HIDING THINGS

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXIII, Issue 22332, 1 February 1936, Page 1 (Supplement)

HIDING THINGS

BY AB INITIO

FANNIE AGG'S ART

Her name was Fannie Agg. She was tall and ungainly, with an awkward stride that made her look thoroughly uncomfortable when she moved about. The mask-like expression on her face rarely changed, except to reveal an occasional flash of superciliousness. Her hands Were hardened and coarsened from unending housework, and the skin had a clammy fibre from constant immersion in hot water. The tall, lean frame was surmounted by a glaring liala of red hair, wild and unruly, but, if this indicated a fiery temper, Fannie Agg was never guilty of displaying it. So now you are fully acquainted with Fannie Agg, because that is as much as we ever knew about her. There was no trace of her private life, although many unfounded stories attempted to show whence she came. They were disbelieved, however, as unworthy of her. Fannie Agg's make-up included a quaint sense of humour. There were many things she lacked; for instance, she was neither talkative nor responsive. We considered her sense of humour was an outlet. It was a good thing she had an outlet, but unfortunate that we had to suffer from it. No one caught her smiling at the things she did, but as they happened every day it must have been a constant source of pleasure to her. Tho particular form of humour can best be described as "the ability to conceal things so that no one, except yourself, can ever find them again." Having the complete run of the house, Fannie Agg's operations in this respect were extensive, and as she was both quick and efficient, not one of the many members of the household was lucky enough to catch her in the act. Daily Problems It was sometimes possible to solve the daily problems if one had enough time to spare. But we were always in a hurry, and so often the call would echo through the house, "Fa-a-a-ny!" , She always recognised the distress signal. "Yes'm, coming," was the routine reply. "Where are my black socks—the ones I had on two nights ago?" Without any hesitation she would produce" them. Whether she had any system of hiding and finding we could not discover, but she was never at a loss to lay hands on what she had put carefully away. The tricky part about the whole business was that she rarely employed the same methods on successive occasions. So if you searched in the most unexpected places as thoroughly as possible, and gave it up, she would point out, in the most obvious place, what you were looking for and vice versa. Fannie Agg's art at concealing revealed a touch that almost amounted to genius. You know how easily accustomed you can become to finding s*our hairbrushes in a certain place every day throughout the year. Well, Fannie Agg decided one dull day to conceal them. Anyone else with this in mind would have placed the hairbrushes in the bottom drawer under a large pile of clothes, making their recovery merely a matter of time. But not so with Fannie Agg. She moved the hairbrushes from their accustomed position, neatly filling the gap on the dressing table with some oddments. A distress ' signal went out. "Fa-a-a-ny." Fannie appeared through the door. "What have you done with my hairbrushes?" Without committing herself to a reply, she pointe'd to them. They were reposing on the top of the chest-of-drawers. Before there was a chance to recover from astonishment or vent some slight irritation, she had vanished. Counterplots And so in many little ways Fannie Agg carries out her favourite pastime of "hiding the hairbrush" or "concealing the clothes." We who are the victims have resorted to all sorts of evasions and counterplots, but none has succeeded for any length of time. It would be quite useless to explain to her that she is putting things away in their wrong places, and confusing the entire family, because she has a strict sense of right and wrong—and her method is the right one in her eyes. Whenever Fannie Agg is to have a half-day off, however, she does not usually indulge in any pranks that might take too long to make good again. Her efforts are then restricted to exchanging oddments and trinkets from one small box to another, which is not usually discovered at the time, but may cause complete chaos at some distant time in the future when a brooch or stud is urgently needed. Most likely, Fannie herself will be away on holiday when that occasion arises, and so miss the brunt of the wrath and despair. .» Tho best way of counteracting this minor nuisance is to hide the necessaries of life away from Fannie Agg's watchful eye—and unless she finds them while putting other objects away, and moves them from the hiding place you know to a hiding place you do not know, you can reasonably expect to take them out again when needed without loss of time. Spartan Disposition In winter time the cqld mornings tempt one to adopt every possible means of keeping warm after- getting out of bed. Fannie Agg displays some of her spartan disposition in the arrangements of dressing gown and slippers during this season. One would prefer to have them within easy reach, somewhere by the end of the bed or across tho room. But Fannie Agg calculates that everyone ought to have a cold bath, and by way of lessening the shock, sho allows you time to cool off during the search. In the dark cupboard there is no carpet and the place is as chilly as a morgue. You grope carefully round the wall, with shivering limbs and frozen feet, and on the last peg is the dressing gown, tucked out of sight. The slippers are underneath tho bottom shelf, behind a curtain. By this time you have cooled down, and the morning plunge is scarcely noticeable. If ever we decide upon a treasure hunt, Fannie Agg shall select the hiding places. To anyone whoso daily life is made up of setting riddles for the family, and which nine times out of ten are solved only by Fannie herself, tho treasure hunt sliould be mild recreation to her. It will be necessary, however, to see that she does not make it so difficult that it cannot be solved. The other day Fannie Agg sot the seal of supremacy 011 her art, and 110 one is likely to. quostion or challenge her again. The head of the house lost his shirt, and no amount of searching could produce it. Fannie Agg came to the call for help. She could always get breakfast ready with one hand and run the house with the other. "My shirt is missing. Why have you hidden it?" an angry voice bellowed out. Fannio quickly summed up the situation, and drew aside the bedclothes. There lay the shirt, which had been lying out of sight. "Perhaps it was absentmindedness," nhe remarked as a parting thrust.