THE CLUB EPIDEMIC.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLVII, Issue 14507, 22 October 1910, Page 1 (Supplement)

THE CLUB EPIDEMIC.

BT MBS. LEO. MTEBS, Among the many mysteries of this game of life, not the least is the existence and multiplicity of clubs, leagues, unions, fraternities, and " sich like." Auckland, for its population, has bred more "societies" to the square inch than statesman in high and mighty places. I wonder why this is so? The query fascinates.: so let us dally with it a while.

Now this group idea, this impulse to band together with concentrated and concerted energies in the pursuit of a fixed idea and the attainment of a desired end, is probably a basic force in human progress. It is as old as savagery and as sociable Like links itself to like, and opposes that which is unlike —except in matrimony, which works t'other way, remaining through centuries a condition, unprobed and unassailable. Is it not so, my masters?

Somehow, it seems to me that in the >arly twilight of human society, longlaired, scantily-clad men with club and spear, drew together from pure affinity md an instinct for protection : it was ,ho strong human impulse of brotherhood. To-day, their short-haired, cloth-clothed lescendants, with pipe and glass, congregate in order to escape from an uncongenial environment to another which is more or less so—all fleeing from that stalking spectre, "Ennui;" all chasing that will o' the wisp, that elusive jade who masquerades as Happiness. . . • Men and women cluster in groups and assemblages that monotony may be laid low, and the dull tools of a daily routine be exchanged for shining baubles. To trace the source and development of ;his club cult is not my intention or scope. In the first place, it calls for no md of research for me and no end of boredom for you. _ Let us spare one mother and merely flirt —as it were with he fair face of the topic. You see, I can Jius adroitly evade the learned and the Historically correct reader, as well as lodgo a ''letter to the editor that fust md last resort of the critical crank and hie cousins, Johnnie Wise and Nora Knowall. I believe it was Samuel Johnson, that, intensely human human, who inspired and galvanised the group idea, sounding a new note in social intercourse, and stamping it with his descriptive adjective by coining the word " Clubbable," which we modems make use of in illuminating moments. But in the Johnsonian eye club life was associated with full tankards and heavy foods encircled in lowering clouds of tobacco smoke and much good talk of Boswellian worth. Hear him wake the echoes with that strong personal emphasis which so distinguished him : " No, sir! There is nothing which has as yet been contrived by man by which so much happiness has been produced as by a good tavern." This fashion of food and drink to promote sociability has come down to us through the aces, and will remain as permanent as the modern complimentary dinner or the function of afternoon tea. And yet, it is possible, and indeed desirable, to carry on this association idea, this combination of talk and thought and pastime," without gratifying the appetite. As an example, there was, contemporary with Johnson, that self-made American of hi Mi mind and sterling character, Benjamin Franklin, labelled the " best all-round educated man America has produced." Franklin, among many civic and commercial activities, founded the " Junto Club," which, beginning with 12 membersall journalists and printers—implanted in each the health habit, the study habit, tho work habit, culminating in successful and distinguished careers. So it is that a" cherished idea—-a vague ideal germinating in a- man's mind, and cast on the screen of his consciousness, reaches fortli and communicates itself to its kind. ... A score of others declare that it is the very thing they were thinking of—the thought that, had come between them and their sleep for many a night. They meet and muse, confer, dispute, deliberate, and finally unite themselves under some splendid sounding name —a name of radiant ideals and of jocund promise—and thus a club, a society, a fraternity, is launched. The thing nvj£t. supply a strong human need, else would there bo fewer associations. They come so easily and so naturally. We work best in groups. We need stimuli and an audience. We need to touch hands, rub elbows, and exchange ideas. If, for instance, you are fond of apples, and have read in the " Health Hint column of a penny paper that the apple is the King of Fruits, essential to bodily well-being; that the eating it purifies the blood, stimulates the nerves, brightens the eye, and works wonders all over you— you cannot rest until you have handed the theory 'round among your friends— and one winter's night, 'round a bright fire, " Tfye Apple Club'' is born. . . . Members pledge themselves to eat at least one apple a day. Lady members wear brooches set in apple pips; men members wear sleeve-links fashioned in miniature of the fruit in red enamel, and the club s motto is, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." , , , ~ Again, if you believe that each one ot us is the dispenser of gladness or of gloom to himself, then you will yearn to be a member of the " Optimist Club, which carries the same scheme for daily cheerfulness as is embodied in the " Don t Worry Club." . • • But it seems to me that you have switched off a long distance from the main current of contentment if you believe you can kill only by joining a so-called " Cheer Club. . . • Cheerfulness is sometimes painfully acquired. It is frequently like the man at the photographer's, who, when arranging his features in the desired pleasant expression, growled to the camera man, " Hurry uo. It hurts my face . _ _ Yet this'idea of organised optimism is a fine one; it is unadulterated altruism. But the odd thing is that in this twentieth century we find it necessary to form a club to do it, to teach it, and to help our fellow men to practise it!. • • " is possible, and pleasant withal, to become cheerful by contact. Nothing is more contagious than the joy-microbe, in no other way, then, you can make yourself an atmospheric optimist. • • • In Sydney town there is an Optimist Club," founded by a perfectly charming old lady of 86! a born optimist, with a bright alert mindand like the Athenians of old, still thirsting for something newshe carries the talisman of smiles and sweetness through four score and more years. The club is enshrined in a series of aphorisms, which hold all the philosophy and ethics that a wiser one has summed up in the phrase, "Play up, play up, and play the game.'' . • • Southey expressed his optimism in a paragraph so good that I must pass it alone: to you : "I have told you of the Spaniard who always put on his spectacles when about to eat cherries, that they micht look bigger and more tempting. In like manner I make the most of my enjoyments; and though I do not cast my cares away, I pack them in as little compass as I can and carry them as conveniently as I can for myself, and never let them among others.'' Of the making of many associations there is no end. . . . Just find a fad or get a grievance ; take it about with you, ventilate it, and all in good time it will spread its roots and sprout into a green little association with flowers for those within and thorns for those without. Or have you a talent the size of a mustard seed ? _ Then for its dear sake join some association, where, under its benign influence, your tender talent will shoot up over-niglit like the fabled beenstalk of little Jack. You, too, will reach dizzy heights and bask in the candlelight of local fame — you think you do, which is really quite as cheering! Seeing we have such a variegated assortment of "societies" in Auckland, why not add a few more to make the stock completely attractive and supply all long-felt wants. Here are a few suggestions (with apologies): — 1. As there is a " Junior Club" for men, the softer sex might form a " Senior Club i for Ladies" over 45 (under suspicion).

2. Association for the abolition of airshots, foozles, enamelled saucepans, and flannelette. 3. League for assisting housemaids who have lost both parents and are otherwise careless.

4. Society for the cessation of the manufacture of elusive collar-buttons, unadhesive postage-stamps, slippery soaps, and purple waistcoats.

5. League of hatless women and the revival of natural hair as the crowning glory. 6. Retreat for harassed housewives, attached to bureau of reference recording mistresses' characters, and bank accounts.

7. Fraternity for the survival of lost illusions and the eradication of old age. 8. Society for the cultivation of hometruths set in «ymphonies. 9. Association for crushing parochial conceit and the extinction of little men in big places. 10. League for ameliorating the colonial labourers' hard lot, allied to a branch organisation for providing a little pleasure for faggedi workers. Think vou the establishment of these would make of New Zealand the Utopia of our dreams? Perhaps— some ruthless Radical comes along and smiting them hip and thigh will smash tho little tin gods. Then, " when the false gods go, the gods arrive,' and a bright era will dawn when there shall rise a Colossal Association, strong and sane, for the Annihilation of Associations !