LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXI, Issue 18629, 9 February 1924, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

! . BY MKRCCTtO. I " "; Into the welter of controversy about ■# 4 dental school comes a doctor, full of confidence, to prove that scholastic em- ':-'- £ pncy can never be as great, in Auckland - ■>•' j n the salubrious south, because of ■* fth dreadful, enervating northern climate. r This is very sad. A scientific investinfion made some years ago, ho said, ' : Irtived that only in Dunedin was a ; iaimuni of mental and physical effort pocsibla Canterbury was noC so bad, but the North Island Mas put very low, * Bear me, very low indeed ! How appalling ! -And these stupid North Islanders won't recognise the fact. In •cholastic or physical competition -with the south, where the dice are not loaded against them, they manage to do very veil. But that is only their ignorance, . c f course. If they had been educated m Dunedin they would know this was ,11 wrong, and would give up pitting themselves against supermen, trained gmid snow and ice to lead New Zealand fa all the arts and sciences, in everything calling for the most strenuous exercise e f brain or brawn. But why, if all this is «o, docs not Duncdir. eschew such thincs as Government aid or careful protection against competition? Why (0 afraid of Che rivalry of the poor, pallid, enervated creatures of the north ? There must have been something wrong with idHhat scientific investigation. Perhaps v j'tie investigators fell victims to (lie Auck- '' land climate. Anyway, science has made immense strides since then, and a new test might produce very different results. The Forestry Department has discovered »' jat white pine, or kahikatea wood, makes excellent match sticks. If this had been known some years ago, the manufacture pi safety matches might have continued in "Wellington, instead of the plant being transferred to Melbourne. That is to v, when they were making wooden match*?, in Wellington no one knew white pine was suitable for match sticks. £cw everyone knows it is. Therefore steps maybe taken to recommence match making of that kind in Wellington. By rbat time, what, with the dwindling supply end the increasing consumption, there will be no white pine for making the match Sticks. Then the operations will cease again. Later, someone will find that another timber would do just as well. Then operations will be recommenced. By that time the other timber will be all cut ont. So they will stop making matches. It is a great 'business, this co-ordinating of science and industry. If only someone mould decide that gorse twigs _or blackberry vines were suitable material for the purpose, there might be continuous progress. .A correspondent, who neglected to sign H* name, has written in with the following brief and pathetic qutry, " Has ' Mercntio' ever put himself out of his way to say anything nice about Scotland or her people ?" The an? sex of course must be emphatically "No." It would not be putting himself out of his way- to say zxe things about them. It would be the most natural action in the world. Since the harmlessly intended chaff In which " Mercutio" occasionally indulges at the expense of the Scot has produced this reaction, it becomes necessary to explain that such : persiflage can only be used to--4 ward a people whom the writer regards jskwiih the utmost esteem and affection. ■'-■ Has "- Mercutio " >va» been-found trying to crack a joke about the national characteristics of the gentle German, for instance He has not, a circumstance from which the anonymous one might deduce something if; he set himself to ponder it earnestly. The fact of this question having come in this form brings a temptation to conclude that somewhere in the community there lurks that rarest of creatures, a Scot without humour. The only evidence to the contrary is that the note, consisting of. one short sentence, was written on a double sheet of handmade note paper. So either this was done deliberately as a disguise, or ■ the writer was not a Soot at all.

, At? the appropriate time, the community was respectfully wished a Happy New Year in this column. Now it teems it is necessary to repeat the greeting, for the Chine? o New Year fell during the week just ended. Well, tho Chinese living in our midst are mostly peaceful, industrious and law-abiding citizens, with good deeds and evidences of generosity to their credit. Witness their periodic »ad handsome gifts to the public hospital. Therefore, they should be wished a Happy New Year and so they are. But what i? their conventional reply? It can hardly be "the same to you," for tfliit comes too late. It must surely be *Yes, we have no bananas."

r'A tall old poplar tree, 13ft. in girth, which has long been a landmark in Christchinch, is being removed. Experts say it is hollow. Another portion of the fOrest on which Canterbury based its claim to tho Forestry School gone! Like tha claim, hollow, too.

'■■. The moratorium, which has brooded so \fpr- long, and some say benignly, .over certain ', Apartments of finance in this country, is due to ecpire at the end of this Jtxs. Already anxious people are asking for a reprieve. They quite forget that *[?. Moratorium is so old a friend that if his visit is prolonged any further it will bs necessary to call him Morry, and adopt him formally into the family.

'There is; a vigilant senfinel watching ever the good of Britain and the Empire, though few people realise the presence of fhis good angel. When the Dominion Prime Ministers were in London for the Imperial Conference, their sartorial deficiencies were noted, more in sorrow than i" anger. Mr. Bruce, of Australia, received qualified approval. Mr. Mackenzie King Was reproached plaintively. On the devoted head of New Zealand's own Mr. Massey were poured the vials of wrath; while General Smuts was even more severely mauled. Now the new Government in Britain has been passed in review, the Ministers being solemnly Warned to eschew baggy trousers and *«de sleeves, lest they fall a prey to revolutionary passions. It is "very thrilling and very important. Mr. Baldwin, it seems, blasted his political career by attending a cricket match Rearing a lounge suit and a shabby hat. Why was he not told about this in time? po the clothes make the man, the political man at all events. Now, if at the 'next election "Mercutio" invested in a •ilk hat arid a morninjr suit, and went to ww thfi electors of Citv Central, what. *ould happen' Many things, and all of them well deserved too ! This in despite •j the views expressed bv the Tailor and Gutter.

'Helping to fight a grass fire, Mr. R. gcCallum, former member for Wairau, tried to beat flcjne with flame, and burn Wit a fire break. He had evidently been studying the work.? of Fenimore Cooper , J»th some care. But lie did not allow (jl xor the wind, with the result that his ••.party were soon in danger of being caught between two fires. These devices of 10mantic fiction do not always apply well, because the romancer, not" being a textfipok writer, often omits some essential rleg»- Mr. McCallum gave up his bright idea, arid applied a wet sack "with vigour *? the flames. Another convert from Wmance to drab reality.