LOCAL GOSSIP

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXV, Issue 23181, 29 October 1938, Page 4 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP

Busman's Holiday THERE had been an accident directly outside a doctor's house, and the medical man found one victim unconscious and bleeding profusely from numerous cuts. He decided to have him carried into the surgery for treatment, but there was no response to a call for somebody to help carry the victim. One man, pressed into service, fainted when he saw the injuries, but a newcomer pushed through the crowd and took his place with no signs of repugnance. When congratulated by the doctor on his nerve, he coughed modestly and explained: "Well, I'm an undertaker's assistant." Tn spite of this it is on record that the victim recovered. Modern Manners A contribution to the never-ending argument as to whether the urchin ot to-day is milder or wilder than his forehears is made by a sehoolteafcher. He considers that many schoolboys are cheekier than they were in his day, and, being a teacher, of course ho blames the parents. He had occasion to speak severely to his class 'on their lack of foresight in not bringing their overcoats to school when the weather was threatening. He reminded his children that he had spoken on the subject many times before. "Why did you not bring your coats?" he demanded. "It was obvious this morning that it was going to rain." And then up spoke Master Impudent Nine. "Well, if it was so obvious, why didn't you bring yours?" The Acid Test The cost of living was under serious discussion in a city group and while there was unanimity that costs had risen? there were differences of opinion as to tin* extent of tho rise. One quoted shillings and peftee as to various articles, and another took the talk into percentages and then they both appealed to a third member of the group for support of their arguments. His reply was brief and to the point. "1 don't know anything of the details either in shillings or percentages," he. said. "But this L do know. Pay day is Friday and for many years I. could always gut a loan from the wife on Thursday. But now tho boot is on tho other foot. Thursday is the day she tries to tap me for the necessary." Springbok Menace The keen golfer had been unable to leave the. office until late on Saturday, and hastened to Titirangi to gain a few tips from the South African, A. 1). Locke. After catching up on the gallery at the third hole in the afternoon round, he inquired from a friend about tho state of the game. When told that Locke was four up, he laconically remarked to the world in general, "Just another of these blessed Springboks." Weather on Labour Days Once again has Labour Day been marred by bad weather. This is the third time in succession and these arc the three Labour Days that have been celebrated since the Labour Government came into office. In each of the three previous years—lo33-34-35—when the sinful and derided Nationalists were reigning, the holiday was bright and sunny, and everything in the garden was lovely. One does not want to suggest that the then Government was the cause of this, but it would be quite as reasonable to do so as to say, as has been implied, that it was responsible for all th-e unhappy conditions ruling during the depression. Anyhow, what about the present Government and its self-proclaimed aptitude for putting everything right? Can it not give us line Labour Days? "We're tho Government, aren't we?" Now then! More Social Progress

Advancing years have not dimmed her interest in the rights of a citizen, and after reading recently of the qualifications necessary before obtaining an invalidity pension, she decided to investigate. She found the correct office, and concisely set out the circumstances of her case. It was not until she was nearing the end that she staggered the clerk by saying: "And so I've decided to apply for the infidelity pension."

-By MERCUTIO-

Estimates of Speed The recent pertinent observations by 31 r. Justice Blair regarding the failure of many witnesses in Court to give reliable estimates of the speed of motorcars brings to mind a collision case that ciime before an Auckland magistrate about ton years ago. Two motorists had been involved in a collision at a street intersection, and one of the drivers took proceedings against the other, whom he alleged to have been at fault. He mentioned his estimate of the distance from the corner of himself and the other driver when he first saw the latter, and also gave an estimate of the speed of both cars. The magistrate, an experienced motorist, picked up his pencil and made a lightning calculation upon a "sheet of paper. Then he astonished the witness by remarking: "Do you know that to reach the intersection at the same time as the defendant you must have travelled at over 400 miles an hour and have thus beaten the world's record?" The case was dismissed without the defendant being called upon to give his side of the story. Frosts A bit of a frost was experienced in the Waikato last week-cad. It was rather unseasonable, but nothing to compare with the complete frost many people in New Zealand experienced tho week-end before. Election Race at Riccarton Rieearton, of course, is a place of tips and downs, and surprises and disappointments when the numbers go up. The recent election race there resulted , in a somewhat close finish, but not so close as ou at least two previous occasions. Mr. Kyle, riding Nationalist, finished with a majority of 87. Jn 1928, w hen he won the same event, he was in a minority of 11 at the close of the election night count, and after the postal votes had been dealt with he had a slender majority of two. However, when all votes were counted, he had a lead of 43, in 1890, when the late Hon. G. W. Russell was returned for Jliccarton, he wrested the seat from the Hon. W. Rolleston by one vote only. There have been many other close finishes on the Riccarton course, but these are not on the order paper at the moment. Youth Will Be Served A recent Auckland wedding had been postponed, as one of the happy couple had contracted the fashionable complaint of measles. This was particularly galling to tho small page-boy who had been looking forward to the function. Several days before the second date he fell foul of the snme complaint himself, and was very indignant when told that the wedding would proceed. "If they can postpone it when the bride had the measles, why can't they do so again' he asked his parents in hurt tones. Money From Home He was looking for a friend's residence in a large block of and, being unable to see any indication of tho number he was seeking, he knocked on a convenient door. The knock was answered bv a casual acquaintance, whom the visitor had almost forgotten, but it was immediately apparent that the occupant of the flat well remembered the meeting. "Oh, yes, old chap, ' he began. "About that :Jos I owe you. I was coming down with it some day soon, but since you're here, perhaps you'll take it now." Although surprised, the chance caller did not refuse, and went on to pay his promised visit a few minutes later, the'richer by au amount he had long since written oif as a bad debt.

Betwixt and Between The trouble about this year's Labour Day was that it was really neither one tiling nor the other, 'lake the verdict of one of those queer chaps whose idea of spending a holiday is to sort out spade and rake, hoe and trowel and do a spot of gardening. Ho said it was neither fine enough to bo enjoyable out of doors nor wet enough to give a decent excuse for knocking off and going inside. A perfect wash-out, in fact, with not even enough rain to soak the garden properly. It seems a pretty complete indictment. But, after all, how much notice need you take of a chap who chooses to spend a public holiday that way?