CONCERT PIECE

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXV, Issue 23127, 27 August 1938, Page 14 (Supplement)

CONCERT PIECE

CCh-ri HERE is a Ballad Concert I at tho Church Hall ori, Friday evening," said Eileen. My knucklos whitened as 1 gripped my newspaper convulsively, but 1 made no reply* "I said there was a Ballad Conceit at the Church Hall on Friday, said Eileen at the top of her voice. "So what?" 1 muttered. "So I have two tickets for it and wo are going," she announced. "Fifty per cent of Us aro not, I replied, firmly. "And that is my last word." 1 was perfectly correct. It was my last word—for twenty-five minutes anyway. During that period I was treated to a critical summary of my character and general habits, salted with a lew tasteful observations upon my personal appearance), and topped off with a few choico references to the unpleasant nature of my closest friends and relatives. Wearing a Dickey Why do nearly all women fall for ballad concertsP J loathe tho things. A little fat man gets lip on tho platform) wearing a sentimental leer and a dickey. He puts one hand where his heart would he if his stomach was not in the way, and in a voico resembling that of a man trying to suck tapioca pudding through a length of gas-piping, announces: — "I Met Her in the Cornfield in the Long-Ago." Presumably when it was pitch dark, and the unfortunate girl could not see what she was getting. He is invariably followed by a soprano with a figure like a stick of asparagus, who tells a waiting world "Only in My Dreams I See Him" —• a fact which is so obvious that you Wonder why she bothers to mention it. "You wiil take me to that concert," said Eileen.

"I will not take you to that concert," said 1. The point was that I had already decided how I was going to spend Friday evening. Battling Bruno, the middleweight boxer, was appearing at tho local music-hall during Jiis. exhibition tour, and 1 had already booked my seat. 1 am an ardent follower of the fancy, and 1 had been following Tho

By DENIS DUNN Illustrated by Minhinhick

Battler's career with enthusiasm for many months. 1 pointed this out to Eileen. She took out tho cork and gave mo the lot. So 1 was that type of hi an. So I was mean, selfish, and deteriorate. So I w oil Id rather watch the en perl up of a piUieii-driiilk moron than hear the melodies of the masters? 1 agreed that 1 would. Difficulties Solved When she saw L was firm, n cnlculfttinp; look came into her eye. She knitted her brows and pursed her lips. 1,"°" she finally unknitted and depursed herself, and said: "Of course, 1 could go with Mrs. Ponder. She could. use the other ticket." ' . ~ ~ "Exactly!" 1 cried, enthusiastically. "That solves all our difficulties. A line idea!" "But," sho said, "if I have to go with her I must have a now evening •dress. It wouldn't matter with you, but that cat has seen everything 1 ve e °"Ho\v much would it take?" I asked, warily. , .., , Sho told mo. 1 turned white nncl grabbed the sideboard for support. I thought of my overdraft. J. he:n J thought of Battling Bruno, i hen J thought of two hours at a ballad concert in the Church Ifall. it A Shaking Hand Bruno won. I made out the cheque with a shaking hand, and passed it over. Things wore not m<iclc much better, when ten minutes later I heard Eileen speaking on the telephone to Mrs. Ponder. She was saying: "It's all right, dear, I've got it. He fell for it like a lamb!" But Friday came along, and I was in high spirits when I went to tho musichall. Bruno is a great lad. I saw his fight with Thunderbolt McGwire, the night McGuire was knocked kicking in the first round. Bruno has a right-cross to the body that is a poem. I had an excellent seat and waited eagerly for the champ's appearance. He came on the stage in full evening dress! .1 frowned. I saw that ho had a piece of music in his hand. I scowled.

Then a little man came in and sat down at a grand piano. 1 turned pale. Tho horrible truth suddenly dawned on me. 1 had forgotten the modern pugilistic fashion for popular pugs! ] was sobbing quietly when the announcer cried: — "Battling Bruno. The Golden-Voiced Middle-weight, will now render that famous old ballad, 'She Gave Me a Sprig of Lavender —I Gave Her a Hollyhock.' " ,