ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLV, Issue 13583, 12 September 1908, Page 7 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

"Yor seam to like his attentions. Why don't you marry him?" "Because I like bis attentions." Ada: "Do you get much exercise?" May: "Why, yes. I have a blouse that buttons at the back." " It most take a good deal of skill to land a big fish." "It takes a deal more to explain why you didn't." Customer: "Look here, waiter; I found a button in my ealad." Waiter: "Yea, sir, that's part of the dressing." . # Bobbie had a hole and "Jacob's Ladder" in his stocking. "Look, auntie/ he cried, " I've got a banjo on my knee." Son: "Pa, why does Mr. Ring say his head is as clear as a bell?" Pa: "Because there is nothing in it but his tongue." Teacher: "Is there any connecting link between the animal and the vegetable kingdom?" Bright Pupil: "Yes, mum; there's hash." Janice: "Do you know, Horatio, dat every boy hez a chance ter be de King?'* Horatio (thoughtfully): " Well, I'll sell my chance for twopence." Father (just home from journey, to his. daughters): " Did your mamma seem to miss me much?" Daughter:" Not at first, but yesterday she seemed in great trouble. * The Father: "So you want to marry Gwen, do you? She is my only daughter.'' The Suitor: "Ah—ah—er! Sir, that's all right, you know. I —cr— only wanted one." Master of tlft House:, "You might tell Maggie that this steak isn't well enough dono." Mistress of the House. "You are three girls behind, John; this one's name is Anne." "What's this?" inquired. Mr. Younghub, as he picked up a colander. *' It's an openwork saucepan," explained Mrs. Younghub, with superior wisdom. "It must be the latest thing." Mrs. Dunleigh : "It is very singular that your mother always happens to call on me when I am out." "Little Flossie Dimpleton: " Oh, we can see from our front window whenever you go away." Mrs. A.: "There is nothing like matrimony to make a man appreciate the value of money." Mrs. B.: "That's so! A sovereign a man gives to his wife does look •bigger to him than any other sovereign." A young lady went into a well-known establishment- a few days ago and said to the shop-walker, "Do you keep stationery?"' "No, miss," replied the shopwalker; "ii I did I should lose my job." Hyker: "Why did you give up smoking?" Pyker: In order to marry a rioh widow." Hyker: "I fail to see the connection." Pyker: "She refused to give up her weeds unless I would give up mine." Simkins: "You say that little man was formerly the light-weight champion?" Timkins: "Yes." Simkins: "How did he lose the title?" Timkins: "Oh, he didn't lose it. He merely sold his grocery and retired." " What vou want is -i stenographer who is rapid and absolutely accurate.' "Well," answered Mr. Biggins, "rapidity is all right, but as to accuracy, well, I don t want to be held down strictly to my own ideas of grammar." A doctor wa- attending a dangerous case where a Scotch butler was engaged. Ou tailing in the forenoon, he said to Donald, " I hone your master's temperature is much lower today than it was last night." "I'm no' ua* very sure aboot that," replied the butler, "for he dee'd this niorninV