OUR PROBLEM SERVANT

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXV, Issue 23133, 3 September 1938, Page 12 (Supplement)

OUR PROBLEM SERVANT

CCA I 1 HIS has gone too far I" J snorted Eileen, suddenly. "So's this!" 1 replied, eyeing my breakfast egg with some distaste. Eileen threw a, wad of housekeeping bills on the table and announced: "Cook must go! Look at these bills. I am convinced the woman is swindling us, and, moreover, she is idle and insolent, and her cooking is—is—" "Lousy?" I suggested. "Thanks," said. Eileen. "You must speak to cook!" she decided. "Why nit 1 ?" 1 complained. "Surely it is your job to deal with the servants ?" '"You arc the master of the house," she riposted. (It's a funny thing, but 1 am only the master of the house when a pipe bursts or Eileen hears queer noises in the night). "Of course, if you are too nerv- } ) ous ....

"Are you suggesting that I fear my own cook?" 1 demanded.

"That's rijiht." said Kileen. Tha.t did it. "'This has gone too farl" 1 announced, with dignity. "Wot 'as:'" inquired cook. "You have." 1 (lashed. "Just look at last nights dinner!" "Wot wos it?" asked cook calmly. "A disgrace!" 1 stormed. "It were a prime juicy cut o' rump," said cook; "as tender a bit o' rump as the 'art could wish!"

"1 am willing to concede," I replied icily, "that before you got your hands upon it,,, it was rump of the juciest, a joy to all, and a credit to the bullock.* What I want to know," 1 continued fiercely, "is how it became transformed into the inside of a gumboot ?" "Ho!" said cook, challengingl.v. 'Ho, hindeed! 1 would 'ave you know 1 'ave done for the very best people." "1 don't doubt it," 1 agreed. "You very nearly did for us, and to save our lives I am going to discharge you." It was like igniting a rocket! Cook went into top and let go! Discharge her, indeed! A God-fearing, respectable woman who had buried two husbands and d6ne for the best people! She was used to ladies and gents, she was. She

By DENIS DUNN

Illustrations by Minhinnick

had only herself to blanio for consenting to work for ignorant upstarts who did not know a juicy bit o' rump when they saw it. "Moreover," I said coldly, "you are idle." "Hidle?" she screamed. "Mo hidle? Next minute you'll say 1 ain't honest!" "Correct," I agreed, "you ain't honest." "Well, I'll go to sea!" gasped cook. "And," 1 proceeded, "you are insolent." "H insolent?" she boomed. "Why, you red-headed little pipsqueak, a politer woman nor me ever breathed' 1 knows my place and 1 keep to it." "i know it, too," 1 said, angrily, "and you can go to it!" "That's done it," sho said, forcibly. "L wouldn't stay in this 'ouse another day, not .if you went' down on your knees and begged me, I wouldn't. Out or this 'ouse l go, to-day as ever is! Why I ever got 'ere in the first place beats me!" "Me too!" I agreed.

Now that she was going, the barriers were down and the inhibitions began

to pop. Cook let me have it. She made dark suggestions about my parentage; sho said that me and my wife —if it was my wile—were a nice pair! Lure a poor God-fearing woman into their house, starve her to death, work her to the bone, and then slander her to her face behind her back. If wo were struck down it would be a judgment. Niggling and cheeseparing, cheeseparing and niggling, all day and every day, in a manner to turn the stomach of Christian folk. She concluded by describing me as "a red-nosed little humbug."

Xow you must never lose your dignity with servants. Never descend to the level of abuse. Treat them with icy calm.

"Listen to me. you insolent old halibut," 1 said, coldly. " Pack your bag and go. 1 will give you a month's wages in lieu of notice, and if j'ou want a reference I will give you one which should no doubt admit you to the Foreign Legion. Now —hoppit!" Afraid of the cook, indeed! The idea !

With a satisfied grunt, I slammed down the receiver and marched boldly out of the telephone-box.