CURRENT HUMOUR

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXVII, Issue 23618, 30 March 1940, Page 11 (Supplement)

CURRENT HUMOUR

A reviewer says lie likes a novel that flows swiftly. Oddly enough, it's not so difficult to wade through. "The man in uniform is once again the idol of France," states a writer. All the nice Gauls love a soldier. A dentist is the leading comedian of an amateur dramatic society. We understand that he tries out new gags on his patients Newcomers to the Navy have shown surprise at the loudness of sailors for knitting. But why? They've always known how to cast off. An astronomer says that the world as it is to-dav will last for 19.000.000 years. So don t store flags and hunting for peace celebrations in a too inaccessible part of the attic. Taxi-drivers, we are told, often nse lotions to preserve their hands from getting roughened by constant driving. Some of them, however, are perfectly content so long as their palms are greased after each journey. OOOL RECEPTION George had been late getting home the previous night. "Was the wife annoved?" asked Bill. "Annoyed! I'll say." said George. "Sho left a note: 'Slippers in the refrigerator.' "

LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT Husband: "This is a remarkable book. It proves Itow marvel lons, how stupendous is Nature. Whenever I read something like this I realise how lowly and insignificant man is." Wife: "A woman doesn't have to wade through four hundred pages to learn that." TROUBLE IN STORE At a concert, an old man was Riven the job of collecting tickets at the door. After a time he sought out the secrctarv. "I think there is going; to-be trouble for you," lie whispered, mysteriously. '"Why, what's the matter?" "Bigamy, no less," was the ticketcollector's awed reply. "I've let in two women who said they were the secretary's wife, and now there's a third wanting to come in."

Two acrobats were married recently. Head over heels in love, of course. An American comedian has written a comic epitaph for his tombstone. However, the joke is not on him yet. A gossip-writer mentions that in a restaurant the other evening he rail into two of the most popular figures in the legal world. Six and eightP

ALREADY STARTED "Do you think our boy will leave footprints on the sands of time?" ' He'd leave em anywhere. Just look out in the hall." HE FELT LIKE IT Customer: "I'd like to see something cheap in a felt hat." Assistant (under notice): "Certainly, sir. Try this one 011. The mirror is on the left." STEPPING ON IT Ren looked grimly at the signpost at the gates. Then he hitched his trousers, spat 011 his hands, took hold of bis whip with a firm grip, and spoke to his bullock-tea 111: "Mind you, 1 don't think we can do it. but we'll have a good try." The sign lie was looking at read: "Speed 20 m.p.li."

A retired doctor has started a duck farm. He doesn't regard what the birds say as any reflection on his former professional status. " Immediately tho enemy approaches." says a military writer, "a barrage is raised." This reminds a correspondent that tho instant his wife catches him dropping ash on the carpet, the balloon goes up.

BEYOND QUESTION "T)irl your husband go to that club dinner you told me about?" asked the woman in the green hat. "Oh, yes, he went all right," replied the lady in sable-dyed coney. "And did ho make his speech?" "Ho must have done. He came home speechless." SOLD The visitor rushed into the travel agency. Visitor: "I have just come back from St. Moritz and it's all a swindle." Agent: "How is that?" Visitor: "Well, you see that placard von liavo hanging 011 the wall? it s a lie." Agent: "Impossible." Visitor. "It is! Why, there isn t a pretty girl like that in the whole place I"