SHORT STORIES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXIII, Issue 19502, 4 December 1926, Page 3 (Supplement)

SHORT STORIES.

EXPLORING THE UNKNOWN. "The study of the occult sciences' interests me very much," remarked the newboarder. "I love to explore the dark depths of the mysterious, to delve into the regions of the unknown, to fathom the unfathomable, as it were, and to " "May I help you to some of this hash?" interrupted the landlady. HE WONDERED. With tears in her eyes and a wistful smile, the fair young thing clung to him as they stood on the platform. 'My darling," she cried, " piomise that you'll never forget all about me when you te away, arid that you'll write to mo from every town you stop at!" And as he gathered her into his arms, the debonair young man whispered in return: " Mary, tell me, is it love that makes you ask this, or merely a passion for stamp-collecting ?" THE " CHARLESTON." For sbme three weeks there had been dances held in the village hall, and a number of the hoiny-hanued sons of toil had become quite average dancers. " Hi,Jake." said one to a friend, " Oi cloaiv be seein' you down the dance-hall. Whoi ?"' "Ho, ho!" laughed the other. Me dance! No, Oi could never larn that!" And he laughed again. . " Doan be so sure," exclaimed the other. " It's very simple once you start. All you have to do is to keep turning round and round and wipin' your feet!' 1 THE TRAMP'S DIPLOMACY. He was one of Nature's gentlemen, was the tramp, and his charming smile was his only asset. " You look healthy enough," said the woman at the door. Why net try to earn an honest living?" " Appearances are deceptive," returned the other; and he smiled his wonder smile. "Might I add that you ago charming and beautiful enough to grace the films, yet evidently you prefer the simple life?" After a splendid meal, he raised his battered bat and took to the road once again. EXPEDIENCE TEACHES. An old and experienced actor had called on the manager who was advertising for a man to (ill a " heavy father" part. The manager, although he did not. like the looks of the actor, decided that he was suitable, and as he only wanted a small salary, engaged him on the spot. " What about a contract ?" queried the actor. " That's all right,'' replied this manager. " We'll have a verbal agneement." There came a look of mild tepnoacb into the old actor's eyes, and he spoke thoughtfully, very thoughtfully. " The last time I had a verbal agreement," he murmured, " I drew a verbal, salary!" ETIQUETTE FIRST. The country labourer and his eldest son> were spending a few days in London. One l evening the son became involved in in a« argument during dinner, with a man at the table opposite. Unfortu nately, both parties lost their tempera, and the son, in a moment of frenzy, picked up a table-knife, but hia father managed to hold him back. "Ain't you got no table manners?" asked the old man. " But, father," protested the other, " you heard what he called me?"". Yes," was >the reply. " But that':} no excuse for fwgitfcin' yer table manners. Put down that knife and go after him with yer fork!" TOM' TOOK THE HINT, Tom and Liazie were walking home along a lonely lane. They had been to market, and the youth carri'ed a young pig under One arm and a tub under the other. Suddenly Lizzie began to quicken h<ir pace. "Hey, whoi are yer runnin' away loike that?" called out Tom. 'I was afraid you might—might try to kiss me—or something, Tom," giggled •the girl, over her shoulder. "Whoi, ,'ow can A, wi' this 'ere pig and this 'ore tub under me arms?" "Well," faltered the girl, "I was afraid you might think o' puttin' the pig down and putting the tub over it,*' ACCOEBINCt TO PRINCifPLE. Old Farmer Tightwad was inclined to be mean. His big farm and,, a number of hands made economy a necessity. While repairing a large underground cistern, the farmer had the misfortune to fall in. ' Having always been a capable .swimmer, he was not «nduly alaimed, and managed to attract I6.is wife's attention. "John," she yelled down to him, " I',ll ring the dinner-bell so'a the' men can come in from the fields and pull you out!" H'm," said the other. " What's the time?'- " About eleven," answered his wife. " Eight. Don't bother to call them in; let 'en? work on I,ill dinner time and I'll swim round till they come," said the farmer. QUITE AS FAMOUS. " There don't appear to be any famous places round here," remarked the charabanc tourist to the guide. " .'ln the last village we stopped at there was a place where a man had lain in wij.it for his rival in love, and killed him with a fiendish gusto." The guide remembered the telling of this tale, and though he tried hard he could not think of anything to equal it. Suddenly, however, he had a bright idea. " That i« quite true, sir," he replied unblushingly. " But perhaps yon aren't aware that after executing the murderer, the victor escaped in this direction, and you are now standing on the very spot where he threw away the fiendish gusto!" " WOMAN'S WAY, Dick and Doris boarded the bus together. " Two," said Dick (to the conductor, and handed him two pennies. " No!" exclaimed Doris. " I'll pay my own farii!" And she fumbled with her purse. " Rubbish !" cried the other. "Two, please!" "No!" protested the girl, "1 will pay my own. Just- because I happened to get on the same bus as yon does not mean that yon must pay for me." Dick gave in. ,i Later, Doris met her friend. Alice, in the chemisit'a, and had a taiie for her. " Do you know," she said, " I believe Dick's getting meaner every day ? He even let me pav my own bus faro today!" THE " ANGEL'S " REVENGE. They had been married just long enough for him to realise that her cooking .did not equal his mothers. One moilrut» he happened to mention this - in , tPaf ] wife was a modern woman, and, instea. of weeping, she made a fresh cake al legal to be equal to anything hod e%er had before- ~ "Arize!!" he cried upon tasting it, " this ' is superb—just like mother s What a luckv man i am to have married such a wonderful girl! Telll me how you happened to hit on tho recipe. " It\ no great secret,' answered his angel wife, a glitter in her «y«- 1 used margarine instead of butter, watered the milk, and dropped a chunk oi alum in this floor!"