ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLIV, Issue 13455, 6 April 1907, Page 6 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

j Poet: "May I read you my last poem?" ; Critic: "You may, if it really is." The Young Lady: "Are you two youngsters twins?" The Boy (indignantly):" No! j She's a girl." ' "I. sir." began Brairsr. "am a self-made man." " Yes," replied Wise, but why apologise now? That won't help matters." ; "When did you become acquainted with your husband?" "The first time I asked j him for money after we were married." ! Pat : "Cassidy seems opposed to strikes!" Mike: "Why not? Til' last strike lie- was lon he got. married to till up the toirne." | Her: "1 wonder why Solomon never referred to any of his wives." Him : " He did. I He said, 'Vanity of vanities ; all is vanity." | Auntie: "What's all the crowd o' people jdoin' over there?" Johnnie: "Ain't doin' Inothin.' Most of 'em's there just to see what ;the others is waitin* /or " I ! Senior Clerk : " How is it you never t.'iie j a holiday? The boss could get along without you all right." Junio. Clerk: "I know, | but I don't want him to find it out." He: "Miss S*"ars tells mo she has made | up her mind never to many " She: "Oh! that's* an old trick of hers. She wants people to think she's still a giddy young thing." She : " I suppose if a pretty girl should come along you wouldn't care anything about me any more." He: "Nonsense, Kate! What do 1 care for good looks? You suit line all right. ' Edith: " I showed father one of your poems, and he was delighted." Egbert: "Indeed!" "Yes: he said it was so bad he thought you'd probably be able to earn, a living at something else." A little girl had been very saucy to her father. Her mother reproved her by saying: "Mary, you should not talk like that to your father. You never heard me speaking to him that way." "Well," answered the rebellious Mary, "you choosed him. I didn't." "Say, pa." said the fond little boy, "when I grow up I shall be just like you." "That's right, Tommy," replied the gratified parent. "But why are you so anxious to be just like me when you grow up?" "Oh, well," replied the loving child, "it must be splendid not to have any hair to comb." The Irish porter is eternally a joy, unless you want anything done. It is now related by a feminine tourist that on arriving at a remote station in Mayo, with a. prospect of an eight-mile drive on an open car, she inquired anxiously: "Do you think it will rain, porter, to-night?" And she was answered : " No, ma'am, indeed. It rainsjust watter here—like iverywhere else." A barrister once pleaded with great ability the cause of his client for nearly an hour. When he had finished, his learned friend on the other side, with a superfluous sneer, remarked that he did not unedstand a word the other had said. "I believe it, for 1 was expounding law!" said the lirst speaker* The silly fashion, of tight-lacing among ladies (says Dr. Kaye, medical officer for the West Riding) is forthy of this epitaph, entitled "Mary's Little Corset": — Mai.v had « little waist, Slip laced it smaller still; A stone o'er Mary lias been placed Out on the silent lull. "> And oil that stone these words are writ. " Oil, let us hope she's gone Where angels never core a bit, 'Bout what they have got on."