ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLVII, Issue 14525, 12 November 1910, Page 7 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

- :; ■ "'-' - "" — ~...--■..:. - „ B«bw : " Shall Igo over your face - '*?. The Patron: "Yes, if there's any , twice. V ; JcfU" ... , p. " : '.' \ philoaopher is one who talk other ' \ people that their trouble don't amount to -■';? •!''■ ■ muck ■ ■-' "How do you suppose the fires of ro- -'* vJc* are kindled?" "I should judge by _.':■; Jove matches." ■ > • ,r>.'c' you weep your room, Bridget?" 'J«f&k. a"' l did * mum - If yez dont •■ be 1 'jpeiae, look .under the bed." SSO (complaining]}-) : "You said I had >; *'» silvery voice before we were married." « He: "Well, I admit it's metallic still." «\ T © I can never be your wife." " hat? An/1 "never to be known as the husband / $ the beautiful Mrs. Smith?" She suc- : >- combed. ■ . "' Vjs Young: "I want to get a divorce ' from mv husband." Lawyer: "What are - «wr charges?" Mrs. xoung: "My .; charges?' Mercy! I thought I'd have to pay ;. ' 'you.' ' irishman (as someone knocks at hie door): ,v Shore, if I don't answer it's some wan to give me a job, an* if I do it's the , / - landlord, after the rint," ; . v - Mis.' Newly: "Don't you like my new jk dearest Newly: Yes, it's all . right." Mrs. Newly: ""Well, I bought it . -ofyear account, dear!" Newly: "Yes, you , usually •'do." . "Oh, mamma, I'm to travel with Edgar \ in Bgypt~the land of the pyramids and ; hieroglyptiics'" "Well, dear, remember I :?.'can't have you bringing any of those things *'tonne with, you." ,"..'■' "I don't like your heart's action," the *= doctor said, applying the stethoscope again. "Yon have had some some trouble with f'-mgina pectoris." "You're partly right, ''-'- ioctor," said the young man, sheepishly; "only that ain't her name." P "Why dm't you get a motor?" "I ■ jpn'fc knor whether I could- manage one " or not." "That's not much of an argument ■ment You took the same chance, didn't ... - ypn r when you acquired a wife V " Yes ; that's what" makes me so jolly careful." -pvJA,a, old gentleman accustomed to walk -."/-:Mound St. James's Park every day was V ; once asked by a friend if he still took his usual walk. "No, sir," replied the old :'. jnan, " I canno* do as much now. I cannot get-around the park. I ee&y go half Tray around and back again." ; "Father!" "Well, what is it?" "It M'!> '■• says here 'A man is known by-the company ■ :>;■ • he" keeps.'- Is that so, fatter "Yes, , \ yes, yes " "Well, father, if a good man if- keeps company.with a bad man, is the good man bad because he keeps company with 5J£. , the bed man; and is the bad man good ;.C because he keeps company with the good B man?' 1 ' A gentleman who was seated behind a |? negro in a tramcar in Memphis vouches for i : - - tins yarn. -All the seats were taken when j:- a neatly-dressed young negress, evidently | a lady's maid, entered the car. Hie negro |. row with a polite bow and offered her his seat "I hate to deprive you, eah," she said, as she took it. "IDoan' mention it, !.- miss," replied the swarthy Chesterfield 'it ain't no depravity." The Real Thing: Fred, aged five, had been naughty boy, ; and his mother had :-'- ; punished butt. He felt very much hurt ; and complained to Iris auntie about' his | ; mamma's spanking :him. Auntie said I ■ v,"lt's npt you that mamma spanks, but a : $)00itifi devil inside of yda who makes you do sK '-naughty things." ; After sitting very still H ...':'for five minutes, he said: "It beats ail - . . . how it hurts when, that little devil gets Hjz spanked.'*' 'H, .-" v 'f. M I A group of hob*** waiting for their cof£*s■:, fee to boil in a tomato can* were telling >" -_ of their, hard luck experiences. "I've had : worse luck than anybody/' said one of them • --j caallengingly, after, li&arine "to the others' |;.'f-- tales of woe. "Once I had to sleep from < % . .WiDcesbarre to Perth Amhoy on top of a i._ flat car: leaded with hard coal. And what W- ; do you think,'* he went on., "Every cm? %ij 'on the next train that pulled in from the ' : «same direction was loaded with soft coaL" ■■ *, -.'A little girl, wliose father was a comraer--5 ctai' traveller, sal on the porch holding a 3 kitten in her arms and doing her little best I 'to eirbertain it with a lively- string of rfe chatter. A thoughtful pause caused : i . her mother, who was sitting behind her, 1,. to,pay some attention to what was coming next. " Kitty," said the young miss, " I \ knpw; all your little brotbem and sisters, I an' I know your mamma; but I ain't never I seen your papa; I spec he must be a tra- ; Teller." I V : After spending an evening with convivial I friends, the head of the family entered the 'if house as.quietly as he could, turned up the. I reading hght in the library, and settled j- himself as if perusing a massive leather- \ volume. Presently his wife entered 'Ml the room, as he knew she would, and asked 'Jhatae was doing. "Oh." he replied, "I uidnt feel like turning in when I first ~ . came home, and I've been spending an / , ftqjir reading some favourite passages from ;,,,-;: tiJs sterhng old work." " Well,"- said hie yi ■■ : -Me, * it's getting late now. Shut Up the ,:■■•■. ; t.'Miss and come-to bed." ■■'•.' ■ — 'A nice story has lately been told by a gorier, at one of the East End settlements '. - ™ e 4 1 °n with the funeral of a man who • V worked at the docks. On the- way back *not The funeral the widow, with her sup- -- -Er and friends, stopped at a public- ' 0186 for refreshment. Gin was the chosen £. rul^ 6 best suited to the occasion, and a ». quantity of the transparent fluid . was poured into the widow's glass. "How I ,-wWryfart- asked the generous donor. - • 'SI V ,' m ' mit cei 11 t0 lift her face SJ ler handkerchief. " Water 7" she - 'IrS?; ■i? rater? ' Good heavens ! Ain't A got trouble eaough as it is ?" ' '■ , ■ ." ", *> ' S;' See here!" exclaimed the fair maid, J"*«»y. "this is the third time you m'* PfOposed to Didn't I tell you ' - ' : U i^' tune not to do it again?" " Y-yes,. *£ £*?* you did '" stammered the per-Mnentr-young man ; in the parlour scene. ; , Sit," 1 h - f °rgot." "Oh, you forgot, J P; sue sneered. "Well, I'm going to ' '*£. y -S- U a lesson that you won't forget I,A .. rou 4 have proposed to me for the , Ja»t titne." " Whv," he queried, after -iS, tanner of his kind, "what arc you gg w do?" "I'm going to accept V '!l3*s ■;• ,° «Plied. "That's what I'm go--J-2 to; do." fa '■'•"' ifll! 7 * 11 ' John " said Mr. Lovelong to the agSgN* brother of his fiancee, "you n J bubs your sister when I take her away, ■•■*£&??;£* *; " Um ' y es '" said J^y: \fs-r' "i will-give- you a penny," said ii.^f Io W "if you will tell me what ; ■ »W 168 her most for." "I guess it ■ : Jofc* «B, nnies she gives °»e," relied t- i Saad Lovelong, who ex- " fialtW some «ncomniums of his g°° d »» Ure> "bat does she give S 'IBKEP{?F to touch her front '&S en + 8116 ¥* curle <i it and left it on %^*Sr.^ovelcm : g 6aJd John to the astoll - ! Wd P fe n^°° Se^ erries ' and other fruits 1 l^; Sv 3P eared J with mysterious regu--SSiIS^ a ana one evening " ; "S> S V ? red one of the culprits! '~ ;! -'^^S er ? 8 J amon g the cu^rent • - and &LI age lad of ten or thereabouts, S^ Jawate of his approach until bid f,m» ' Iv^t 1111 all cbanc-e •oi: escape ' ; -->W ' OwSJr' : - f W ', y° un g man '" sa^ you .oS', tn r phantl y- " wh& t have for yourself But there *£wered °? his fa <* as he ' - 'mi *it\ i 3 ' 6 ', Slr ' has te Been any-|4^-?T^& cl ft red indyrubberibalir'-