LOCAL GOSSIP

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXIII, Issue 22332, 1 February 1936, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP

sx MERCTJTIO

The competitor in tho monotype yachting championship who, when his tiller went overboard and floated away, simply got out and recovered it- on foot, was not making good advertising for the' Wastemata, because so many people elsewhere do not know anything about Mhe characteristics of Shoal Bay. At th< same time, lie is to bo envied bv many a sportsman in his ability to stop, get out, and start again and still come fourth. What would not jocl:evs give to bo able to correct their mistakes in a race and still have a chance of winning? What would a cricketer give for a second chance after throwing his bat away by accident? It is even possible that an angler would like to 'start again where ho left off after replacing a broken cast. The 6econd cjiance seems to bo reserved for Shoal Bay yachtsmen, though on Anniversary i)ay there were boats which could have recovered a lost tiller without any effort at all. In the absence of wind, the tide would have carried them back to the floating tiller in many an instance! The regatta day seems to be the only one when all city-bound folk join with the sailing fraternity in longing for wind. Now, if there was a wind to-day, how the sporting landsmen would lament 1 - 'I A member of the Palmerston North Hospital Board is very cock-a-hoop because a motion of his about State lotteries which did not get a seconder two years ago found seven supporters last week. Wonder if the change indicates the shadow coming events cast bufore them. Mr. Semple has ordered the removal of ivy from the walls of the Government offices in Hokitika. He says "the foliage harbours pests and germs and generally is detrimental." But, instead of employing men to remove the ivy, why does not Mr. Semple save money by simply giving the bugs their running 6hoes ? Under a by-law of 1917 a New Brighton' bather was prosecuted be- , cause h;s costume was not .quite quite, or words to that effect. The magistrate, in convicting and discharging this desperate- character, said the by-law was "queer" and "rather novel." But how could, a by-law of 1917 be wither no\el? Yet one can see his point all right. The offending bathing costume no doubt was anything but novel. Modern bathing costumes are often so attenuated that they can be neither novel nor anything else. But,, seeing that everyone in the vogue wears tlliem, what in the world can a by-law do about it? The spokesman for the Napier dental clinic committee told the Minister of Health that the prettiest and! most efficient nurses get married right away. Mr. Fra-ser remarked that to hold the girls to provisions of a ten-year bond would mean that the department would have to "squeeze" thern. One has heard a good deal about the diffidence of many men to undertake public service, but if Mr. Fraser's anxiety about "sqiKiejung" the aforesaid lasses is widely enough broadcasted, there may be a mew interest in hospital board work. Because of the large stocks of champagne the vintners of France have decided to reduce the price. That's the stuff. In the past there has ll>een destruction of coffee and other commodities to remove surpluses, but the Frenchmen would never be guilty of pouring champagne into the sea. What a pity this move did not take place when the New Zealanders were knocking about France, though one is assured by a reputable gunner of Irish extraction that,the very best drink he ever bad in Franca was the first bottle of English ale he drank when he reached Doverl A fanner writes to Mercutio enclosing a reply he received to his advertisement in the Herald for an experienced machine milker. The applicant wrote: "I would like a change on a farm. I am a business man with college education, 40 years of age, and desire a good home and conditions, with a room to myself." The letter went . on to-give particulars of all kinds of experience, from harvesting oats to picking and grading apples, but made no mention ojp cows or machine milking. ' The writer concluded:- "T am a good car driver." In his excusable irritation, the farmer replied: "As we do not supply farm hands with tea in bed, I would advise you to secure a farm of your own, where you will get plenty of change of work, and you might have a room to yourself, a good home and conditions, etc." All of which goes to show how difficult it is to sclve this farm labour problem. One observes that important commercial information is still being pub- ( lished under the heading "Butter-fat Payments." It is understood that on several farms they are anticipating the heading "Fat Butter Payments."' In the meantime let us derive what cheer we may from the fact that Penang quotations for sago and tapioca are slightly easier, that vegetable oils are moving on an advancing market, that ginger rates in India have firmed and that quotations in Jamaica for pimento are at a' particularly high level. Any dairy farmer requiring a ton or two of pimento should undoubtedly get in now, and he might do worse titan secure a load of winter pack Malaya pineapples before the market breaks. Among the "humorous and unusual'' things noted by an American visitor during his stay in Now Zealand is that we talk about a stone in measuring a man's weight and. that vvo eat off the back of tho fork. One of these days we may burst out laughing at ourselves." Regarding the unit of human weight, this visitor says that it is absurd to calculate in stones when one has to figure it back into pounds. But, there you soo differences in custom. If in New Zealand a man said he weighed 1961b. the others would look blank and start turning the lbs. into stones. Anyway, how many pounds go to the gallon, and how many pints niakei "a drink or two"? . A bluejacket, fishing off the naval jetty, caught first a schnappcr and then a frying pan. Wonder if he nodded between the two bites and a comrade had a joke of the kind that befell the most unlucky fisherman in Auckland. The member of a launch crew and a regular cruiser, this man could never catch a fish even when the others were getting them in twos. He persisted, but naturally developed very casual habits. Once during a long period of pessimistic meditation when his eyes wore blinking into the blue sky they pulled up his line and affixed a smoked schnappcr thereto. But by the time be found out ft that a fish was on the line the hook had worked loose and so even tho smoked oti'e got away.