LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXIII, Issue 19388, 24 July 1926, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

BY MKRCDTIO.

A complete demonstration of man's control over the forces of nature, or at least some of them, was given bv last Saturday's little event up at the Arapuni (iorge. Centuries and centuries ago the Waik uto River abandoned the channel through which it then ran. The old water course was simply discarded, like you would dump in the rubbish bin the old pair of trousers,' once fashionable, but now too disreputable to wear even in the back garden on Sunday morning when you plant early potatoes instead of going to church. Its day was done. So the Waikato invested itself in a brand new channel, a gorgeous new channel in fact. It ran that way for years and years and years; the great events of history came to pass and faded into distant memories, but still the river rolled through that deep cleft, on its way to the sea. Captain Cook came sailing down this way. but the river rolled on with never a change in its settled policy. The British (lag was planted on these shores, presently the tide of war flowed over the land, but still the old order ran at Arapuni. Governments rose and Governments fell, but the river rolled on. So long settled a policy might seem incapable of variation; but the engineers have changed all that. They have decided that willy-nilly the river must go back to the poor old discarded channel thrown on the scrap-heap centuries before. They have not quite made the transformation yet, but Saturday's bit of byplay with the diversion tunnel—rather & serious sort of diversion incidentally—shows that when they say the river must go back to the old channel, go back it will, and that will be the end of the matter.

Quite a number of people have been having a delightful time arguing about the British trade slogan, " British goods are best," that used once to decorate the letiers John Bull sent abroad, but now adorn the envelopes no longer. At first the discussion mattered little; but since the Chamber of Commerce entered, it lias taken quite another complexion. For the Chamber of Commerce is not to be trifled with when it expresses its views. Anyway the pleasantest explanation suggested is that the words were withdrawn on the suggestion of British Rotary, lest ill will should be engendered abroad. There is something to be said for that; because the mere fact that British goods are best makes it very galling for a Patagonian or a Uruguayan to read the statement on his mail at breakfast time; a Czecho-Slovakian would be fully justified in growing quite annoyed about it. Very well; it is agreed the words were abolished for the sake of foreign susceptibilities, especially, everyone seems to agree, American. If British Rotary was responsible, American Rotary ought to reciprocate. It is the essence of Rotary that the good deeds should go round. Now what can American Rotary do? They might persuade the American Government to put " American goods are best" on all correspondence, so as to have, the chance of urging their removal But that would be too roundabout for Rotary. Meantime, while they are trying to think up something else, they might put Senator Borah in a bag and' keep him there. Anyone who doesn't know why is recommended to study the cables for a while.

A vessel, delayed in her voyage so long that food stocks were running short, put in the other day to provision at Waipiro Bay. If names go for anything, the choice of a port was not happy. The crew was, presumably, hungry, in which case Waipiro Bay was not necessarily the best place for relief. Of course, if thirst had been the trouble—but that is another story.

A heading " King's New Head," appearing in the news the other day, might hiive seemed a reference to the new stamps just issued by the New Zealand Post Office. The King's head appearing on them might bo termed new, in that it resembles no other presentment of His Majesty ever seen anywhere else. As a matter of fact nothing of the kind was intended. It was merely the introduction of an article about the distinguished scholar chosen as the new headmaster of' King's College.

A bewildered citizen haled up the other day and charged with smoking in the vicinity of a garage where benzine might have been ignited, pleaded that while his pipe was between his teeth it was not alight. He got away with it too, for the charge was dismissed. It is very reminiscent of the old story of the workman accused of smoking on the job when such indulgence was forbidden. He said he was not smoking. " But your pipe is in your mouth," said the stern voice of authority. "My boots are on my feet, but I'm not walking," retorted the mas ter logician. He, too, got away with the plea.

A few days ago a large number of publicans appeared in court charged, under the Safe of Food and Drugs Act, with selling adulterated whisky. It will please all parties to discover this statute as the authority for the proceedings. Those who believe whisky to be a food can say, ''l told you so," but the others can point significantly to the word "drugs" in proof of their own beliefs and assertions. But that is not the whole point. Water was the adulterant alleged to have been added in every instance. Here there is room for another dispute. There are people who say that to add water to whisky is to spoil it. They will be triumphant. To other people the idea that water is an adulterant of whisky, will be too tragic to seem amusing. But still the whole point has not appeared. In the of the Herald containing the story of the court cases was a cabled item in "which the chairman of a whisky firm of renown told the shareholders that the consumption of the spirit the firm distilled was growing smaller and steadily Jess. A clear case, surely, of cause and effect appearing side fcv side.

The advertising section o? the Railway Department goes from great things to greater. In granting permission to the Mount Albert Borough Council to use certain ground for ornamental plots, it stipulates that no trees or shrubs shall be planted to obscure the advertisement hoardings already there. Napoleonic iriconcention, that stroke! But what the plain man will want to know is, how the plots can be ornamental if that condition is to be observed. Borne day, perhaps, the Railwiy Department may allow somebody to build a bathing-shed on some waterfront property it may chance to own, the sole condition being that nobody shall be allowed to bathe in that vicinity. It may have been noticed that the plan of the new Auckland Railway Station published the other day showed an ornamental plot as the main feature of the

approach to it. But what are the ornaments to be? Hoardings? As the department seems nt present to be cherishing a passion for them above all other things, there is cause to fear it will be

so.* Surely some of Auckland's art authorities can persuade the department that the emotions conjured up by these specimens are hot at nil the emotions supposed to b< ; inspired by genuine works of art; quite the contrary, m fact.