LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXVI, Issue 20426, 30 November 1929, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

UY MERCUTIO.

A characteristic of New Zealand life mentioned by the Governor-General the other day could not very well have escaped''notice by so keen an observer of men and manners as His Excellency. Every pl aC£ - hc visitccl > ho remarkod > teemed to be a "queen city;" every dairy show was tho foremost in the country, and every district had the best slieep that ever bleated. in other words, which His Excellency's tact provented him trom using, modesty seems a ruling characteristic in this unassuming country. But after all, why should Jfew• Zealand bo modest? What has jt to be modest about, anyway? If New Zealanders did not belicvo these things about their country, who would? All tho world is supposed to admire a modest man, when, as a matter of fact, it generally ignores him becauso it knows nothing about him. It is much tho same with a country. So let tho praises of dairy shows and sheep be sung as loudly and "tunefully as tho voices of tho peoplo concerned will permit. Also there's no harm in dozens of places being labelled " queen city," so long as all Now Zealand realises adequately that Auckland is really tho only "queen city." No harm 7 at all, in fact.

There is something ominous in the outlook when a department of State begins showing signs of a sense of humour. Internal affairs is the latest culprit. The story is that when some people asked for a permit for an art union, for which the first prize was to be a Maori head in gold, it'was refused. Then, of course, an appeal was made to the local member. He wrote to the department saying he had seen a model of the head in soap end it certainly appeared to him to be a V( -ork of art. So the department replied: »< Right. Raffle the model in soap." There is something disarming about an answer put so neatly. When somebody ;writes to the Commissioner of Taxes submitting seventeen reasons, each sufficient and conclusive in itself, showing why he should not bo taxed as the Commissioner reckons he should, the answer is liable tb be in the most dry-as-dust terms, probably on a printed form, and couched something like this: "The Commissioner regrets that 110 reduction in your original assessment can be allowed." So a law-abiding and peaceable citizen becomes annoyed, develops all kinds of unruly thoughts about the forces of law and order, possibly even makes a round of tlie music shops looking for a copy of the Red Flag. If the Commissioner's office were to spend a little of its time devising the smart answer that turns nwav wrath even oftcncr that tlje soft one' does—it is absurd to expect soft answers/from the Commissioner of Taxes—there might be a little more goodwill a necessary, if.iannoying State institution. Suppose a start were made with: " Tho Commissioner has read

y'ouj/ letter with keen appreciation but regrets that his answer must be ' Pull \my arm, my leg's tired.' " A few quips lilie that would have people believing before long that the office of the Commissioner was a human institution and not a remorseless machine. The taxes would come in just the same and there would be fewer hard feeling 3.

A highly laudatory opinion of the Arapuni scheme has been expressed by a visitor from overseas, who said he had reached'his conclusion " after seeing Arapuni to-day." This is a pleasant variant of the common practice of condemning Arapuni without ever having seen it.

The/, commerce train that has reached its journey's.end is stated to have visited 30 towns, and been responsible for its party travelling 548 miles by train and 506 by motor-car. The train itself covered 232 miles empty. It is refreshing to find that iij the end tho people who made the trip actually did cover more miles in the train than by motor-car. So much is official. Vlt is estimated unofficially that theso same people were entertained at 239 banquets, morning and afternoon teas and other functions where food and drink were consumed. Among them they used 2,947,251 words extolling the beauties and potentialities—good word potentialities—of the country, they saw, and listened to 1,343,167 words in acknowledgment and reply. / While the train was north of Auckland the phrase " Winterless North," was used—but, no, it is not x - easonable to estimate how many times it was used.

The solemn, but perhaps not too awfully llolcmn, appeal to Dunedin's ladies to wear brighter clothes has been discussed so much that little more need be said about it here. The lecturer at least departed from the more usual practice of denouncing tho ladies for not wearing more clothes. In doing this he was out, perhaps, to prove his knowledge of human, nature, at least of the feminine part of it. He suggested something which had a chance of being adopted. But besides dealing with the question of clothing and colour harmonies, he wandered off on to other topics. The end of his remarks, as reported, is the most notable portion. He referred to the custom of lifting'''the top off a wedding cake and putting it away under glass " as a perpetual illustration of the folly of one s carlv days." But whv should a married couple need to keep the wedding cake top for this purpose? They remain married after the wedding day, don t they.

The Transport Board is earning popu- ' larity for itself among motorists by removing tramway c6nlre poles. This lias been an objective before the motoiists, who regard the poles in the middle of the street as an* encumbrance and a danger. So they are from the strictly motoring view. No car can , safely run * over the piece of ground which canies a pole,, and any attempt to do so is simply bound to cajjso trouble. So far the new policy of the board is cnlnely admirable. ' The pedestrian may havo a different view of the question, but then the voice of the pedestiian is s 6 little heard in the land nowadays that his objection may be, and certainly will be, disregarded. You see the very quality in the tram pole that makes it objectionable to the motorist also makes it a haven of refuge for the pedestrian in moments of stress. When lie starts to cross the street and trafhc suddenly increases, as it has a habit of doing, so that to turn back seems as perilous as to go forward, ho can always shelter himself behind a tram pole secuie / in the knowledge that as long as he remains there nothing can touch him. When, or if, they are all abolished, the street will stretch before him as a pitiless open space offering no sanctuary in times of stress. So far the board lias siot dealt very hardly with the pedestrian, for in the places whence the poles have been taken the foot traffic does not swell into a very full tide. -Perhaps by the time all the poles are abolished thera will !ba no pedestrians left,