LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXV, Issue 20028, 18 August 1928, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

BY MERCOTIO.

The Supremo Court is called on to consider all kinds of questions, so when that of New Zealand's annual consumption of powder-puffs came up a few days j)go neither Bench nor bar blenched. Wigs are still the correct wear in Court, but they arc no longer powdered; the knowledge that the wearers of these decorations had was not, therefore, personal or in-,me-diate. Fortunately the Court was not asked to give a, definite pronouncement on the point. Even the Government statistician, who delights in compiling all kinds of queer returns, would not have been of much assistance. The first line of approach should naturally be to assess the result on a population basis. Counting noses, in fact, seems an especially appropriate way of estimating how many powder-puffs the country needs in a year. But it only carries the calculation a very short way toward the goal. There remains the much more difficult question: how many powder-puffs are required by a nose in a year? Obviously much depends on the nose. It is hero that the tables of the statistician fall short. He cgnaot offer even an approximate average, nor offer an opinion whether a sharp nose wears out a powder-puff more quickly than cnc of the snub variety. After consideration, judge and witness agreed that •tihve&-quarters of a million puffs was rather moro than the united feminine noses of the community should need in a year. They let it go at that; wisely, most people will agree.

It, seems probable that a new chapter in the history of tho Waikato diocese Avill open in the near future.

The English League footballers, visiting Hclensvilie, had a cordial reception. This would have been even more pronounced had they gone to To Aroha, where tlio springs produce a natural cordial, thought worthy of bottling.

!An authority oa -wool, admitting that artificial silk has improved greatly in quality, says it stil! cannot- bo considered {is a serious competitor ■with wool. Perhaps not; hut in one article of fairly general wear, for which wool was once largely used, wool cannot now he held to compete seriously with silk, artificial or real. That is, stockings.

The Prime Minister lias publicly expressed a doubt whether the broadcasting of political speeches -would be to the benefit of party politics. It may be doubted equally whether it would be a, benefit to listeners, or to their receiving apparatus. Whenever there is a suggestion that something put on the air may be displeasing to some listeners, the answer, usually supposed to be conclusive, is that those who do not like it can always switch off, or de-plug or put down the earphones, or do what they do do to make the noise stop. This, is perfectly true,' but would.. bo no consolation t<> the ardent partisan who heard something with which he violently disagreed coming over the ether. It is equally true that anybody in attendance at a political meeting who hears from the speaker something he does not approve can always leave. So he can, but does he ? Not at all. Ho gets up and expresses his disagreement vocally, loudly, often raucously. As a rule, lie tries to shout the speaker down. Sometimes he emphasises bis point by throwing things. To some people ..doing this is the chief joy in attending political meetings. With a wireless speech there is no chance of making any impression on the speaker. If the listener switches off, the speech goes on just the same, and other people can hear it just as Tvell or as badly as they did before. The objector can only boil inwardly, therefore, which is not good for him, or take it out on his receiving apparatus, which would not be good for his set. There is one other recourse, which Mercutio hesitates to mention. He could make his set oscillate, and his valves howl, thereby interfering with reception bv his neighbours!' This is a breach of the regulations, and, anyway, there are enough howling valves already, without the number being added to deliberately. No, for the sake of the listener, as well as of parties, let controversial politics be kept off the air.

An enthusiast for the cause of tramping extols it is an aider and abettor of matrimony. Some of those who contemplate embracing the hobby, cult or occupation, will thank him for the information; others for the warning. The detached observer will nod his head sagely at this confirmation of his suspicion that there was more in this tramping business than mere enthusiasm for fresh air, the hills and the open road. There is a iiurnan and appropriate touch to the theory that the long tramp, perhaps hand in hand, over hill and dale, through valleys and across streams, should end finally at the altar; that, after facing the country road, the mountain path and the bush track together, a young couple should also agree to face life's highway in company. Considering, too, that trampers show a preference usually for the ways that are neither so frequented nor so smoothly paved as those the motorist chooses, they may realise early and easily that the course of true love never does run smooth. Finally, in face of the inroads, the motor and other means of locomotion are making into the ancient human habit of walking, tramping as a recreation can be classed as still worth tvhile, even if it does lead to matrimony, Or doubly worth while because it does—all according to the point of view.

" The line won't pay for axle-grease" is becoming a favourite expression fo use about railway lines that are not exactly favourites with those who speak in this "Way about them. The term, in fact, is not one of approbation. Now, while it sounds rjui(e well to those who agree With tlie general theory advanced by the tiser, it is really far too vague and general in nature to be of much practical Value in an argument. For instance, several questions at once occur to the open-minded student of railway finance. Do trains use axle-grease, and, if so, bow much ? What is the current price of axle-grease per gallon, drum or hun-dred-weight, as the case may be? Who applies the axle-grease? Does the job belong to the engine-driver, fireman, or cleaner, or is there a special squad of "axle-greasers to attend to this duty. If So, what is an axle-greaser paid, what annual leave does ho enjoy, and what are his superannuation privileges? Is there an Amalgamated Society of Axlegreasers, or do these people, if they exist, oolong to one of the better-known railWay societies ? Can a railwayman, beginning as an axle-greaser, always provided there are axle-greasers, climb this Slippery path and eventually become general manager ? These are only a few of the questions that simply crowd into the mind when it is said a line won't return axle-grease. The people who use it never amplify the phrase by answering any single one of them. But, then, they are usually politicians.