ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLVI, Issue 14235, 4 December 1909, Page 7 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

F.vrmrt : " What, in your opinion, is my son's natural bent?" Teacher: "Across a knee."

■ "Everybody makes fun of election cigars." " —everybody. But did you ,*ver see anybody refuse one'.'''

"Why, however did that little boy romc to get' into the water?" "He didn't come to get into the water—he came to fish."

r "New, Jimmy, repeat a sentence erabodying the' word ' seldom.'" "My father used ter 'ave a couple of pigs, but he Klled em."

j Unprofitable: "If you'd assume a more .."iaf manner, you'd" get along better in inesg.' "Rot! I. tried it once, and Wttybofly I met granted to borrow money.

Ilim: You're the only girl I ever loved!" Her: "That's interesting but immaterial. What I want to know is, am I the only girl you're' ever going to love •

Thai's a eign up there, tladdv, what *ays: 'Don't blow out the gas.'"'" Well, whd blowcd it out? I jest hit it a lick with my britches, an' I hain't seen nothin' *r it fience."

Independence and individuality are (says * writer to-day) splendid qualities in 'a "Jan; it is doubtful whether a man is worth calling a man who has not practised tfleui most of his life."

t 'Dr. Post is called in consultation often«P than any other doctor in New York." Mo* do you account for his success'.'" 'He always nays that the family phvsician ma been doing exactly right."

fit I widh Lucy hadn't gone rowing with lif r ?OUn S Kiffers," says Lucy's mamma. He's such a fool in a boat!" "Rrxk-''ic-boat idiot?" smiles the listener. " No. Hot that kind. He is one of that sort .Unit' proposes."

.. Tommy," said the fond mother, "isn't V. rather an extravagance to oat both butwand"jam on your bread at the same "me/ "No. ma'am, it's economy," 'ommy answered. "The same piece' of Tend does for both."

*« i am afraid, madam," said a gentleman, 'to-wan looking for apartments, "that the «» to too near the station to be pleasant." ~r iV lltt!e noisy," assented the landlady, nut from the front windows one has such »nne view of people who miss the trains."

Mistress; "You know, Melitida, we're all J"y loin of you . I hope you like your iS,. d . ; ' ate content with your wages. »f* tl,!nkln of giving you my silk pettiRow J " ( »' k: " Fol ' "do tawd, Mis' ri,Z ' How man X iolkscs has you been 0,) «8 gone an' asked foil dinner?" *

' »'wSi C " P r,M,B,n g » coloured dress," says ISJ/y il Per, and you have the miffor«Mo gcorch it, take a shilling, or anv - tar? co l"' and lay it flat on the scorched R«. "'» il briskl y- UI,(1 vo " will n " (1 • thi. M'", l V' Tl,Pie >"' better ways than *»* ot , mi »king a.shilling disappear. SM« id<,W is a 00 * 1 manager, isn't a,,',. , Manager'; I should suv so. She USSr" " her " practically fixed up ttt S? ■ ~ , r c S 0 " 11 ""'" "»° did »he man- ' & till all ST Was . en 'g a B ed l " th '' carpenHen .L i he Wo,wiw <"k was finished, and fjSlj broke it off aui /uarrfcU lhc plum-