WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXVI, Issue 23405, 22 July 1939, Page 13 (Supplement)

WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING

English WILL you please explain it to me Why in "debt" you should use silent "B?" , I cannot as yebt the hang of it gebt; In fact I'm completely at seal You say that the ocean is blue, Is a warship, then, manned by a Doyou'gi™ a receipt to the man in If-rU'i-. tho streipt ? U puzzles me all the day thrue. if a man dies you say he is dead; 1 a But a book, not the colour, is read.. Still, I think that's enough of this • terrible stougli. ■ Good'buy, sir it's past tuyme for b6ad ' -John O'London's Weekly. Golf Pros. . , I; THE last barrier between amateur and professional golfers has been removed. For the first time in its long history ,the Royal and Ancient club has thrown open its doors to the AJU professionals from all parts of the world competing in the Open Championship at. St. Andrews. #; The decision is a belated recognition of the vast changes that have taken pi act in recent years in the status or professional golfers. One of them, Henry Cotton, is earning £5,000 a year. Bobby Locke, the South African youth, and Lawson Little, who is a graduate of Stanford University, California, are both making about £3.000 a year. • ' As there is no class distinction. m America, one can imagine the surprise of Bobby Jones on the occasion when he was inforined that his friend, a professional golfer, could not enter the ;R. and A. clubhouse. "Is that sor 1 said "Jones, and turnihg on their heel they walked away arm in arm. i ■ —The Daily Telegraph, London.

• ; An Old Storg CONNY was doing his homework and had got stuck. Father: "Well, what is the problemt Read it out." . , Sonnv: "A woman received one pound 'from her husband as housekeeping money. This was not sufficient, so she asked her husband —" Father: "That's., . not arithmetic—that's ancient history." —Dagehs Nyhcter. Wodehouse : : rp.HE'announcement that Mr. P. G. - 1 - Wodehouse is to receive the degree of Hon., D.Litt. at the Encaenia will, be welcomed by a-host of admirers. For he is perliaps the only English writer who is appreciated equally by Labjnet Ministers, learned professors, and school bo vs. It is a fitting honour tor one who has recently been described ■by Mr. Hilaire Belloc as the best WTiter of English now living. Mr. Wodehouse is now a rare visitor to England. At Le Touquet, where he has lived for some years, his time is fully occupied with his work, which he takes verv seriously, and his dogs, to which he is devoted. Walking, golf, and a \-isit to the casino are his regular relaxations. Tall and strongly built, Mr. Wodehouse sieeros blessed with perpetual youth Fifty-eight years have left httle mark on him beyond a handsome baldness that" suits his genial but somewhat diffident personality. His last novel, which he "is now- turning into a play, was as fresh and as brilliant as anything he has written since 1902. One honour is already his—the O.J}. It was self-bestowed when ho published his first Omnibus Book. . —Atticus in The Sunday Times. London. Misquotations ; IHAVE often thought that there shoiild be some association or league wliose duty it would be to guard, poets against misquotation. As the work or such a league would not be sufficiently onerous to justify the uso of an office thev might undertake some other similar duty as well, such as the prevention of the desecration of graves; but, however rarely they might be called upon, there is ' an undoubted need for some such organisation. 1 will not quote from any experience of my own, as I should, not like it to be thought that I was suggesting the formation of a public body in order tc protect myself, especially as live writers can do a little to look after themselves, whereas there aro lines of dead poets which have been made the sport °l printers to such an extent that they have never survived it. —Lord Dnnsany. Clean Fighting "EVERYBODY is glad to have the understanding between ourselves 5 and Turkey. It is all the more wel- " come because during the Great War " the Turks earned the reputation of * being fighters of fair'repute. Tho story is remembered that ■ they were about - to shell an ammunition dump when ' thev discovered a casualty clearing • ' station, close by, and fj;avG _ notice of - their intentions and, asked that it should bo moved into safety. , * Tho Children's Newspaper, London,

"Was it you who saved my husband from drowning?" - ( "Yes, madam." "Then where's his hat?" —Answerß. London. How to Keep Cool TTOT, sticky, humid weather tends to make us irritable and unreasonable. At such a time we blame our misfortunes on others, argue about trifles and find fault with everything. Hot weather hints: Eat little. Masticate food to a cream. Don't drink iced .water. Relax often. Banish worry. Don't , speak of the heat. Avoid argument.'Cultivate calmness —Parado, London. I -

tews PAv&Arr MEW&PAP&& rr unu f suai| v ' tender gents who cant bear to know .uihaTs happening; —Evening Standard. London

Hitler's Very Own CO fond is Hen- Hitler of the Badenweiler March that he has given orders forbidding the German bands to play it unless he is there to listen. To this, tune of the Badenweiler German soldiers marched when Herr Hitler joined up, and then there was nothing to pay. But if any band plays it .now in his absence there will be a fine of 150 marks to pay, or in serious cases there inay be imprisonment as well./ " The Badenweiler did not, as things turned out, prove to be a victory march, but to ordinary intelligence it ■ seems incredible that such a prohiI bition can ho issuqd in any land. ! —Arthur Mce, London. . Bad Lad ' A BATCH of recruits to the R.A.F. 1 was being inspected by a flight-ser-geant. After giving them a few appropriate words of advice, he concluded } with a warning: "If any of you lads has any civil conviction entered against . him, now's the time tcs speak up, and it won't be held against ypu." Nobody spoke. The sergeant gave them another o chance. o "Now then, you fellows, it 11 go hard s w ith any of you if it comes out after- j f wards. Any convictions, any fines, anj Y prison sentences?" After a pause, one e j'outh nervously intimated that ho r wished to speak. / . !- "Ho, so you thought better of it, *» did you? Just as well. What was your ® trouble?" c { "If you please, sergeant, I ve been " fined once." y "What for and how much?" 0 "Sixpence, for kedping a library 0 book over a month." 0 —Tit-Bits. LondoD. ?! Piety and Publicity 1 TT is many years since Milton wrote y that lie did not praise a fugitive and cloistered virtue, and he would find u many to agreo with him to-day. Yet were ho living now he might think that pushful piety sometimes oversteps _ its e mark. There is, for example, the clerical s stationer who quotes a testimonial to - the effect that "Your cards gave a real r fillip to our Passiontide services, or ,f the still more enterprising firm which y introduces a novelty in the lorm_ ot t Christmas crackers in the fivo liturgical n colours with devout fillings and approg priate mottoes in addition to the usual if carnival hats. t —Lucio in tbe Manchester Guardian. a . Dr. Benes' Task purpose of Dr. Benes' coming . visit to London is to organise m this country a world centre co-ordinat-ing all Czech activities. This \vork will occupy him for several months, before lie returns to his university chair at Chicago. . ... " Dr. Benes hopes eventually to link this organisation with the Czecho-Slovak • Council of nearly 2,000,000 members j which ho lias formed in the United States. The largest European colony of Czech exiles, numbering 50,000, is in Paris. N . A roll is being compiled of all who would bo ready to act for the liberation of their country "when the timo comes." The list is national rather than racial. Numbers of Sudeten German exiles and Hungarians formerly living in Czecho-Slovakia have enrolled. —The Daily Telegraph. London. Shock "T7STHEN my wifo asked mo if 1 could lot her have a cheque," a correspondent tells us, "I was amazed to find L was overdrawn." Ho just couldn t i mako it out. • „ , . T , ; •—Humorist, London.

Cigarettes > . CHARLES DICKENS played a part V in the introduction of cigarettes. In "Little Dorrit," published in 1855 (which is about the earliest date given for the appearance of cigarettes in England) j Monsieur Rignld is depicted as practising an unfamiliar form of smoking, "rolling his tobacco into cigarettes by aid of little squares of paper." That Dickens appreciated the new smoking is evident from passages in his correspondence, as early as 1857. , inquiring after sources of supply of cigarettes. —Parade, London. Viewpoints J T SEE a world in blossom everywhere Wind filled with them and scent of bloom; J see a world in blossom; it is bare To men who see a world of gloom. 1 marvel that some see God in the thunder, His majesty in stormy throes, And never know His kindly presence under The fragile blossom of the rose. 1 marvel, nay, I do not understand The wrathful power they have in mind, When all this lovely earth declares the hand Of God so mild and loving-kind. —Keith Thomas in the Churchman. Stiff A DRESS reformer boasts that he hasn't worn a collar for seventeen years. It seems his doctor advised him to avoid anything starchy. —Punch, London. Habits GHORTER riding habits for women, a result of tho fashion for shorter skirts, have aroused the anger of Sir Walter Gilbey, who is a strict critic of riding costumes. After watching the judging of the classes 'for iadies' hunters at Richmond Royal Horse Show ho said: "They'll bo riding in shorts next. I don't know why they have to do it. •It's all very, well saying 'fashion.' They show far too much' riding boot with these short skirts." —Sunday Times. London. Good Man TjUTHER: "Now, who has behaved best this week and done all that mummy has asked?" Willie: "You, daddy." —Sio und Er, ; Lucky i "TlffY wife had a dream last night, and > thought she married a millionaire." "You're fortunate. Mine thinks that in tho daytime." —Atalanta Two Bolls.

"Sir Max" TVTAX BEERBOHM will almost undoubtedly qualify for the title of Britain's shyest knight. For the past 29 years ho has flitted unobtrusively s into" London at rare intervals from his villa at Rapallo. Friends spend days trying to track him down in such hideouts as Jack Straw's Castle at Hampstead. I wonder if "Max" remembers a pleasant story he used to tell of his famous half-brother. Sir Herbert Trco. [n the interval between the announcement of the actor's knighthood and the bestowal of the accolade, a gushing woman spoke to Max of "Mr. Tree —or should 1 say Sir Herbert?" "Madame," responded at his most melancholy, "In the mind of the great British public he will always remain Mr. Tree. But in the eyes of his Maker ho has always been Sir Herbert." —Peterborough in Tho Daily Telegraph, London. Ivy TT is stated that during her visit to - 1 Stanmore, Queen Mary expressed her dislike of ivy. In that opinion she has many supporters, for it is a parasitic object at its best, and may! become sttfFocatiug. Its vogue as a "romantic" plant dates from the 18th century, when, the "ivy-mantled tmfer" found its way into poetry. Dictstens gives it an advertisement in 'Tickwick." Its poetic voguo wqs much encouraged by America, where ivy is rare. The French have a motto aboutthe plant—"Jo meurs ou je n'attache": the pun depending on tho presence or absence of the accent on ou. —Observator in Tho Observer, London. No Passport to Wealth TTERR JOHANNSEN has written another play called "The Yellow Devil." It is based on the fight against tropical diseases, and the 8.8.C. may broadcast it. Eminence in the radiodramatic world is no passport to wealth. The profits from broadcast plays are at best meagre compared with tire rewards of successful "straight" play writing. —Daily Telegraph, London.