ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume L, Issue 15252, 15 March 1913, Page 7 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

|£ ; you been!" " Stopped mi SJlßfjift-t-ase to get a drink." ■ "John, gHg _**.flEStgot as bad as that at..» publictil :, been to a . brewery ! " ' I'l' J, gjggy : " Ya-as, I don't deny that il China maniac. I thought you knew if Maude." Miss Maude: "I '■*$ | tott were something of a maniac, i| ■ fßjjrt but I didn't know what kind-" ill i*Jbfcß,** *-"* a * atner *° I" 80n ne .. ' v*jL -jrh«n he caught him shaving down Sp» OPP* 1 " ( * ont ' tnrow your ana vII ' •-:Sirtiter, where there are any bare-footed II ■■■ TSfaboiit, or they might get their feet Jgid!" __ * _____ ' • fDaa't you think it absurd to speak H if van M being made of dust, doctor? " ->1 "■■■: 'ytfc frfylr the term more appropriate to V tffo" " And why ? " " They cause such - -»|btof trouble when they get into a felYoung Man (whispering to jeweller): m. ISaHitt engagement-ring I bought of you ft ' jgrienifty— Jeweller : " What's the 9: -i-lß*** **& it! Didn't it fit?" Young ! /"^' (cautiously) : " 'Sh ! It. didn't have ■ i ferSjf"** s - Gimme studs for it." M '"■%'■:. % gentleman was sorely out of patience |1 'Mmgfitum blunder of his new groom. If f'took here," ho cried in his anger, "I ft tpl«»*t have things done in this way ! Do 11 £#■« ■ think I'm a fool?" *« Shure" sorr," { \&s& &°° m > "Oi can eay,, sorr. Oi - Kpkcame here yesterday." ;/ ICm Daisy Irving, writing in Theatre--|»wJ, Mys one of the funniest letters ever ,-V? *si to her was f rom a little girl, and Be•—•*'Dear Miss Irving,—l do love you la. Will you send me a picture postcard? '■ J think you are so like my mother. She SjltJK * * ,|a * o asylum." -' An Englishman who was spending his BSMoer holidays in America last year. ,';' fesppoung to take up a book on geography • ,"ft the use of schools," saw the follow- ■"!>"_£ question and linswer :—■" Where is i M;j6p*M,J" "It is the chief town of a I; mutt island off the coast of France." | father: "Mabel, you might give that • *?f|ipaff man who comes to see you in the 5 #|lop_gß a message." Mabel (blushing) ; I "7«, father.'* Father: "Tell him that !-. j»"t» got no objection to him running up i mmltP* -bills, but we'd rather he didn't * p«my:aw»y the morning paper when he jtfret.** Buaday-school teacher: "And .when ftt prodigal son came home, what hapMMd, Tommy " Tommy : "His.father Sari himself." Sunday-school teacher: ' * Why, where did you N hear that?" Tommy. "It is eaid his father ran and I *-00jlm '• *"" i"***- : 11l bet it would ' hurt ~ p f(« to fall on your neck." 1: I Printer: "The report of that.assault I Hi battery caw lacks seven lines ,of fill- | *:M $• column, air." Editor : " H'm! 1 ; -Warn many times do the words 'man,' § *mmm,' * stranger,' or -* bystander ' h I eeeor?" Printer (after counting) : "Thirty- j I ;^W|B^tiß_i. r Editor:,...- "Good! ■ Just 1 I • MR* the words 'weU-dreased' before each i ' - • I-' ' ———— 1 m stranger entered an M'Wgg&l- -"'Where's the '■ bar?" - he asked, of V a ift'Who ' was ' standing . at';, the ■, door, 1 kwkind of bar?" asked the latter. «£|jPP>f» * liquor bar, of course. What ■ ' W'T* * b PP°» I ; mean?" "Well," i I MP 11 ' 1 : Pat. with a twinkle, "I didn't ■ : bufc what yon might mean a bar of 1 gMga (to jury, who had been locked ■. I- : ■■»»*'*■*• y OOI I * B * upon a ▼erdict? I Br prisoner guilty or not guilty of I' * BS__L- as charged in •:■ **»•■' indictment?" , I "W f & lm '• "We have not yei reached a i IMP*' my loni ' : ' : 1 :: ' ; H" B ** l my pocket-' fe ffjSm* little time ago, and I■■ would re- ' X |||jyfa%r >/ that each juror; be ; '* »fiSfi^ '- 4''P w,n '"; ,ie - said when he TmfEWf* 11 **' toe attention ■of ", the'• editor.' affflP** sir, that, pigeon-hole is filled i •■^ißfi|* u, awaiting publication." " But" i'^S^^ff 3^* ' the virtues of the Ache lM|«i I will pay five shillings a . KM* have it printed," said the author. :,; : . I'm .. glad to see yon S : 'llflpylWßr. attention to verse. ; I wish all i #S- " , . ~ ' " ?^f_l** wr her sitting in the dark corner, \ tti: itttw . that his chance ' had come, he stole up behind her, and ''■■;^&p& Jbefore she was aware of his presr .-had 1 - her. "How'dare r g MM** »ha shrieked, delighted. "You ft raSaF ; - : yon!" ,"Pardon: me,", •he l 'i readily, stepping otit into the | j2p|[K%s*'l thought you were my sister." I -M'S¥f m sflly idiot," she snapped, stepping •:•;':% the light beside him, "I am !" ' **