ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLVI, Issue 14109, 10 July 1909, Page 7 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

'■*Cur I offer you a little friendly adrice !" "If you'll take a little in return." Her© negotiations ceased.' :'

' "Pa!" "Welt?" "What is contciencc?"' "A thing that we always believe ought to bother the oilier fellow."

-. "Why do the folks call a good-for- ; • lathing; fellow «i bad egg ?" "I suppose i- J it is because every egg has a yellow streak in it"

Sister Maud : "Why in the world did you have the price on that bracelet yon Bat Ethel?" Brother Tom: "I wished to save her a trip down town." ■ ■''.'■

"Trade is bad," said a barber recently at the Southwark County Court. People who used to be shaved once; a [.■week i are bow only shaved once a fortnight." ■- ;, ' ..■,.■■ :.-..•''

In an English school lately a number of tKholars were asked to explain the meaning of the term " righteous indignation-" One little chap wrote : " Being angry without .cussing." •

? Satan is remesented as runnin' after :»lkfi wif a pitchfork," said Uncle Eben, "when de truth is dat eo many folks is ipullia' at his coat-tails dat he ain't. got ■ *hn« to chase nobody." .

Hastymatch : "I had a dozen proposals befoie yours. All from smarter racn than you, too." Mr. Hastymatch: j*They must have been. How did they : »W'to crawl out of it:'"

Cnticus : ." So this is your picture, ,- lie Battle, 1 is it?" De Auber : "Yes. 4?ar, ; ».. a terrible thing." " Criwcus: "Oh, of course. But I don't be«»e it's as bad as it is painted."

.Magistrate : " If you were there for no dishonest purpose, whv were you in your Ringed feet?" . Burglar:" "I heard were v/as sickness in the family, your wor,IUP. and I didn't want to disturb 'om !

•, Nam: "The trouble with Billv is that m awkward when he's in company. He «°«nt-know what to with his hands." ,i , : ' Oh, yes, he docs ; "he told me once WW you wore 100 many pins in your belt."

, I ffiW persuaded your hueband to ioin •glee club?" "Yes," answered Mrs. »«ggias. "When he. starts to sing at noma I van now advise him not to tire his *oice and when ho sings in the club I ** a >' hear him."

ife*^ nan: "These are hard times. I y« a man the other da who couldn't money even on Government bonds." J^ lt: , " Indeed What was the rea'riil'.i Jsraallimin: "Well, you see, he :™!>thavcll.e bonds."

Zentl " nian " Wlid II rkh, pompouis old gtfernan ■• I was not always thus. I o*4, re[ wa - ride in » motor-car of my to* a "i"' 1 filst Stal " ted in lif ° l had vorimT" *"" were hicky," rejoined .the CrL7 an ' '■' Whl ' n ] «»"«* starled I had ■toW-' U took nK a long time to learn "lIS,/'.

An economically minded citizen stopped RBPW? B */ iind u * ked: « ow -•CaS? c ' hd<W * bath tubs?" "From • fc Wn«i.? ", u ) ) ' Slr >" re lied the shopman. :-C t! , Wh,stled the customer; "we'll gS^S^ on ' rpEhinS tlie baby in the

"l jtrJfj Cf V ?" lC l.ad caused her partner a for lon °- an noyarice. by forgetting what ■ottru^ 8 S - Ult Was , " ld remaining oblivious ikn fr" P Bl p! la,s -V H ° mopped the perspirar' J[" m h ,"» T brow ' and.ventured the 0b- ")%(,%' : ." 1 Was under the impression '"'"Z Ji5 U i f, ld >'"" Vl(w "'"» 1 «l to play•"1 nla ' "y*-' 5 -." -lie answered sweetlv, i'i 9*>mfa» 1 duu ' l ' " wk at it? as sjn,ie