MARRIAGE.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXII, Issue 19193, 5 December 1925, Page 1 (Supplement)

MARRIAGE.

A CRUSTY SCOT'S ADVICE.

Br JOHN CIIAWFOHD.

Scene.—An outward-bound tramcar on a recent afternoon. Entpr a young man in the early twenties, who, seeing an acquaintance in an elderly man of the world, went forward and sat down beside him. ,

Chance had placed me in close proximity, and having always regarded conversations carried on in public places as common property, I listened without compunction.

After exchanging a few commonplaces in which the weather occupied a prominent place, the younger man, whom I had mentally designated the Optimistic Youth, mentioned with carefully assumed, hut very palpable nonchalance, that he was about to get married.

His companion, who evidently hailed from North of the Tweed, and for lack of a Letter name shall be known as the Crusty Bachelor, put on a you-have-two-months-to-live-in air and dealt out some very unpalatable advice. The End o' a' Guid Men. The Crusty Bachelor: "Merrit; hoots, ma boy! That's aye the end o' a' guifl men. They live, enjoy life, get merrit, an' dee. The immortal hankering after happiness hits us a' in sae jnony different places. Some tak tae caird playing, ithers tae drink, while some get merrit; though mind ye, like ma'scl, there's a few nane o' thase things an' so are happy." The Optimistic Youth: "But surely where there is love there can be happy marriage ?" The Crusty Bachelor: "Well, aye, that's if love stauns, but ye're ovver young tae ken ye're ain he'rt an' hae m'ybe misyer feel in'. Onywav, Uqo can ye, wha hae nae doot been in love an oot agen a dizzen times, imagine that love can staun ? Mind ye, I widna' be rash enough tae deny the delichts o' something I hivna observed—merriage wi la"Stin" love. Onyway, that happy state, if it exists at a', is so rare it needna concern us." The Eight Woman. The Optimistic Youth: "Even if love does not last, if you get the right woman, your predestined mate—" The Crusty Bachelor: "Richt wumman! Hae ye no met her a dizzen times a'ready. They're a' the same. I've met yin or twa in ma young days. I wis nae 'Holy Wullic,' an'' had ma heid turned mony a time by a bonnie lass. The mystic union of souls that were born for yin anither is a' nonsense. The notion that Providence maks an ideal mate for each man an* wumman is an' awfu' thocht. I'm shair Providence h's ither wark tae dao. Onyway, the perfect mate o' yer Auckland lassie mieht be a hairy Cossack frae Ukrainia, an' I dinna think there's muckle chance V their iver meetin' ! Tak' my tip, laddie, this ideal wumman business is ail imaginitis."

Punch's Advice. The Optimistic Youth: "But you have ignored the other side. Could not a good deal be said for marriage ?" The Crusty Bache'or: Wee), avc, a wheen o greetia weans an' a wife wha's lost her youth that ties ve doon tae the vin place an' keeps yer nose tae the grindstane for the rest o' yer life. For a' ye can say, it can't be compared wi' the freedom an' contentment o' bachelorhood. Merriage aye pits me in mind o' the Biblical story o' Adam an' Eve on their way oot o' the Garden o' Eden. Ma laddie, the advice I wad gie ye is born o' a' considerable experience, an' is a' summed up in Punch's ' Don't.' At best it's no' an unmixed blessin', an' is nearly aye a rank failure. Eve made Adam miserable, an' wimmen have followed her example ever since. If yer determination is tae staun, at least step canny. Get tae ken her ain self, see her at liame. Tak' note o' hoo she treats her mither, an' whit she's like withoot her powder an' braw claes. Tak' a luke in when she's staunin' fewer the washtub. Study the mither, an' if there's onything in her ye dinna tak' tae, drap the dochter. The mither wis jist such anither bonnio wee thing aboot twinty years ago." The Optimistic Youth: "But why should marriage be a failure?" The Crusty Bachelor: All! that's vin o' the unexplained perversities o' the scheme o' things. Merriago itseP dis'na mak' twa folk yin. Common sense or common arithmetic should show the absurdity o' trying to mak' twa go intae yin. Happy merriages are maistly a dream, an' like a' dreams never come true. 'Deed, aye! as things are merriage is the greatest source o' human sufferin', it mak's love dee an' is followed \'i cauld reason an dour doot. Although ye xnicht think, the 1100, that ve'll want tae dae the Sir Wattie Raleigh act for the rest o' yer life, the intimacy that aye follows merriage rubs the lacquer off. Maybe if the mutual desire tae please an' attract as ye would in your coortin' day were tae be continued the result micht be a rnair happy yin." Going to Risk It.

Here the optimistic youth seemed to have nothing in particular to reply, hut said at length,-without much conviction, that he was going to risk it. Whereon with an air of resignation to the inevitable, the crusty bachelor replied: "Weel, weel, ma laddie, gang yer aTn gait; ye're 110 the first, tae mak that, mistake, if that's ony consolation, but I'll wager in a year's time frae now ye'll agree wi' me." At this point the tram arrived at my stop, and the rest was lost. But when indulging in a little moralising I've often wondered if this dialogue, is not typical of us all in idealistic youth and in disillusioned age, and which point of view is the right one. Although I'm all for the optimistic youth, I fear they aro both wrong; that there must be a happy mean and that the middle course is the right one.