful against enemy parachutists, as it undoubtedly would. Those dreary nitwits who deem everything medieval a fancy-dress joke should watch the performance a modern expert can give with the Spanish yew long-bow and tho steel-tipped arrow—a terrifying missile, lethal up to LSO yards and more effective at pointblank range, they say, than a bullet. The proper manipulation of the longbow, moreover, demands a certain amount of physical strength, and the bowmen of Agincourt and Crccy were obviously pretty tough numbers to be able to keep up that drumfire which defeated the French. —D. B. "Wyndham Lewis, in The Bystander, London. Idyll r PJIEY walked in the lane together, The sky was covered with stars, They reached the gate in silence, He lifted down the bars, She neither smiled nor thanked him Because she knew not how; For ho was a boy on tho farm And she was a Jersey cow. —Boys' Life. In Clover V T the ripe age of twenty-nine years, a cow owned by Miss Idah Van Housen t of Bath, New York State, United States of America, is guaranteed security. Miss Van Ilousen announced that in her will she had provided that, if the cow outlives her, her executors must find the animal a home and give her "tho same care she had received on my farm." —Parade. London.