The Rock of Possession

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXII, Issue 22030, 9 February 1935, Page 6 (Supplement)

The Rock of Possession

Why the Victorian

The subject of homes, past and present, is a very much-discussed subject nowadays, and especially at the present time, while the stormy romance of Elizabeth Barrett Browning and her poet-lover is sufficiently a topic of the hour to revive public interest in Victorian family life. Probably the farthest back anybody to-day can remember is the Vicorian home —founded most definitely on property —a patriarchal society Avhere even the servants were looked upon as property, where girls were married off long before they even knew the type of persons they were themselves, when women spent their time greasing the wheels of life for the men who drove it. In this modern era 'it is the men who have desired to retain the old ideas of home, for it gives them a sense of ownership, both of goods and persons. Of course, women had a certain sense of ownership, too, for they wore the heavy family jewels and enjoyed the use of the large home and furnishings. But these things were always dependent 011 someone else granting them, and usually they did if the women were subservient enough. Even to-day there are homes which to all outside appearances are comfortable, and' in which the wife is well dressed and well fed. but could not write a cheque for £lO. By keeping a firm hand on the money, the lord and master is able to regulate her life exactly as he wishes^ Now this patriarchal idea flourished while life seemed calm and secure, but to-day Ave live in an age of uncertainty, and people can no longer be so sure of " possessing." So the patriarchal pattern loosens the forces of rebellion break out, the wife reacts against being owned, and the children object to being ordered how to regulate their lives.

knowledge which makes families smaller and frees mothers and elder children from being perpetual nurses; is it flat life that has eliminated gardens and large rooms for entertaining friends; is it the growth of outside amusements or women's entry into industry; or is it entirely economic? It is impossible to say, but all are probably contributory causes.

1 believe 'the home has failed as an ideal centre for a grown and intelligent family. ' I do not refer to young children, for they need personal care, and while young must remain in the home whether they, like it or not. 1 repeat, the home has failed, for I think very few —unfortunately—could say that the dwelling in which they spend the major part of their existence encompasses' love in its highest form (which must not be possessive), ideal companionship, freedom of expression and complete understanding, that it is a place where each can develop his or her personalitj' without offence or criticism. If a> home is a real home, then all these things should be possible therein.

A sure sign of our failure in homes is that to-day, more than at any other period in the world's history, grown children and unmarried sons and daughters prefer to live by themselves or share a flat with someone their own age. They will not tell their parents why they do this, they will be sufficiently kind to pretend it is . their work or some reason that demands this, but the fact remains that they do it when they can possibly afford it. The only reason must be that they feel repressed. Parents forget that their children grow up. It is no use moaning over these things. The big family group has passed (Germany is trying desperately to restore it), and in its place a new and different meaning of home will appear. The old family foundered on the rock of possession—possession of persons. And so let us face it. Going are those homes which are often only places wherein to eat and sleep, where several people spend their days in boredom, suppress their individuality, and live traditionally, because they believe that that is " home."

If this possessive, patriarchal home was really an ideal home, why is it tottering? It is difficult to say who is to blame for this failure of the old system. Is it the patriarchal systeml the objection of the male 'to give up seme of the power which he wielded therein and which, now that even the women are being educated, they resent; is it the spread of birth-control