EGGS AND BACON.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXV, Issue 20130, 15 December 1928, Page 22 (Supplement)

EGGS AND BACON.

By BARRY PAIN. £

Maurice, being an orphan of twentyright years, and a bachelor, lived with his Uncle George and Aunt Lilian in Tilverton. He would havo told you he .was fond of them and so, in a sort of family wav, he was. But ho also cordially disliked them—a paradoxical state of affairs .which is really not uncommon. You see, Maurico was refined—very ■quiet and refined. It was the first thing you noticed about him, and if you had not noticed it he would havo found means cf calling your attention to it. He was deeply interested in all the arts. lie 'had his own small collection of approved and established authors. He played lawn tennis better than ho played tho piano, but that was merely fate. lie was quite a good- looking man and ho was perfectly .well aware of it. His Undo George was very different. Georgo Bartlett, in tho late forties, was «s ho had always been, rather hearty. He was rather boisterous and his hilarity was noisy. He could make a little joko go a very long way, especially if it happened to Jjo his own "joke. His roar of laughter was terrific and infectious. Aunt Lilian always laughed when Uncle Georgo did, pausing to inquire the cause when she was ablo to stop. Metaphorically George ,was a leg-puller. Literally ho was also a back-slapper and a rib-poker. Ho had Bufficiont and indapendent means to avoid "work and had never shown any inclina tion for it. Ha was a first-rate golfer and an enthusiast about gardening. Ho did not read very much except the Times newspaper, cared for no music which had not a definite tune in it, and had by no means an educated tasto in art. Aunt Lilian was, with modifications due to ses, very much a replica of him. They were a devoted, cliildloss couple. It was all vory lamentable. However, tho time of deliverance appeared to be at hand. Maurice was about to be admitted as partner in the firm of highly-respected solicitors with whom he bad been working for some years past. He had met Mildred several times and his choice had fallen upon her. He was grateful to his uncle and aunt who had brought him up from infancy, but ho looked forward with pleasure to having his own cultured household.' Some people look bad. Their villainy is obvious in their faces.- Socrates and Savonarola were both instances of this, except for the slight trouble that they were nbt villains. Some people, on the other hand, look good. Mildred looked better than any girl ever was or ever will be. She was probably quite good enough for practical purposes but not inclined to push the matter to extremes. So, though at first sight it seemed impossible to imagine her out of a stained-glass window, you were quite likely to find her frequently on the tennis-court. And on these occasions Maurico would not be very far off. Mildred lived with her sisters and hei widowed mother. Mr. Maurice Egsan nlways maintained that there was much that was very good and fine about Mildred's mother. At the same time he had to admit that she reacted Si little too quickly and excessively. She seemed always to be experiencing sorno extreme emotion for which there was no sufficient reason. So. though ho was on very friendiv terms with her, it did sometimes occur to him to be thankful that it was Mildred and not Mildred's mamma whom ho was seeking to marry. On a Saturday afternoon after a tennis party Mildred and Maurice walked back together to Tilverton. Their path took them through a wood carpeted with bluebells find spangled with sunlight. Maurice had after consideration, selected this time and place for his proposal; he was in all things a methodicl man. Mildred had seen it all coming about a month before and did not affect to be' surprised. She accepted him. They were supremely happy. It was agreed between them that on the following afternoon Maurico would call at the house and acquaint Mildred's mother with his honourable intentions. He had no fear of any repulse. He was well aware that tho old lady liked him and in fact he had taken great .pains to make her like him. So on Sunday afternoon Maurice, being suitably and beautifully attired, made his call. Tho house seemed to him to be strangely quiet and ho was shown into an empty drawing room. After a minute Mildred's mamma entered dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief. She shook his hand. "Do sit down, Maurice. This is too dreadfuL My poor boy! Oh, my poor , boy." . " Why, what's tho matter, Mrs. Bacon ? " asked Maurice. " There's nothing wrong with Mildred, is there ? " " She is heartbroken. I hope she'll get over it one day. I hope you will, too. I cannot think of anybody whom I would more gladly havo welcomed as a son-in-law, but for one thing. Il's not your fault It's not Mildred's fault. It is lust inscrutable fate You and she can never marry. It will bo far better if you never meet again." " But I don't follow at all. What is the' reason ? " " If you ever were to get married to her there would have to be tho usual advertisement in the Times and Morning Post." * "No doubt. I have no objection at all." "I see it has never occurred to yoa," \ ' said Mrs. Bacon. " Look at this." She opened tho black silk bag she was carrying and took from it an envelope on ;which was written in block lettering: " EGSAN-BACON.V '• Yol see," sho -said. " Eggs and lincon. I could never expose ray poor sensitive girl to that. I could never go through with it myself.. You would be known as tho eggs-and-bacon couple all over Tilverton. Laughter and ridicule r would meet you wherever you went. I could never face it. It is fortunate that I have realised the.disaster in time." " Really, jou know," said Mtfurice,. "I think you are taking this too seriously. I had riot noticed the coincidence about, tho names myself. Possibly a few silly people who liko jokes on names might make something of it, but in a fortnighf 5t would all be forgotten. Do cheer up, Mrs Bacon. ' " I shall not cheer up," said tho lady gloomily pnd finnly. " And lam not taking it too seriously. You havo no* spent a sleepless night with this joke as I have. You have not realised it The joko is not in good tasto—far from it—but it is just tho kind of joke which gets into every newspaper in tho Kingdom Eggs and bacon everywhere. Punch would certainly havo a paragraph, and quite possibly one of those funny pie tures. T ho publicity and the ridicule would simply kill me. lam a very sens ; tive woman, and it would stamp mo dowr into the earth. Dear Mildred would never wish that, nor would you." " Of course not. Certainly not. Still —" " Ono moment. That is not all. J cm not a superstitious woman, dear Maur ice. Relatives, who know me well, have spoken of me as hard-headed If you ask any of the tradesmen hero with whom 1 deal, thoy will tell you I am not to b<? done—and I think they've all tried it Still we must recognise that there is such a thing as fate. Personally there is nobody whom I could havo welcomed mora warmly for my dear Mildred. But this coincidence of surnames looks t<? mo » as if a hand were raised up in warning. It is as if I heard A voice telling me that this marriage, suitable and promising though it may seem—as in all other respects 't docs seem—was nono the less destined to prove a tragic alliance." " Corae. come, Mrs. Bacon," said Maur-■Ji»-.-#?%The alliance between eggs and » very frequent, and I have never ■i|. called tragic. On the contrary it welcome. But let mo have canhot be," Mrs. Bacon, poor boy when a brgak h»s to be

7--V4 , ■ - * > « - •* ■ A BHOET STORY.

• (COPYRIGHT.)

made, it is better to make it immediately without the agony of any final farewtsll. I have sent dear Mildred for a walk precisely in order that she should not meet you. You t>vo 'should not meet again. You may resent tliis now, but you will both live to thank-mo for it."

Maurice expended a few more cubic foet of warm air in polite argument, but in vain. Ho remained polite because, though he regretted the name coincidence, he could not possibly regard it as a bar, lo marriage, and it was just as well s to be polite to your future mother-in-law.

On his return to Uncle George's house lie found that Mildred bad taken advantage of her walk to leave a letter for him. lie thought it a beautiful letter. It contained passages dealing with such things as woods, bluebell.'*, ant. Maurice Egsan It seemed to him to bo perfect poetry. Hut as to the elderly and cynical those passages might appear ecftatic tripe, we will not quote them, but confine ourselves to what might, pei haps, bo called the business end of the letter.

"I suppose," wrote Mildred, ".you've heard mummy's ideas about slopping the marriage and so on. I don't think you should let it worry you much,, as 1 shall probably ..talk her out of it in the course of the next two or three days." Mrs. Bacon was a little sanguine in supposing that it would be possible to arrange that two people who lived within a-quarter of a mile of one another should not meet.. Maurice, obedient boy that he was, no longer called at Mrs. Bacon's house, but he and Mildred met frequently b> chance, and they always assisted chanco At tho end of threo days Mildred had to report that slio had made no impression on her mother whatever, and that eggs and bacon seemed to have vanished from the breakfast table. A ween later Mrs. Bacon was still obdurate, and, after discussion with Mildred, Maurice Egsan decided to take the step which would put everything right for everybody. It would definitely pievent. thai eggs and bacon joke from ever arising. Maurice addressed himself to his Uncle George one evening after dinner. " Tliere is a step, uncle," he said, " that I have long thought of taking, and I think the time has come, what with my approaching marriage and my approaching partnership, when I should take it. I have but the faintest recollections of my father and mother. I came to you when I was quite a child, and I should like to mako what amounts to a public recognition of all that you and Aunt Lilian ha\e done for me. In fact, I propose to change my name from Egsan to Bartlett. After all, it's only a question ot taking my mother's maiden name instead of my father's. Mildred is perfectly satisfied with the change. As far as the firm is concerned, I think tho title Bnggs, l!orrow and Bnrtlctt sounds much better than j Briggs, Borrow and Egsan. I should like your views about it." He had never mentioned eggs and bacon to Uncle George, knowing well that any jest which you mentioned to Uncle George would infallibly be repeated to the next twenty people that he happened to meet. " Well," said Undo George, " of course I take it as a great compliment. I don't want to force it on you because, after all your father didu't leave you a pauper and you've paid for all you had. But still; it does seem to me a friendly act, and it's very decent of you to have thought of it." On the dav that tho advertisement of the change "of name appeared in the daily papers. Maurice ventured to call at' Mrs. Bacon's house and was extremely well received by Mrs. Bacon, by Mildred and by her sisters. t " I need hardly say, my dear Maurice, said Mrs. Bacon, " that my objection is now absolutely- withdrawn. It was «u----ways painful to me to oppose, but my conscience forced me to it. I consider you have done a really noble thing. You have marked the beginning of your marriage to my daughter by a great act of self-abnegation. I can only ( Say that I shall appreciate it very much." As Maurice did not care . one halfpenny whether he was Maurice Bartlett or Maurice Egsan, the praise was slightly embarrassing. However, all ended well, lhrec weeks later the young couple were married. 1 lie bishop pei formed the ceremony, and the service was choral. Th 3 music did not include tho Wedding March. Maurice was far too superior, in the question of music, to like anything that Mendelssohn ever did. . The honeymoon, spent in Dorsetshire, lasted three weeks. It left them with the complete certainty that there had never been any love quite lik* their love, that there never had been lovers quite like themselves . . For some days they were engrossed in the arrangement and decoration of then iew house. Wedding presents bad to be suitably disposed, and they had been very fortunate in wedding presents For instance, they had only received threo pairs of fish-carvers, and most young couples receive more. The trial was with that section of tho wedding presents which professed to be ornamental. Maurico found some of these very terrible, and Mildred, who would have iiked them well enough a few weeks before, now ,found them very terrible also. She had absorbed the whole of Maurice's culture swiftly and without effort. There was, for instance, a miniature five-barred gate of wood painted White, bearing two photograph frames at grotesque angles. It had to go. Ihe distorted black china cat with a bow round its neck also had to go. . "These." said Maurico, aro, things that wo could not possibly livo with, but at the same time wo ihould bo careful to hurt nobody's feelings. If anybody who has bestowed one of' these monstrosities on us should call and should seem to look round tho room inquiringly, you can always say that in this small house wo cannot show all our beautiful things at once. That is, in fact, the actual practice of the Japaneso." But in a few days the house was ready. Mrs. Bacon, who was now eating eggs and bacon freely without ono tear in nor eye, approved it highly. Maurico was just beginning lo remember to address hot >is mother. Then ono afternoon Uncle George and Aunt Lilian arrived about tea-time. Uncle Georgo was more terribly jovial than ever. . , ~ T ,„ . „ "Maurice, my boy," ho said, 111 tell yon something that will really m&ke you and Mildred laugh. 1 can enjoy a joke as well as any man, but it docs not happen every day that I can make one tor mvself. 1 made this one not so long after your wedding. How it came to occur to mo I can't tell you. I suppose }t was just a natural sense of humour. At any rate, I happened to be thinking about your change of namo and the thought camo into my mind what would have happened if you had not changed it.' I doni t suppose that ever occurred to you. Well, cive me the back of an a bit of paper or something, and I'll show you. The advertisement of your wedding would have begun like this." TTe wrote on the envelope provided. Mildred now wore the expression of a tortured soul Maurico looked iron and adamant.

" I don't know if you see the point," Uncle Georgo went on geniallv, " kit. course,: Egsan-Bacon is practically eggs and baron. You oulv lust dodged it in time You'd have been tho ejzgs and bacon couple for the rest of your lives. ' :,: nn here laughed for nearly an hour over it. I was telling Rome men at tho r'ub about it this morning, and they '•Ann-ht it jolly good, too. It doesn't seem to amuse you verv much." " Well, well." said Maurice. " the idea had already occurred to me. Just a little, childish, don't you think ? " The narlonr-maid entered and announced that Mrs. Bacon Was in the drawing room. " 1 don't think I'd say anything about that joke to Mrs. Bacon. Uncle," said Maurice. " She is—er—sensitive."